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Is He Causing You The Holiday Blues?

Updated on December 30, 2013
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

There's nothing more disappointing than a man who avoids spending the holidays with you.

Right when you are labeling your relationship "perfect" you realize it has one major flaw... He doesn't want to celebrate the holidays with you—no Thanksgiving, no Christmas or Hanukkah, no Kwanzaa, no New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day—forget about it.

When he tells you how much he enjoys hanging out with you—you're funny, sexy, beautiful and smart, it can be disheartening and confusing to say the least when he flees from all holidays like a bandit who's just stolen your heart.

What's even worse is when he acts as if the holiday doesn't exist. You might be at the mall or grocery store together and it's filled will Valentine's Day decor and all of a sudden he finds himself overly mesmerized by the ceiling. If a commercial comes on talking about a holiday he will flip the channel faster than you can blink, making you start to wonder if you are seeing things.

When a guy is avoiding the holidays he will do several things:

1. Acts as if the holiday doesn't even exist.

2. Picks a fight a few days before the holiday, so that he has a justifiable reason not to call or be with you.

3. Pre-plans trips (usually out of the state or country) that start several days before the holiday, that go through the holiday and last days after—going with his friends or alone, never inviting you.

4. If he lives where skiing and snowboarding is popular he will be coincidentally doing that on each holiday—again not inviting you.

5. He will be working every holiday (or at least that what he tells you).

6. He will tell you that he doesn't believe in holidays, "they are Hallmark."

7. He will always be with his family—again never inviting you or even making time to also see you on that day.

8. When he's away on the holiday (which most likely he will be) he won't even call or text to wish you, Merry... or Happy...

9. He suddenly feels sick (flu, food poising, cold) on every holiday.

10. He uses his kids, pets, and other family responsibilities as an excuse to not see you on the holidays—even though his ex-wife lives in the same state and has the kids half the time.

Holidays should be a time that you want to spend with someone you care about.

If the guy you are dating is in town spending the holidays with his family, if he truly cares about you he will find and make time to also see you—the eve of a holiday, morning or night of a holiday. If he's out of town, he can still reach out through a phone call (preferably) or text to let you know that he's thinking about you.

Ladies, if a guy claims he's into you, but continues to disappear or never plans time to see you during the holidays—this is a huge red flag. Guys like this usually have commitment issues and furthermore—future issues. Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't see a future with you, and therefore disconnects on days where you should feel cherished and loved?

You should feel special on holidays, as well as having the opportunity to make him feel special too. And yes, you don't have to only have a designated holiday to do that—but, you should also not be with a man who gives you the holiday blues.

Make yourself a New Year's resolution: "I will only attract men who want to spend the Holidays with me!"


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    • Miss-Adventures profile image

      Stephanie Bailey 4 years ago from Denver

      I completely agree!!!! Thank you for reading and understanding the point of my article. :)

    • Miss-Adventures profile image

      Stephanie Bailey 4 years ago from Denver

      Compromise is always the key. Bottom line if you are in a relationship with someone you truly care about---that you see long term--spending the holidays together is not going to be so complicated! As always, thank you for reading!

    • Miss-Adventures profile image

      Stephanie Bailey 4 years ago from Denver

      I love hearing that...your girlfriend is a very luck woman! Thank you for reading!

    • Miss-Adventures profile image

      Stephanie Bailey 4 years ago from Denver

      Thank you all for reading!

    • profile image

      marketeconomy 4 years ago

      If a person is interested in a long-term relationship, then spending the holidays with the person they are in that relationship with is not such a big deal. Maybe the holidays were not that great in the past, but if they are important to the person you are in a relationship isn't brain surgery. No one is asking you to move to another country, have kids, pay all their bills. They are just asking you to be around during an important time for them (just like they are around for your important times - work award, big game, etc....) Everyone does not have to like the same things, but being around for a holiday is an easy concession to make if a person is truly invested in their relationship.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      There are basically two reasons why someone you're in a relationship with will not give what you have asked for and expressed it's importance.

      1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are.)

      2. They don't believe (you) are worth the effort.

      If a guy tells a woman he does not do holidays and she is into holidays then instead of being upset because he is not "like her" she should find herself someone who shares her same values. Everyone is not a "romantic".

      Our options with anyone is to either accept them as (they are) or (find someone else) who is on the same page as us. Not everyone gets into the "holiday spirit". There is no "right" or "wrong"; there is only "agree" and "disagree". Ultimately everyone is looking for someone who (naturally) agrees with them.

      Some people only believe you love them if you will do things you hate doing just to please them. However if (you) really loved someone you would not ask them to things you know they do not enjoy. hmmm

      On the other hand if you suspect he's spent holidays with other women in the past then there is a strong indication that he is avoiding establishing a "serious relationship" with you much like the guy who doesn't want to meet your friends, family, or co-workers. Spending holidays together or planning holiday getaways is often a sign that a relationship is serious.

      Another possibility is he may have another girlfriend or even wife that he spends the holidays with. Many mistresses find themselves left alone during the holidays. On the other hand he could be out partying. A lot of single people have one-night stands with each other during the holidays to beat the blues. It's a great time to go out clubbing or take a vacation.

      The bottom line however is if you are "into" holidays and he is not then he's not "the one" for you. The statement: "Holidays should be a time that you want to spend with someone you care about." This assumes everyone is the same or should feel the same way! From a male point of view I've known women who aren't into making a big deal out of holidays. My guess is some people weren't raised in households where holidays were great times or they were disappointed time and again that they just became cynical about all the marketing hoopla.

      If you're with someone who does wonderful things for you year round and you believe he truly does care about you and is faithful to you and you are in love with them... You may want to evaluate whether or not having holiday time together is a (real) "deal breaker".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.

    • profile image

      alexsaez1983 4 years ago

      Interesting. I've honestly never done this or even heard of someone doing this. My bank account is down to $4 thanks to Christmas, and Valentine's Day can be a money-drainer as well, but I'd never ditch my girlfriend on either of those days.