ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Is It Just A Break Or A Break Up?

Updated on July 27, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Let's be extended break from a relationship that lasts more than a week is essentially a break-up—with the option of getting back together—if no one better comes along. Seriously?

Why would separating yourself for weeks or possibly months from the person you claim you care about be the solution, versus working together on whatever the issue is? You either want to be with that person (stay together) or you don't (break-up). Time apart does not build trust.

Since issues in relationships don't magically figure themselves out nor disappear, having extended time apart won't suddenly change what either one of you were originally feeling that caused the break to begin with. Many times having a break will only prolong the inevitable—an official break-up.

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand that sometimes two people might need some time apart—a couple days, maybe a week—to allow adequate time to decide how they feel about a particular situation that has risen. However, needing a few days to sort things out is completely different from announcing that you are on a break that will last several months, yet you are still talking and seeing the person you are on a break from.

I get it, break-ups are never fun—that's why time is always needed to help heal your heart to be able to move on emotionally. Being on an extended break only slows down this process.

Truthfully, it's a cop out and frankly an immature way of saying that you are broken-up, but you don't want things to fully end because you still want this person in your life. Until you decide what those feelings are, a break gives you the option to date and have sex with other people. Hmmmm...I'd rather officially break-up.

What's ridiculous about being on a break is that many couples can't decipher what that really means. There are couples who will still talk regularly with the person they are supposedly on a break with, which basically means they are still together. Others will be on a break and have minimal communication—seeing and talking only every so often. And then there are couples who say they are on a break but end up having zero communication until the break ends up being permanent. Personally, I would rather have the Band-Aid ripped off then the slow agonizing torture of wondering if the guy I'm on a break with really wants to be with me once I've waited around for him to decide…No thanks!

If a person claims they care about you but doesn't want to spend the time or energy to work on a relationship with you then you need to end things. Period!

Relationships take work, relationships take work, relationships take work—honestly, I don't know how many times I have to say this in my articles. If you care about someone, if you love this person, if you want to be with them...figure it out and be with them. That doesn't involve a break that lasts weeks or months.

I find it hilarious (more like ridiculous) when I hear that a couple is on a break from each other. What does that really mean? need time apart—weeks or months—to figure out if you miss that person enough to want to be with them again? Or maybe, having time apart will make you forget about all the annoying things that person did to make you want to have the break in the first place…so, the more time apart = the greater chance you'll forget? I think that some people take the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" a little too serious. A break is just an excuse to see if there is anyone better than the person you have been in a relationship with, while keeping your ex in the wings. Give me a break!

Since a break is really a break-up—no matter how you sugar coat it— you have now become a free agent (aka: single again). You have the right to do whatever you want to do, unless there has been prior communication regarding the “terms” of your break. Being on a break is technically a free, no consequence pass to do whatever and whomever you want—without guilt. There are usually no exact time frames for how long the break will be. Also, breaks give the option to get back together with the person you are on a break with if they are still available. Sound exhausting and complicated? It is...and frankly, it’s stupid.

People who love to be on "breaks" want to have their cake and eat it too. These are usually the people whose Facebook status says, "It’s Complicated"—which really means, "my ex is still in my life, but since we aren't “together” together, I am still available to the rest of you." Are you kidding? Why would you want to wait around for someone to come back into your life—if and only if they haven't found anything better? I don't think so. If a guy isn't happy enough with me to stay together and work on things, then don't be with me.

When I went through a rough patch with a yearlong boyfriend, his solution was for us to take a break for a month or so. My reaction—if we can't be adults and figure things out then we don't need to be together. Saying this was confusing to him....he just couldn't understand why I wouldn't agree to this break he was suggesting.

When I decide to be exclusive with someone I take that seriously. For me that means that we work on issues, not run away from them or think that time apart is the solution. Time might make you miss someone, but it doesn't resolve any issues that are there. In fact, it can create new ones since breaks usually mean less communication and therefore consistency in his behavior that built the foundation of the relationship will begin to crumble. Consistency in behavior equals trust…if that changes, so does my desire to be with a guy.

As he attempted to convince me why a break would be great for us he failed to understand that dating other women (which is something he wanted to be able to be open to do) was not a good way to build our relationship…in fact it was the complete opposite. Instead of giving full attention to fixing our relationship his solution was being available to date other women while keeping me around??? The break he needed ended up being a permanent one that I gave him, making it very clear that we were broken-up and would not be getting back together.

In all relationships it's important to take adequate time (not a break) while together to figure out what your thoughts and feeling truly are—quick emotional decisions are never a good thing. If you intend for your relationship to last, you don't want to unravel the hard work youve put in to building it.

Bottom-line, if the feelings and desire are no longer there, it’s much more respectable to simply state the truth, instead of stringing someone along with lukewarm half-in/half-out sentiment… Cut the strings so you can both move on. If you happen to come back to each other, you’ll have a much clearer perspective of what went wrong the first time, and a much greater desire to never lose that person again.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)