- Gender and Relationships
Is He Your "Forever?"
For many women, the thought (or actuality) of being single is dreadful. However, is being in an unhealthy relationship any better? I ask this question a lot in my articles because I repeatedly meet women who are with men that consistently treat them poorly—but they will still insist that they are "in love" and could "possibly" see marrying this guy—if ever asked. Frightening.
If you are in a relationship with a guy, that deep down inside you don't fully envision being with for the rest of your life, then why are you with him? Why waste your time?
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Don't get me wrong, every relationship is a lesson learned. Learn and move on. What's the point of complaining over and over again? Trust me, your girlfriends and family members don't want to hear about everything that is going wrong in your relationship, especially if you are doing nothing to change the outcome. Why continue to stay with a guy who makes you more miserable with only sprinklings of happiness? Be honest with yourself. If you choose to stay with a guy who is making you more miserable than happy, the only person to blame is yours truly.
I get it, some women love drama. They equate drama, to love or passion. However, if the words that are describing your significant other are mostly negative, is that love? Why would you want a lifetime filled with this kind of treatment? Yes, arguments and disagreements will happen; however, they shouldn't take over the relationship.
Is he your forever? Do you see spending the rest of your life with the guy you are with, until death do you part?
Too often, women will rush into relationships that have shown obvious Red Flags early on. When Red Flags appear they don't usually go away. In many cases they will continue to appear and become bigger. Red Flags are the Universe’s (God’s) way of letting us know, "Wake-up ...this is not the right guy for you." But, we don't listen. Instead we make one excuse after another for his crappy behavior, in order to justify why we are staying with him and why we think, he is the one—usually due to lack of self-love and desperation. Really? He is neither the last guy on earth nor your only option, so stop thinking that way.
A guy that you see spending the rest of your life with will undoubtedly value and respect you. He will treat you with kindness. He will speak to you with respectful, loving words. He will want to build a future with you and display this with his actions—which will clearly be louder than his words. The communication won't be one-sided, and if communication is difficult for him, he would be doing something about it—therapy, religious guidance or whatever is comfortable for him. There will be no emotional games and he will make room for you in his life—regardless of what's going on. He will have compassion and understanding regarding your feelings. You will rank high on his priority list and your future goals will be on the same page.
I can't tell you how many times I have seen women who let themselves get "stuck" in relationships that aren't healthy or emotionally beneficial. These women allow themselves to be controlled by restructuring their world to revolve around their guy. They stop hanging out with their friends for fear of upsetting him, or never pick up the phone to talk to friends unless their man is unavailable. They will date men who will talk down to them, or treat them poorly and play games. Or, a man who never calls or answers their phone when they are out with their friends. But still, these women will claim over and over again that they love this guy. Lack of self-love will give you the illusion that it's love you are feeling, even though it's not.
Is He Your Forever, or are you keeping him in your life so you won't be alone? Loneliness can be your worst enemy, causing you to settle when it comes to relationships. No one wants to feel as if they are going to die alone—although technically we all do. Society will make you feel as though being single is the worst feeling—even though it is not. Allowing you to believe that single-hood defines you as a potential spinster—causing you to grasp onto any guy who gives you some attention. Yikes—can you say unhealthy?
Many women also have the idea that getting older means that finding a man will be harder or even impossible. Then there is the panic that your fraternal eggs will become dried up and old once you approach your thirties. Ridiculous! I'm not saying that a woman's eggs don't deplete or the chances of getting pregnant doesn't become slightly harder with age, but grasping on to this idea puts fear in many women. Thinking this way can make a woman frantically hold onto the next guy so tightly—even if he's not the right fit for her, just so she can hopefully get married and have babies before her chances are gone. Like I said, it's ridiculous.
A woman should never feel like she needs to get married and have children before the "expiration" of her eggs runs out. In many cases, age alone has nothing to do with dysfunctional eggs. It's also about life style choices—are you healthy? Do you work out? Are your thoughts negative or positive? Is your job/life stressful? Are there hereditary issues? Do you drink a lot of alcohol, smoke and/or do drugs? Unfortunately, becoming desperate and thinking narrow mindedly will cause women to choose the wrong men, not realizing that with the right guy, none of these things would even matter. If he loves you, you both would figure it out—adoption, surrogate, etc.
Is He Your Forever? Think about that question. When you close your eyes, can you imagine your life without him? Does he uplift you mentally and emotionally? If he were to die tomorrow, would your life be able to go on or would it be so utterly devastating that you wouldn't know how? Do you miss him when he's not around—really miss him, or is there a feeling of relief? Do you feel complete being with him or is there emptiness in your heart? Is it organic and natural being with him or does it consistently feel like a struggle? Are you afraid to leave him and if so why? You should never feel afraid to leave anyone. Sad yes, but never afraid. What do you really want and does he want the same things? Do you feel valued and important in his life or just sub-par?
Ladies, the guy who Is Your Forever, you will know with your entire being, and in your gut. There will be no hesitation or doubt. There will be no "ifs" or "buts." There will be no major changes that need to happen before you know. You will feel happy and emotionally secure. You will feel a spiritual completeness when you're with him, and his energy will make you feel lighter. Your happiness together will be felt and seen by those in your presence—whether you're together in the same room or not. You will feel it in your entire body, mind and soul. So, Is He Your Forever?