- Gender and Relationships
Is He Geographically Undatable?-Stephanie Bailey
Although distance certainly can make the heart grow fonder, when you discover that a guy you're interested in doesn't live in the same town (or state) as you, it can definitely be a discouraging factor.
Deciding if a guy is geographically undatable really depends on the effort he is willing to invest to assure that the distance does not become an issue. Is he willing to do most of the traveling or does he expect you to always go out of your way for him? And if so, how do you feel about driving or possibly flying? Are you OK with driving further to see a guy—especially in traffic? Do you enjoy road trips or spending most weekends driving to and from the airport?
For many women, a guy who is geographically undatable might only live twenty minutes away (without traffic) or further. If he lives in another state or country, it can almost seem impossible to want to try to put in the full effort to start a relationship. Unless he is willing to do the predominant traveling to see you—which he should since he would be in the courting stages, then a relationship could potentially work out. Or, if you happen to travel to his area a great deal for work or play—where you might have met him, the odds for a lasting relationship may also be in your favor.
Developing or maintaining an enduring connection takes spending time with that person. Sometimes this can be challenging when the person you are dating only lives 5-15 minutes away from you, let alone further, or in another state (or country). Yes, phone calls are nice, but after enough time without seeing one another, the excitement is likely to eventually fade. Even hearing their voice will start to become less and less meaningful—especially in the beginning stages of a relationship.
If you meet a guy who lives far from you, the true test of his feelings would be the amount of effort he is willing to display to see you—this doesn't mean that all his plans include you going to his place or you flying to always see him. I've said this before, when a man goes out of his way to woo you he is generally interested in you.
I dated a guy who lived in another state and for eight weekends straight he flew out to see me—proving to me that "distance could not keep us apart." For a man to go from being geographically undatable, to dateable—it's all in the effort he is willing to make.
One of my best friends was dating a guy who lived over thirty minutes from her. When I asked her what was the biggest thing that made the relationship work with the distance, she explained that he would come to her. She mentioned how there were times when he would plan dates in his area and still pick her up—very chivalrous. He said that he was concerned for her safety—not wanting her to get tired driving home late or walking alone at night when she returned home (due to outside parking) and therefore felt that it was his responsibility to come pick her up for dates. In her eyes (and mine) this was an ultimate act of chivalry.
Another friend of mine told me a story about how her dad won her mother's heart—again, not letting distance be an excuse to have kept them apart. Her dad would take buses, a train and would run in order to be able to see her mom. Her dad had perfected his timing so that he could spend every last minute with her mom—then run as fast as he could to catch the train. He would do this each and every time to see her mom, because he knew she was the one. Never did he ask or expect her mom to travel the same distance. Her dad did not let the time or distance it took in order to see her mom come between them. They have been happily married for 47 years.
I realize that times have changed since my friends parents era and most men these days would not think about going the lengths that her dad was willing to go to show his love (although it's a panty dropper if they did). However, when distance is a factor, its more about the gesture and effort to show a woman that you genuinely care and want to be with her.
Ladies, hearing the voice of a guy is the buildup, but seeing him is the link. Have you ever been so excited to see a guy after talking to him on the phone several times? The excitement grows deeper when you make definite plans to see one another, and when you finally do—it's the icing on the cake to solidify how you feel. This thrill can unfortunately dissipate when you don't get to see each other often—due to distance or lack of determination. This doesn't mean a relationship can't work if he lives far from you, it just means that it will take more effort, communication and commitment from him, as well as you.
Bottom-line, it's important that you are both on the same page regarding what you want in a relationship and ultimately in a life partner. Are either one of you willing to move to be together within a realistic time frame? Is he willing to go the distance to win your heart and ultimately keep the relationship growing? If so, he is geographically dateable. If not—it might be time for you to permanently distance yourself from him.
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