- Gender and Relationships
Is He With You Just For The Holidays? -Stephanie Bailey
Tis the season for desperation! Maybe you just had your heart broken, haven't been on a date in a long time, or feel family pressure to be in a relationship. It's the holidays, and can be exciting (as well as a relief) when you meet a guy who wants to be with you during this stressful time. So, the first guy who winks an eye, flashes a smile or shows any interest at all—you put on your "love goggles" and possibly forfeit your standards for him, because you genuinely believe Christmas miracles do happen....and finally love has found you. But...what are his reasons?
Men who are not afraid of starting to date during the holidays usually have different motivations for their actions than women. Women usually are looking for that fairy tale ending. They hope that if they meet a guy who wants to be with them during the holidays, that he's definitely in it for the long haul. Reality check—there may be a small percentage of men who feel the same way, but most seem to be motivated by loneliness, lack of a date for an upcoming event or simply put, they don't think it's a big deal. Most men don't believe that hooking up or spending time with a woman during the holidays is an indication that they want or are interested in a relationship or long term commitment. In other words—to have you accompany him to every holiday event doesn't necessarily mean that he views you as a girlfriend. Ouch!
Don't get me wrong, holidays can definitely make a guy realize that being a lifetime bachelor sounds better in theory then it actually is. The older a guy becomes, the idea of marriage and having a family seems less foreign—especially if most of his friends are married. When this happens, this can make his heart more open to the possibilities of love. If you play your cards right—and the holiday angles are near, you could find yourself standing under a mistletoe with your future husband. The only problem, how do you know if this feeling he's experiencing is permanent or just a temporary motivated holiday cheer?
Most people want to be with someone during the holidays—including the Grinch.
When the holidays hit most people fear being alone, going to parties by themselves, and walking through a mall seeing happy families and couples. Nothing enhances the fact that you are single more than the holiday season. When you happen to meet a guy during this time, it can feel like kismet. Then you spend the next few weeks trying to decipher whether he really likes you or if he's under the influence of holiday cheer, holiday loneliness, or looking for a holiday date for events. Stop.
It can be very difficult to figure out what a guys true intentions are during this time—especially when you are surrounded by holiday music, playing dress up, going to events—meeting his friends, co-workers and possibly family, sipping wine—under holiday lights or mistletoe, and toasting champagne—during fireworks as he kisses you to the countdown. Unfortunately, until the glitz and glamour is packed and put away for another year, you won't know if this gift of romance is just an illusion, or here to stay.
Do you really want to rack your brain in wonderment or sit back and enjoy the moment?
Ladies, if you've met a man during this magical time, it can be exciting and fun to celebrate together. Yes, there can be a fear wondering what will happen after the turkey is devoured, the menorah is fully lit, the Christmas tree comes down, and you've toasted to a New Year—will he actually be your Valentine? And further more, will he be in your life throughout the year and possibly longer?
Be open to the possibility of love, as well as understanding that he might just be in your life for the season. At the end—or beginning of it all, you need to decide if the experience is worth it, and if you are capable of waiting to see where this holiday adventure could take you.
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