- Gender and Relationships
Is His Kiss A Tell All?
Sometimes a kiss is all you need to figure out if you have a romantic connection or not. A kiss can determine if there is physical chemistry or on the flip side can be something that can completely turn you off.
It still amazes me when I come across a guy whose kiss style is really awkward or bad. Ok, maybe that's not completely fair—I'm sure there is some obscure woman out there that might like his kissing style, however that would still surprise me especially if he doesn't grasp the concept of basic kissing.
Basic kissing is knowing when to pull back your tongue verses protruding it out and keeping it out like a dead fish. Or the complete opposite—never using your tongue at all. And of course, over use of the tongue is just annoying especially in the method of licking, back and forth poking, or quick flutter movements for no reason at all.
Kissing someone that you think you have feeling for is important—a kiss can be the tell-tale sign if you truly have physical chemistry beyond finding someone attractive. When you kiss someone it can be like having your own sneak preview of what sex would ultimately be like. If a kiss is awkward or just doesn't mesh with you, most likely you wouldn't even think about going to the next level since kissing is usually what turns you on (or off) to begin with.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all great kissers always equal to being great lovers. I kissed a guy who was a fantastic kisser—he was passionate, he knew where to place his hands perfectly on my face and neck, and the way he breathed while kissing me was very intense—I literally would get mentally lost kissing him....not a thought in my mind would enter except wanting the kiss to never end. Sounds mesmerizing right? Should have been. However, when we finally slept together the sex was less then sub-par. It was as if he had no idea what he was doing and foreplay was nonexistent—which was odd since his mouth and tongue had a lot of foreplay with my mouth, lips and neck. Luckily, great kissers equaling bad lovers is not the norm. Thank God!
Being a great kisser basically means that your kissing style works with the person you are kissing. The kiss fits—you enjoy kissing that person to the point that you want to continue kissing again and again. Yes, there are different kissing styles for different people. If you like extremely soft kisses and the person you are kissing does too....great you have found a style that matches for you. If you enjoy biting and so does the person you're biting...again great. But, if your style is completely different...than any chemistry that might have been felt can be gone in an instant. Also, if the person you are kissing has absolutely no idea what they are doing—this can not only be very confusing, but frustrating as well as a major turn-off. You shouldn't have to teach an old dog new tricks he should already know.
What I don't understand is when a guy thinks he's a great kisser but really isn't and then gets offended when you politely tell him that his style of kissing doesn't work for you.
I went on a date with a guy whose kissing style did not agree with me—which was disappointing since I found him attractive and liked his personality. The first faux pas was asking if he could kiss me. Men, if you are feeling the connection and the chemistry is there, take the bull by the horns and go in for the kiss—the worst that can happen if she is not interested—she will pull back or turn her head. When a guy asks if he can kiss you it takes some of the romance out of the kiss—for me this did. It also gave me time to question if I really wanted him to kiss me....I thought I did before he asked but once he asked it made me think he wasn't as confident as I thought—which completely put doubts in my head if I really wanted to kiss him.
When he did kiss me, it was like being engaged in an awkward dance—I was doing the tango and he was doing jazz movements—except his style of jazz was all over the place (Bebop)—completely opposite styles that didn't connect. I just couldn't keep up, nor did I want too. He would come in for the kiss and not completely connect with my lips—trying to be overly passionate. And, when he did connect, the tongue dance he was doing was so odd that I couldn't match his choreograph or find his rhythm. Needless to say, this confirmed that romantically we were not a match.
When you kiss someone it is a lot like dancing—either you have the rhythm and chemistry with the person you are kissing or you don't. When you come across a bad dancer (kisser)—for you—it can be a major turn off and a huge sign that the person you are kissing is meant to be just an acquaintance or friend.
On the flip-side, a great kiss can change your feelings of "just friendship" to something more...
I was friends with a guy for many years and never felt anything for him past friendship until the day he kissed me. The kiss was completely unexpected. We were hanging out with friends having cocktails when out of nowhere he turned and grabbed my face and planted a kissed on my lips. This kiss stopped time. The chemistry was so intense between us—kissing him felt as if no one else was around us—it literally took my breath away that when we stopped it took a few seconds for me to remember where I was. The friendship that I only saw with this guy changed just from one kiss.
When you kiss someone there is always the chance that the kiss might not be good, that there won't be any chemistry felt, or that the connection isn't there—and yes timing is everything! However, it can also ignite emotions that you didn't expect—in a good way.
If my friend went in for the kiss a moment too soon or later I might have had time to pull away— questioning what he was doing. Also, if the kiss was bad...it could have potentially ruined the friendship we had as well as made me feel uncomfortable being around him. Kissing me was definitely a risk that paid off.
Although coming across a guy who's a bad kisser is rare, especially the older you are, it can happen. Like I said, a bad kiss can be like watching someone on a dance floor who has no rhythm or coordination—but thinks they do. Similar to a wide open mouth with an uncontrollable tongue aiming for your mouth and all you want to do is duck and hide. His lips, which should be doing the perfect dance with yours is instead awkwardly not connecting and the chemistry that should be felt isn't there.
Kissing is a personal and intimate experience....which shouldn't be complicated.
I get it, sometimes a kiss might not be romantic movie star perfect on the very first try, however by the second or third try if kissing still feels unnatural or complicated then that's most likely a sign that the chemistry might not be there.
Don't get me wrong, when you first kiss someone that you have never kissed before there might be noses that bump, perhaps heads that turn in the wrong direction—because the kiss wasn't expected or maybe nervousness came into play—but the second try should flow with way more ease—a dance that only gets better each time you get together, not worse.
Ladies, if you come across a guy whose kiss does nothing for you on an emotional or physical level, be honest with him. Not every man you kiss is supposed to develop into something more. Sometimes a kiss is only meant to tell you that you haven't found your Prince Charming yet!
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