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Is He Finding Reasons To End Things?

Updated on August 10, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Men who look for reasons to end things are not only emotionally unavailable, they are also happiness saboteurs. Yikes!

There is an underlining fear that many men feel about getting their heart too invested—thinking the second they get emotionally involved, the relationship will go downhill and explode—leaving their heart in shambles. Because this fear is so strong, they will find reasons to end things in order to prevent this heartbreak from happening.

Why is the thought of being alone so much better than experiencing love?

Love is a great feeling—even if that means possibly getting your heart broken. Unfortunately, the negative feeling that some men have felt around love—past relationships, divorce, negativity around their parents relationship or even close friends who haven't had success in the love department (aka divorce or many failed relationships)—can definitely gun shy a guy from wanting to give his heart to the process. In fact it can make him avoid it at every cost. If you're lucky (ha ha), you will come across a guy like this. Great.

When a guy finds reasons to end things he will usually be open with the fact that he's "very independent," enjoys spending A Lot of time with his friends and loves to travel a great deal—with his friends or alone. Of course he does, this gives him the perfect outlet to disconnect and not get too emotionally involved…Hmmm. Unfortunately finding other things—versus spending time with you—is not his only tactic for staying single. He will also ask you "important" questions—in order to find his escape—listening in detail so he has justification as to why you aren't the right fit for him. Wonderful! Do you really want to be with a guy who hangs onto your every word, dissecting it so he has a reason to end things with you? I don't.

Since ending things is already on his mind—from the very beginning—he will also point out all his flaws to you. He's totally fine letting you know how UN-perfect he is for you—this way (in his mind) you won't get attached or view him as a potential permanent match.

I dated a guy who on the very first date started listing to me all of his old as well as current flaws. He told me how he used to be very awkward as a kid through the early part of college. He didn't have a girlfriend until college because he was overly skinny with large spaces between his teeth and braces. As I was listening to all of this I first thought that it was endearing that he was sharing all of this with me until he proceeded to share more...

This awkward stage he went through also lead him to lose his virginity to a girl who felt bad for him...yikes! He viewed sex as something that he could "take or leave"—it's not important to him. He's not great at dating and doesn't date much. However, as he continued to get older he worked hard to not only be financially successful, but to also look good—exercising/weightlifting, and now that he's a frog who's turned into a prince he's extremely picky and will easily end something with a woman if there is any glimpse that she's not the one—even though in the same breath he told me that he not only had gotten a vasectomy, but also didn’t vision ever getting married. OK?

This guy was also very adamant about the fact that he enjoyed spending time—a lot of time—with his bachelor friends as well as having the freedom to take off for weeks or months to travel without having to "check-in" with a woman. You know, I had to admire his honestly because I knew exactly what I would be getting involved with by dating him—strictly casual with the potential of things ending at a drop of a hat. Although we had intense chemistry, things ended due to the "possibility" of him worrying about being in one of my articles. Ironic.

Although it's refreshing to find a guy who is extremely blunt about what he does or doesn't want (giving him reasons to end things), unfortunately, not all men are that open and honest.

10 obvious signs that you are dealing with a guy who finds reasons to end things:

1. He will emphasize his independence like it is his second job

2. He will ask questions and instead of responding he will tell you that he's "really listening"

3. He will spend A Lot of time with his friends—can you say Man Crush?

4. He hasn't had a girlfriend in a very long time

5. Most of his relationships only last a few days or weeks

6. He ends things with you for a stupid reason—you took too long to return his call, he decided he didn't like your career, he didn't like an outfit you wore

7. He keeps you at an emotional distance—doesn't call or text much

8. He's very open to talking about his flaws but will also tell you how great he is

9. He's extremely judgmental

10. He complains a lot

As with all my lists if you are or have experienced the majority then you might want to question yourself as to what you are you lacking to want to be with a guy like this. You deserve to be with a guy who isn't finding reasons to escape you.

Ladies, I know that when there is a potential to get your heart broken or when feelings become too intense with someone you care about it can be easy for anyone to look for a reason (or several) to end things. However, when looking for reasons is all a guy does, that is a humongous Red Flag that he has deep emotional issues that are probably beyond repair. Most likely you are dodging a huge emotional bullet.

Bottom-line, you should want to be with a guy who is open to love, not someone who already has the door half closed to his heart. Love is about finding the good in one another and opening your heart to all the possibilities it has to offer. And remember, although everyone likes a happy ending...sadly, this guy is bound to find an ending before the relationship even truly begins.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 23 months ago

      In my opinion there are two reasons why men don't get married.

      1. Timing (He's happy being single and enjoys things the way they are!)

      2. You're not "the one". (Very few women buy into this one though.)

      Your statement: "he's "very independent," enjoys spending A Lot of time with his friends and loves to travel a great deal—with his friends or alone." would be considered admirable traits if a (woman) said this! :)

      Chance are most men would breathe a sigh of relief and assume she is "low maintenance" as opposed to "emotionally unavailable". lol!

      I remember when I was in my 20s and early 30s I always told women up front how I was never going to get married. It was my way of being honest with them instead of trying to lead them on. If the woman continued to date me and one day started pushing for marriage or felt broken hearted she would essentially have herself to blame.

      If a man tells a woman "I'm a jerk or an a-hole" that seems to turn a lot of them on! They want to accept the challenge and be "the exception", the one that wins his heart. Where as if he showered with flowers, poetry, wined & dined her and was a complete gentleman always being reliable she'd dump him or immediately put him in "The Friend Zone".

      For some reason many young women are drawn towards men who are the complete opposite of what they claim they want!

    • tony mcnaughton profile image

      tony mcnaughton 23 months ago

      I was shocked at reading about myself........it was like reading my obituary , and , yes it captured a grief....I swallowed hard and blinked often . I have always been a soft , gentle and loving individual ; apparently using this softness , gentle and loving pattern of behavior sabotaging relationships quite frequently . I'm sure I'm not even aware of myself doing it.....leaving without excuses to never return , even with a reason .

      I am so impressed with the focus you have enabled the reader (me) to construct.....the perspectives are fantastic (in a haunting way) to consider and are so thought inducing ; I can't leave it alone......thanks ever so much for the pondering material of insights you have so beautifully expressed/explained......and , yes , your writing is exceptional...so inviting.....it holds an awe inspiring spirit , giving a strong sense of growth .

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