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Is His Enlarged Ego Making Him Less Attractive?

Updated on June 8, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Confidence in a man is sexy. Even a slight ego is attractive. However, an enlarged ego is neither of those things.

Men who are confident don't have to remind you how attractive they are. They don't talk about how much money they have or share financial status immediately. They don't talk about how great they are in bed or the size of their you know what. They don't need to tell you how smart or successful they are. A man who is confident will display it in his actions—how he treats you as well as others—and through his overall presence when he enters a room.

There is a huge difference between a confident man and a man who is led by his ego—which tends to be the biggest thing in the room. Unfortunately, some men don't know the difference and think they are one in the same.

When a man has an enlarged ego, his "confidence" will be display through him being overly boisterous, talking loudly, having the "holier than thou" attitude, and he will usually react before thinking things through—very annoying. He will have a cocky attitude, a feeling of entitlement and a lack of emotional understanding. Oh, and he will proclaim (out loud) how attractive he is, and how lucky you are to have him. A bit of a narcissist—absolutely!

Here's the thing, an enlarged ego is usually developed from having lack of confidence—sounds backwards, I know. This lack of confidence is usually due to the mediocrity he felt growing up—success, looks, height, body type, etc. There was some trait (or possibly more than one) that he was either teased for or maybe just didn't like about himself, causing him to overcompensate with an enlarged ego. This feeling of inadequacy that he experiences will cause him to over exude how great he really is to others—especially women. The hope is if he can sell himself as this “character” he’s created, you won't see the true shortcomings that he's trying to hide. Instead, you will think he is amazing and find him extremely attractive. Can you say reverse psychology?

A big clue that you are involved with a man who has an enlarged ego is when your girlfriends meet him and don't understand the attraction. Their first description when describing him is, "he's definitely not shy." As you're thinking he's the "best thing ever" they are thinking that you could do better. Yikes!

I once dated a guy whose ego was so enlarged, I think it consumed him entirely. He thought he was the most attractive man alive and that any woman would be lucky to date him. He didn't share this info until much later or there wouldn't have been a second date. In fact, he would remind me of his (not so obvious) GQ looks he thought he had.

The interesting thing is that when I first met this guy, I didn't think he was my type, let alone even terribly attractive. Don't get me wrong, he was good looking, but my attraction to him developed the longer we talked and found things we had in common. However, I just didn't have the, "I want to jump this guy’s bones" feeling when I saw him. What made me start to view him differently was what I thought was his confident attitude. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that this "confident attitude" was really just an inflated ego which ended up becoming unattractive fairly quickly once it showed up.

This guy thought that he was all that and a bag of chips....literally. He was great at selling himself to my friends and family, but only on a superficial level. When my sister and niece met him they were less than impressed. They thought he carried this, "holier than thou” attitude that they couldn't understand since there were many things about him that were "just average."

If a guys' enlarged ego was removed (or once you saw through his facade), your attraction to him would fade quickly or cease to exist. Right? But, the funny thing is, if he wasn't so full of himself you probably would still would find him attractive. Like I said, most women like confident men—who have a slight ego. When a man gets carried away with what he thinks is his confident and over sells who he is or what he's capable of giving you—emotionally, sexually, financially, etc...That’s when it becomes a letdown and a complete frustration.

With some men, his enlarged ego will be displayed right off the bat, but often it is hidden and will appear as he becomes more comfortable with you until it finally takes over and causes a wedge in your relationship. It's already hard enough dating a guy who is a poor communicator, has a hard time sharing, or can’t make room for you in his life- how do you handle a guy who has such an enlarged ego that he puts himself on a pedestal of greatness? By the way, this pedestal is only an extension of his delusional bravado...remember a great man never needs to voice it, you know how great he is by his actions.

Many men who have enlarged egos have a hard time following their hearts because they tend to be mostly in their heads. When you first date this guy it might seem as if he is following his heart by the effort he's making—that's called wooing or courting, which most men should do in the beginning and continue to do if they are interested in you for the right reasons. In reality, many ego driven men lead with their head—and yes I mean both. His ego will make sure that he does everything it takes to win your heart, especially if you are "out of his league”...(and with this type of guy, you most likely ARE) in order to either get you into bed or claim you as one of his conquests.

Let's be crystal clear—inflated egos don't always represent what is underneath the surface. This guy is usually average in every way. His looks are average. The way he dresses is average. That dates he plans and the places he takes you are average and the effort he makes…average. If he happens to have a great penis, sex is usually still average…probably because he's more concerned with looking at himself in the mirror versus focusing his attention on you. Hmmm....I am sensing some narcissistic behavior again. Probably because this guy falls from the same tree.

Ladies, as you get to know a guy further you should find him more attractive, not less. If he has to constantly remind you how attractive and great he is....then he's really not. Don't be fooled. At the end of the day, a guy should feel just as lucky to have you as you are to have him and be confident enough to show you.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      "He thought he was the most attractive man alive and that any woman would be lucky to date him." Have we met? LOL!

      Seriously this is very common among a lot of men. Some of it is due in part to how other women have reacted to us before (you) came along.

      There is always someone who has fed their ego before he started to nurse it and treasure it. Unlike women who are used to being hit upon so much they ignore compliments from unwanted sources.... men soak them up!

      I can recall being in a nightclub one night and this attractive woman walks passed me and stuffs her phone number in my jacket.

      Now if a man does that to a woman she may be insulted but trust me very few men are going to feel that way if it happens to them!

      Any guy that rarely gets rejected by women for dates or sex has a huge ego! As you stated most women will never know this for sure until after they've said "yes" to them themselves!

      She may dump him but "the legend continues..." :) She's on his "list"!

      Lastly: When women keep telling the world it's so hard to find a "good man" it's only natural for such a guy who (believes) he's a "good man" to think any woman with him is "lucky" to be with him. He knows he's a "catch".

    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 2 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Great post!

      This sentence is so very insightful--you said: "The hope is if he can sell himself as this “character” he’s created, you won't see the true shortcomings that he's trying to hide. Instead, you will think he is amazing and find him extremely attractive."

      Creating a character in one's own mind takes lots of lies to oneself and to others to keep the myth alive. Yet many people simply take a person for what their worth--just a story teller.

      But, this is different than setting a goal and having a picture in your own mind of what that new person would be--then making an action plan to see if you can really get there.

      The bottom line is that people don't have to tell you who they are. Unconsciously, perceptive people already know it.