- Gender and Relationships
Is His Narcissistic Behavior Controlling His Actions?
Most women have come across a narcissistic man—either at work, a friend they know, a guy they have dated, even someone they're currently in a relationship with. The biggest tell-tale sign of narcissistic man is that they are all about themselves....they love themselves—A Lot! They love looking at themselves in mirrors, talking about themselves, and anything that revolves around them—that makes only themselves ultimately happy. Narcissistic men don't normally do things unless it benefits them in some way. Basically, these men are very, very selfish.
Yes, if you break it down, everyone can have slight narcissistic tendencies. However, a guy who is a narcissist will not only think he isn't, he will also let his behavior become an issue in your relationship, never regarding your opinions nor how his behavior affects you.
Since men who are narcissistic think only about themselves, they will mask it by putting a facade—by pretending to be whomever they want you to think they are in order to get what they want.
These men really should be actors—oh wait, a lot of them are. A guy like this will tell you exactly what you want to hear, or do things that he knows you think are "special," but in actuality, aren't...at least not to him, since he's only doing these things to woo you or gain your trust. This goal is to persuade you to want to be with him—for companionship, and most likely, for sex—until he's decided that you no longer serve his needs and he moves on.
Since many narcissistic men will have a strong facade, they will also surround themselves with superficial friends. These friends will adore him, laugh at his jokes and hang out with him, but will never know him on a deep intimate level. Because men like this have a hard time opening up—keeping themselves at an emotional distance— it's very hard to get close to them. This type of guy will have an extremely hard time showing vulnerability, and when he does he gets freaked out—like a scared little boy. Basically, his "friends" are just social buddies that hang around to keep him company when he's bored—which happens a lot—to drink, party, and attend social events with. A narcissistic guy would rather hang out with his social buddies than risk getting too intimately close with a woman.
When you are with a narcissistic man, there is not at lot of compromise (again, unless it's beneficial to him). Don't get me wrong, he will compromise if he knows it will make you happy...which, in turn, makes him happy because he eventually gets what he wants (typically sex). Since his compromises tend to actually benefit HIM the most, and because he's very good at manipulating situations, he will make you think that whatever he's compromising about is really your idea or something that you really want to do...when it actually isn't.
Narcissistic men are also great at projecting. Whenever you argue with this type of guy, he will turn it around—projecting on you to make you feel like you were in the wrong. This guy is so good at projecting that you will start to believe that whatever you are arguing about is occurring because of you, not him. He does this by acting like he's taking ownership for his actions—at first, but, give it a day or two (or possibly a few hours), and he will find a way to blame you instead. Nothing is ever this guys fault.
I've dated a few narcissistic men. One that particularly stands out was a guy I dated a few years ago. This guy was really into himself, and had no problem letting everyone know. Not only would he tell you how good looking and sexy he was, ("hey babe, you know I'm sexy right?")...little did he know he was much sexier when he wasn't talking. He was a man who loved his reflection in the mirror, I would consistently catch him looking at himself—usually with his shirt off, flexing and posing. This nonsense didn't just stop there.
This guy was beyond selfish when it came to his needs and what he wanted. Not only was this displayed in the bedroom, but also in public. He would give me a guilt trip if I suggested doing anything that didn't involve including his entourage of friends being there. If we went out and I didn't give him complete attention he would get upset, however he had no issues leaving my side to talk to other people—can you say hypocritical?
He was also very selfish when it came to his time. He would cancel plans with me—usually last minute—if something better came along. He would also make plans, never talking to me first about what my availability was or if I wanted to join him. In his mind, what he wanted to do came first and if it happened to work out with my schedule then great...if not, oh well.
This narcissistic guy also always expected me to come to his place, and 90% of the time we hung out we went to places HE wanted to go—he never would ask me first, and his friends had to be there. If we made plans for dinner, he would usually eat something before and then tell me he wasn't hungry—therefore no dinner for me.
Since this guy was all about the "show" and had a hard time opening up to me, this relationship was going nowhere fast. And the moment he did open up and become vulnerable—which was twice, he would either disappear the next day—not making plans to see me and hardly communicating through phone calls or text messages, or he would pick a fight over something stupid—giving him reason (in his head) to end things. Like I said, his narcissistic behavior got old very quickly.
There are definitely behaviors you need to look out for when you meet a man that is potentially a narcissist…
19 Narcissistic Behaviors:
- Won't admit when he's wrong
- Doesn't take responsibility for his actions
- Won't ask for directions when driving
- Rarely apologizes
- Can't take any criticism as constructive
- Sense of machismo
- Has a hard time being empathetic
- Looks at himself in any reflective surface—including car mirrors & butter knives
- He's very stubborn
- He values his opinion the most
- Won't let you get a word in edgewise—talks over you
- He gives out a false sense of security
- Doesn't let himself feel or be vulnerable
- Cares about his appearance/physique at abnormal level
- He assumes everything's about him
- Overly self-assured
- Has a short temper
As with all my list, if you have noticed that a guy has a few of these attributes, then he may have some narcissistic tendencies (this isn't actually a horrible thing), but not be an actual narcissus. Like I said, many men (and women) can have a few tendencies, however if he has most of these behaviors…you might want to reevaluate if he is the right guy for you.
Overall, narcissistic men will seem to be enough for themselves—usually, because they are. And as my friend told her narcissistic boyfriend, "far be it from me to impinge on your ‘you’-time." Her boyfriend wasn't putting any time aside for her from the beginning of their relationship. He had time for everything else—working out, his business—that he owned, his friends, family, eating, sleeping, etc., anything that had to do with him. When it came to her, she was always secondary if anything else better came along. Seriously!? Why even be in a relationship?
Ladies, dealing with a narcissistic man makes you feel as if the world revolves around him and him only—because it does. You won't feel like you matter, and you definitely won't feel important. You deserve better than that, and you definitely shouldn't settle for a man who is more in love with himself than you!
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