- Gender and Relationships
Is He Sensing Desperation From You?
Desperation is a big turn-off....no matter how cute you may think you are!
At one point in time, most of us have felt that desperate feeling to meet a guy; for companionship, a relationship, or to find love. What you may not have realized is, whenever you are desperately seeking love, you usually end up doing the complete opposite and shield yourself from finding it—and then wonder why you are still single.
Single-hood for some women is a choice—which is great. Being single means that you are able to discover more about yourself. You can explore what you really want in a relationship and a life partner. Single-hood for other women is not a choice. Unfortunately, due to the actions of these women, and the needy vibe that they give off, they continue to stay in an unwanted single slump.
When a woman is overly eager to be in a relationship—one which she hopes will lead quickly to marriage—she will often times end up being strung along and taken advantage of by men. There are men who will either string her along for sex or companionship, or until something better comes along.
What many women don't realize, the aura that surrounds you when you are desperate—which is similar to a very strong bug repellent, will cause men to stop in their tracks. Instead of men being attracted, they will most likely back away and not give you a second glance or even approach.
A lot of men don't deal well with pressure. So, if you continue to demand a definite timeframe
of when you foresee yourself being in a relationship, getting married and having children, it can make a man want to run in the other direction fast!
Ladies, when you find yourself desperate to find love, that intense needy feeling is sensed by men. Even as beautiful as you may be, when you spray desperation all over your body, the pheromones a man picks up are, "crazy town...stay away." Most men don't want a desperate woman—at least not for the long haul. One night stand, sure, easy is easy. Many men will tend to use women like this to fill the lonely void until they meet a woman of true value. So, why not keep you around for sex. Don't take this as a compliment, as it clearly is not one. This type of man knows that you won't be the one to end things, despite the way he treats you, so it ends up being a win-win situation...for him.
It seems that the easiest women to get into bed are the one who stupidly believes that by having sex with a guy, they will gain a boyfriend, and in turn—a future husband. When you are desperate, all a guy has to do is give you a warm smile, a little attention, a few compliments—and possibly mention that he would love to see you again before you're more than willing to sleep with him. No wonder there are so many diseases being spread around. But, what the guy doesn't realize is that a desperate woman, does desperate things to hold on to a guy.
I have known women who have been so desperate to have a baby that they lied about being
on birth control in order to get pregnant. Yikes! But, if a man is going to play with fire and sleep with a desperate woman, he should be smart enough to be prepared and carry his own condoms. And besides, if you aren't in a committed relationship and do not know someone's sexual history, there are a lot of other things to be just as concerned about.
I have a friend that desperately wants to be in a relationship, to the point that she gets completely stressed out at the end of the night if she hasn't established a serious connection with a guy. Whenever we have a girls night out, she can't just enjoy the experience of spending time with friends and catching up, instead she finds herself on a continual mission to find a guy. Her ridiculous search usually ends with the same result—men who aren't interested. If she finally does find a guy who will give her the time of day, she will have sex with him right away—in hopes that he will end up wanting a committed relationship. Sadly, when my friend's plan fails (surprise, surprise) she will decide to dig her clutches in deeper by keeping these men in her life, regardless of how badly they treat her. Unfortunately (for her), these men only keep her in their lives for sex with no intention of a meaningful commitment.
This pattern that my friend exubs has created, ends with the same heart wrenching results: my friend crying and consistently complaining that she doesn't understand why guys treat her so poorly (seriously!?). But, she will do nothing about the situation. She also won't work on herself first, so that she doesn't keep searching and attracting the same type of guy—emotionally not into her, in fear that time is running out for her to find love. Hmmmm....I wasn't aware that love can only be found at a certain age.
How many times do I have to say this? You cannot find lasting love if you don't know how to love yourself first. This includes your flaws (which we all have). When you love yourself, seeing though the facade of a guy becomes easier. Also, you won't keep a man around who will treat an old pair of shoes better than he treats you.
Men will usually put their best foot forward when they meet you, so don't get blinded by this—time reveals all things. The true test of anyone's character is how they continue to treat you. Do they stay consistent in their actions? Most men are gung-ho when they first meet a woman who they are physically attracted to, but then fall off the radar because putting in actual effort is usually too difficult for many men. Keeping a desperate woman in their life (again for sex) can be easier for them. All he has to do is tell her what he thinks she wants to hear to get what he wants—sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!
Ladies, regardless of what you may think—dropping your panties for a guy doesn't guarantee that he will call the next day or want to marry you—it's called pillow talk for a reason. I can't tell you how often this backfires. Stop being desperate and more importantly, Stop thinking that once a man has sex with you, he will want a relationship. Figure out what makes you happy and what you really want. When you do, love will easily find you, because confidence goes a long way.
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