- Gender and Relationships
Is He An Ageist?
Age is just a number right? Not according to this guy. An Ageist will decide how long he will date you and if he will date you—long term or future—depending on your age or when he finds out exactly how old you are. Great.
With an Ageist it doesn't matter if you eat healthy, how good looking you are or if you look much younger than your actual age. It doesn't matter if you work out all the time and have a body that looks better than a twenty year old. It also doesn't matter if you have things in common, a deep connection or incredible chemistry together. The second this guy finds out how old you are and it doesn't fit into his criteria he will end things—stop calling or will disappear from your life—whichever works easier for him.
Ladies, this type of guy prefers to date women who are much younger than he is...frankly it's an ego thing. It doesn't matter if you are the same age or several years younger than he is, once this guy has a particular age group set in his mind for the woman (or should I say girl) he is willing and wanting to date, he rarely budges, and if he does, trust me it also rarely lasts. It's sad how much emphasis this guy puts on a women's age—disregarding how well you get along or if every date you have had (before he finds out your age) was perfect. The second your age doesn't match, like I said, he will easily move on.
The problem with an Ageist is that he is no spring chicken and because of that he will base his age criteria on two things: he has finally decided that he wants children or he wants a trophy girlfriend/wife—or possibly both. Again, to fill his overly enlarged ego.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all men who want children only do so to satisfy their ego, there are many, many men who have children because they generally want them. Of course these men don’t usually wait until they are almost fifty or older to decide to finally have them—they want commitment and marriage without any silly stipulations attached. However, with an Ageist, he will wait and wait until he is in his very late forties/fifties or much older, before convincing himself (because that's what the ego does) that he should now have children. Honestly, how could this man possibly leave earth without having a legacy in the form of a child or two? This urgency is usually neck in neck with the unmentioned midlife crisis he is having.
If having a child is in his brain, he will have the warped perception that only a woman in her early twenties or slightly older—can successfully birth his spawn. There is no guarantee that every woman in her twenties or early thirties can have children. To solely base dating a woman on how old she is, is not only shallow but potentially setting himself up for future divorce.
Just because a woman is in her twenties or thirties doesn't guarantee that she can have children. Yes the risks at that age can be less, however there is still no guarantee. I have known several women in this age bracket that had problems trying to conceive or have found out that they couldn't have children. They either had several miscarriages or had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical issues: Uterine Fibroids, cancer of the uterus, Endometriosis, chronic pelvic pain, etc. Focusing on finding a woman who is still in her "baby making years"—whatever that means—only limits finding successful lasting love.
Although there are several things that are ridiculous about this type of man, the biggest one is that even though he is not young himself he not only considers you old but also feels that he deserves a woman who is younger. Unfortunately, since many Ageist are also successful, money seems to be their biggest pawn for the hopes of attracting a younger woman. Hurray.
Having great genes is a blessing as well as a curse—especially when you come across an Ageist.
Since I look younger than my actually age, Ageist predators are usually drawn to me like moths to a flame. I have had the fortunate pleasure of meeting several Ageist’s, however one in particular stood out the most...probably because he was less tacky about being an Ageist, which in the end made it more emotionally difficult to understand.
Several years ago I met a guy at an event. He was tall, dark and very handsome. When we first met it felt so natural that before we both knew it we were caressing each other's hands while talking as if we had been dating for months. This guy was charming, charismatic, intelligent and funny. When he expressed that he had seen me at another event over a year ago—but by the time he went to find me I was gone—I knew it had to be fate that he found me again (I am a hopeless romantic).
Dating this guy was so much fun. Every time we went out the dates he planned were always thoroughly thought out from start to finish. There was never a bad moment when we saw each other. This guy was kind, chivalrous, made me laugh, and we always had something to talk about. Our chemistry was also undeniable. And, if things couldn't get any better, he took an actual interest in me. He would ask a lot of questions...little did I know he was actually trying to decipher my age. Hmmm. Since this guy was a gentleman he never directly asked how old I was, until my birthday.
The day of my birthday he insisted on taking me out to celebrate. He planned a unique date that involved dance lessons and dinner to follow. During dinner he surprised me with a candle lit crème brûlée dessert (one of my favorites) and as soon as I blew out the candle he confidently asked me what year I was celebrating. I have no issue with my age so telling him wasn't a big deal, however I had no idea that my age would matter to him.
As I blurted out my age—again, not thinking it was a big deal since he was several years older than me—the look on his face was surprisingly painted with shock. The first thing he said, "I thought you were thirty, maybe thirty-two?" Of course I thanked him, what woman wouldn’t enjoy hearing a guy tell her that he thought she was younger then she actually was? His response back, "huh." OK…I had no idea that my actual age would end up being a death sentence to our relationship. After my birthday this guy disappeared as quickly as he had appeared in my life. Wow!
Many months later when I saw him again he admitted that even though things between us were really great and even though I was younger than him, he had decided he wanted a child and that I was too old. Really...is he 100% sure his fish can even swim to the finish line? There are more women having children my age and the fact that he ended things solely based on that was insulting.
I recently saw him again, he is now even older (surprise, surprise) and still on the path to finding a young baby mama to marry. Adding fuel to the fire, he also said that if he didn't have a kid soon then maybe we could be together. Wow, second fiddle...now that's romantic.
Spotting a guy who is an Ageist can be hard especially if he seems really interested in you. Who wants to believe that their age is either a blessing or a deterrent to a guy—like there aren't enough other dating issues to deal with! If you know some of the signs it can be easier to determine if you're with an Ageist.
How to spot a potential Ageist:
- One of the first questions he will ask you when upon meeting, "how old are you?"
- He's newly divorced and his ex-wife is a lot younger than you.
- If you don't tell him your age he will ask several times—over and over again until you reveal.
- He's the first one to declare that he would never date a woman in her twenties.
- On your first or second date he will "slyly" ask you questions to determine your age: what year you graduated high school/college, how long you lived somewhere, etc.
- He will make reference to things—music, events, etc., in order to get a reaction from you in hopes of determining your age.
- Most of the women he dates are much younger than him.
- When he does find out your age and you're older than he prefers he will quickly disappear out of your life.
There are always signs when you come across an Ageist—pay attention to them so that you don't waste your time, energy or more importantly develop feelings that will end in heartbreak for you.
Ladies, no man should ever make you feel shameful of your age, especially a man who is your age or older. Period. Find a man who isn't obsessed with younger women. You want a man who is actually looking for love, lasting commitment and wants to be with someone who they truly connect with on all levels. And commonly after finding true love many couples still start families even in their forties! Stay away from the Ageist—and remember the sad truth that he will always deny...No matter how many young women he dates to make him feel younger, he will always be an old ass.
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