ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Is He Finding Reasons To End Things?

Updated on August 10, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Men who look for reasons to end things are not only emotionally unavailable, they are also happiness saboteurs. Yikes!

There is an underlining fear that many men feel about getting their heart too invested—thinking the second they get emotionally involved, the relationship will go downhill and explode—leaving their heart in shambles. Because this fear is so strong, they will find reasons to end things in order to prevent this heartbreak from happening.

Why is the thought of being alone so much better than experiencing love?

Love is a great feeling—even if that means possibly getting your heart broken. Unfortunately, the negative feeling that some men have felt around love—past relationships, divorce, negativity around their parents relationship or even close friends who haven't had success in the love department (aka divorce or many failed relationships)—can definitely gun shy a guy from wanting to give his heart to the process. In fact it can make him avoid it at every cost. If you're lucky (ha ha), you will come across a guy like this. Great.

When a guy finds reasons to end things he will usually be open with the fact that he's "very independent," enjoys spending A Lot of time with his friends and loves to travel a great deal—with his friends or alone. Of course he does, this gives him the perfect outlet to disconnect and not get too emotionally involved…Hmmm. Unfortunately finding other things—versus spending time with you—is not his only tactic for staying single. He will also ask you "important" questions—in order to find his escape—listening in detail so he has justification as to why you aren't the right fit for him. Wonderful! Do you really want to be with a guy who hangs onto your every word, dissecting it so he has a reason to end things with you? I don't.

Since ending things is already on his mind—from the very beginning—he will also point out all his flaws to you. He's totally fine letting you know how UN-perfect he is for you—this way (in his mind) you won't get attached or view him as a potential permanent match.

I dated a guy who on the very first date started listing to me all of his old as well as current flaws. He told me how he used to be very awkward as a kid through the early part of college. He didn't have a girlfriend until college because he was overly skinny with large spaces between his teeth and braces. As I was listening to all of this I first thought that it was endearing that he was sharing all of this with me until he proceeded to share more...

This awkward stage he went through also lead him to lose his virginity to a girl who felt bad for him...yikes! He viewed sex as something that he could "take or leave"—it's not important to him. He's not great at dating and doesn't date much. However, as he continued to get older he worked hard to not only be financially successful, but to also look good—exercising/weightlifting, and now that he's a frog who's turned into a prince he's extremely picky and will easily end something with a woman if there is any glimpse that she's not the one—even though in the same breath he told me that he not only had gotten a vasectomy, but also didn’t vision ever getting married. OK?

This guy was also very adamant about the fact that he enjoyed spending time—a lot of time—with his bachelor friends as well as having the freedom to take off for weeks or months to travel without having to "check-in" with a woman. You know, I had to admire his honestly because I knew exactly what I would be getting involved with by dating him—strictly casual with the potential of things ending at a drop of a hat. Although we had intense chemistry, things ended due to the "possibility" of him worrying about being in one of my articles. Ironic.

Although it's refreshing to find a guy who is extremely blunt about what he does or doesn't want (giving him reasons to end things), unfortunately, not all men are that open and honest.

10 obvious signs that you are dealing with a guy who finds reasons to end things:

1. He will emphasize his independence like it is his second job

2. He will ask questions and instead of responding he will tell you that he's "really listening"

3. He will spend A Lot of time with his friends—can you say Man Crush?

4. He hasn't had a girlfriend in a very long time

5. Most of his relationships only last a few days or weeks

6. He ends things with you for a stupid reason—you took too long to return his call, he decided he didn't like your career, he didn't like an outfit you wore

7. He keeps you at an emotional distance—doesn't call or text much

8. He's very open to talking about his flaws but will also tell you how great he is

9. He's extremely judgmental

10. He complains a lot

As with all my lists if you are or have experienced the majority then you might want to question yourself as to what you are you lacking to want to be with a guy like this. You deserve to be with a guy who isn't finding reasons to escape you.

Ladies, I know that when there is a potential to get your heart broken or when feelings become too intense with someone you care about it can be easy for anyone to look for a reason (or several) to end things. However, when looking for reasons is all a guy does, that is a humongous Red Flag that he has deep emotional issues that are probably beyond repair. Most likely you are dodging a huge emotional bullet.

Bottom-line, you should want to be with a guy who is open to love, not someone who already has the door half closed to his heart. Love is about finding the good in one another and opening your heart to all the possibilities it has to offer. And remember, although everyone likes a happy ending...sadly, this guy is bound to find an ending before the relationship even truly begins.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • tony mcnaughton profile image

      tony mcnaughton 

      5 years ago

      I was shocked at reading about was like reading my obituary , and , yes it captured a grief....I swallowed hard and blinked often . I have always been a soft , gentle and loving individual ; apparently using this softness , gentle and loving pattern of behavior sabotaging relationships quite frequently . I'm sure I'm not even aware of myself doing it.....leaving without excuses to never return , even with a reason .

      I am so impressed with the focus you have enabled the reader (me) to construct.....the perspectives are fantastic (in a haunting way) to consider and are so thought inducing ; I can't leave it alone......thanks ever so much for the pondering material of insights you have so beautifully expressed/explained......and , yes , your writing is holds an awe inspiring spirit , giving a strong sense of growth .

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      5 years ago from Chicago

      In my opinion there are two reasons why men don't get married.

      1. Timing (He's happy being single and enjoys things the way they are!)

      2. You're not "the one". (Very few women buy into this one though.)

      Your statement: "he's "very independent," enjoys spending A Lot of time with his friends and loves to travel a great deal—with his friends or alone." would be considered admirable traits if a (woman) said this! :)

      Chance are most men would breathe a sigh of relief and assume she is "low maintenance" as opposed to "emotionally unavailable". lol!

      I remember when I was in my 20s and early 30s I always told women up front how I was never going to get married. It was my way of being honest with them instead of trying to lead them on. If the woman continued to date me and one day started pushing for marriage or felt broken hearted she would essentially have herself to blame.

      If a man tells a woman "I'm a jerk or an a-hole" that seems to turn a lot of them on! They want to accept the challenge and be "the exception", the one that wins his heart. Where as if he showered with flowers, poetry, wined & dined her and was a complete gentleman always being reliable she'd dump him or immediately put him in "The Friend Zone".

      For some reason many young women are drawn towards men who are the complete opposite of what they claim they want!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)