- Gender and Relationships
Is His Love Of Sports Benching You?
Football, basketball, baseball, golf—when a guy is into many or possibly all sports, is there any room for you in his life?
For a relationship to grow, there needs to be quality time spent together. Finding quality time can already be difficult when he has a demanding job, works out on a regular basis, spends time with his friends and family and possibly has parenting responsibilities. Add the love of watching sports and his time becomes very limited in regards to you. If he coaches a sport as well—you might be benching your relationship until the season is over.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that dating a man who watches sports won’t work. As long as he is making a genuine effort, dating this type of guy just means having a little more patience and understanding.
I can’t say this enough, a man who is into you will make time for you. However, for some men, the love of sports is so powerful that it can consume them—sucking them into some sort of sports vortex that they don't even realize they are in, let alone how to get out of. When they get sucked in, they are unaware of how it changes them...they become obsessed. They seem to live for the game and you find yourself somewhere further down on his priority list.
Conversations about you and him change to conversations about scores and competing teams. Talks about your future together, change to talks about upcoming games. And conversations about anything difficult going on in your life, will get related to play by play of past athletic glory—like the triumphant scene in a stereotypical sports movie. Seriously?
What can be even more challenging, is when you meet a guy right before the high sports season; aka football and basketball, and then try to date him. Meeting a guy during this time can make it difficult for you to get to know him and also hard to get any significant or meaningful quality time together, regardless if you are a sports lover or not. In fact, if you do like sports—but don't love them, or maybe you aren't into sports at all, it can be even more frustrating dating a guy who is all-consumed with his favorite sports and teams.
Even if you are a gal that also loves watching football and/or basketball, there isn't a lot of room for meaningful conversations with a guy while watching the game(s). More importantly, if you don't like sports, the likelihood of seeing him during this time will be rare and when you do, his mind will be preoccupied with sports scores and any upcoming games that he is planning on watching or attending.
When a guy is all-consumed with sports he will watch both college football and NFL. If he has a son (or several) on a football team in middle school or high school he will also be busy watching games every Friday night. What this means is; not only will all his Friday nights be booked watching football, but also every Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Mix this busy schedule with other sports—that ends up being seven days a week, including his entire Saturdays and Sundays spent watching games. Great. His sports distraction won't just end with watching, he will also read articles on ESPN.com to get the latest updates. Oh, and let's be honest, if he is that "into" sports, he most likely owns a PS4 or Xbox that he plays sports games on with his kids or friends.
Whatever games this guy can attend or watch on ESPN, the Sports Channel, etc., he will be watching...Lucky you. If you're really, really lucky he has invested in the Sports Entertainment Package: NFL RedZone, ESPN Goal Line, PAC-12 Networks, CBS Sports Network, Fox College Sports, Tennis Channel, Outside Television, beIn SPORT—yay....another way for him to never miss a game.
When you are trying to have quality time with a sports lover it can be annoying on many levels. Either he will plan dates around football/basketball games (or both)—either making early dates and leaving you, "in time for kickoff," or he will plan a late night rendezvous—where you get to see him riled up from whatever happened during the game and smelling like beer. Fun! Or he will change or cancel plans if he gets tickets to a game. And, when you think you are having a romantic dinner or night out—he will make sure he chooses places where there is a TV so he can see the game or highlights from past games—always facing in the direction of the TV. Trust me, don't plan on telling him anything important...he won't be fully listening to remember.
Don't get me wrong, it's great for a guy to have a passion, and for many men, it is the love of sports—especially football, basketball or baseball. If he happens to love all three...that means sports watching all-year-round. Hurrah!
So what's a girl to do? Like I said, some men don't realize that they have been sucked into the sports vortex— sports trumping you. Communication is very important—so communicate what you are feeling. If he does care for you and really wants you in his life, he will listen (just make sure there are no TVs in the room when you are talking) to your concerns and compromise.
Ladies, everything is about compromise. You can't take a man completely out of sports, and you shouldn't want to. For most men it's a huge part of who they are. Know that the right guy will respect and value what you are feeling and will work hard to being mindful not to cancel or change plans you already have together for a game. If tickets are offered for a game that he really wants to go to and there is nothing extremely important that you have planned, he will either offer to include you, or talk with you first—making a decision together that leaves both of you happy and satisfied.
Bottom line, you can't make the football, basketball or baseball season go away. If you don't like sports at all, again, it is still important to compromise. Maybe 25% of the time you watch games together—you never know, you might end up liking the sport. The other 25% you spend with your non-sport girlfriends—giving you girl time as well as time for him to watch sports with friends. The other 50% can be spent on building the relationship you have—hopefully moving it to the next level. However, if he's unwilling to compromise, it might be time to check the team roster and find a more suitable player whose goal is to win your heart!