Is He Your Valentine....and Do You Want Him To Be?

Valentine's Day is a time to express love or at least solidify that your relationship is heading down the right track. Whether you are newly dating, have been dating for a while, or perhaps in a serious relationship, this day can be joyous and loving. Valentine's Day can also be stressful and emotionally deflating, depending on your own expectations.

There is a lot of anxiety and pressure that can be felt around Valentine's Day. Is he going to do anything for you? Will he make plans at a restaurant, or prepare a romantic dinner for you at home? Will he send flowers? Will he take the time to choose a card or possibly buy you a present? Should you reciprocate? Will he call and acknowledge Valentine's Day or instead pretend that it doesn't exist? Will he purposely go out of town to avoid being with you or will he take you with him?

So many questions and feelings can occur right around this time, however, the biggest question you need to ask yourself, "is he your Valentine...and more importantly, do you really want him to be?"

All too often, we put our faith in love into the hands of men, when in reality, our fate lies in our own hands. Many women would rather be with the wrong guy, just so that they can announce that they have a "Valentine," versus being alone. Just because you are dating or in a relationship around Valentine's Day, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's your valentine or wants to be. And, more importantly, if you are not sure, things can tend to get emotionally messy.

Honestly, there shouldn't be one specific holiday for him to do something special. He should be doing special things throughout the year, and if he isn't, is he really worth your emotional time and energy? Are you spending precious time worrying about his acknowledgement of one specific day?

I think that all major holidays are a great time to reflect on a relationship that you are not 100% sure about—especially Valentine's Day. Is the thought of spending the holidays together joyous or stressful? Is he feeding your soul and filling your heart? Take the time to be honest with yourself and ask the hard question; “Do I really see a future with this guy?” There have been many times that the answer for me, was "No." I view holidays as special moments that should be filled with happiness and love. The same feeling you get when you are with your family and friends during the holidays should be the same feeling—if not greater, that you experience with a man you're dating. When I start to feel anxiety at the thought of spending a holiday with a guy or start worrying if he has planned anything special, that's my inner voice telling me that he is not the right guy and definitely not my Valentine.

I once dated a guy that would simply avoid holidays at all cost. He traveled a lot, so I just chucked it up to bad timing since he just "happened" to be gone on the same weekend or week that a holiday fell on. But, as time passed, I realized that it wasn't a coincidence, it was planned. He viewed holidays on the same level as marriage—once you start spending them together you are making a statement that this is the person you plan to marry. Although I don't take spending holidays to that symbolic level of intensity, it was an eye-opener that he did not see me as "the one,"—his convenient travel schedule made that loud and clear. Ouch!

Holidays can be a big indication of where your relationship is or isn't going. A guy who doesn't want to spend holidays together, especially Valentine's Day—a day of showing caring and love, is a guy who isn't viewing a future with you. Although this can be painful, would you really want to be with a guy that doesn't want to be with you for the long haul? I wouldn't.

Unfortunately, there are some men who have no issues celebrating holidays, however it doesn't mean that they are always going to be enjoyable.

A close friend of mine was dating a guy that right before a holiday or on a holiday—Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Her birthday and Valentine's Day, he would pick a fight with her (not nice). By doing this, it would give him a free pass (in his opinion) to not do anything special for her. This went on for almost a year—way longer then I would have accepted his crappy behavior. In fact, the first time he started picking fights with her was on Valentine's Day—big indication that he was not the one. To make matters worse, during the fights, he would tell her all the things he was "planning" to do, but now, was not. Hmmmm. Before the next Valentine's Day, she came to her senses and knew that she loved and respected herself more than she had realized. She decided that she was "done" with accepting this sub-par treatment from a man who should be showering her with love and affection.

Ladies, being with the right guy means that there won't be a ton of worry and doubt. Holidays will be special with him, regardless of what you do—as long as you are together. He will also be planning things and making you feel special throughout the year—and not waiting around for some made up commercial holiday before doing so. And, when that Hallmark holiday does come around, you will feel excited because you will know in your heart that Cupid has struck his arrow.

Bottom-line, a mature man will show you that you are important—whether it's sentimental, caring or love, any day throughout the year. Trust your gut and you will find your true Valentine!

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