- Gender and Relationships
Is There An Underlying Meaning To Your Exes Text?
I will never understand the point of an ex reaching out—out of the blue—through a text message that says "hi, how are you?" Does he really want to know and why suddenly does it matter? But the worst is when you decide to respond back (nicely) and in return you get no text back from him. Really?!! Ladies that's called control issues and game playing.
I get that sending a text messages is letting you know that your ex is thinking of you. Wonderful. So, if you are on his mind why doesn't he follow up with a text that asks you if you would be open to meeting up for coffee or a cocktail? Why ask how you are and not respond back when you tell him? Was he taking a poll of some kind?
Here's the thing, if you are not interested in seeing your ex or communicating with him, you can break his curiosity of wondering "how you are" through a direct response back—"No I don't want to be friends or have you in my life so please stop texting me." Then hopefully he can emotionally move on and stop contacting—out of the blue or for no reason that you're aware of. Of course depending on the severity of how things ended, maybe saying nothing (by not responding) is the best recourse for you.
Is texting you really for no reason....
People miss each other and I get texting is a way of expressing that—even if you don't want to see the person. However, when you text without any seeming intent, it can bring up emotions for the person you are texting, which is selfish. If you have no desire to get back together or be friends or see the person, then why reach out? Do your ex a favor and leave them alone and move on.
Since many men react to emotions at that very moment, they don't realize the effect their actions might cause.
Depending on how long you dated or the emotional connection that you had, yes it's natural to miss someone—even if you don't want to be back in a romantic relationship. However, reaching out, even in a simple way can be misleading. Men need to think before playing the "hi, how are you?" texting game. Also if the relationship ended badly, do men really think that if months pass or possibly years that a casual text is the problem solver? Well, it isn't. In fact it can make reading his text confusing, annoying and frankly unsettling on an emotional level—especially if you decide to respond back—and then he doesn't—again, were you taking a survey for his amusement?
Why ask a question that you have no intent on responding back too? Unfortunately as women we have a strong nurturing side which makes it almost instinctual to respond back. Although for many women there is also an underling curiosity and hope...
Who wouldn't be somewhat curious as to why an ex has decided to reach out? The thing is, curiosity can start the fantasies (or narratives) in your head. You may start wondering if he is finally going to apologize for the way he treated you or maybe he finally has realized how stupid he was for letting you go. Or there might be a small gleam of hope that he finally wants to get back together—especially if you still have romantic feelings for him. Wake-up that rarely happens. The reality—he's most likely testing the waters to see if you might be open to having sex again. Yes....I just said that—usually the text is less coded then you think.
Think about it, if you respond back in a positive manner then you are letting him know—without saying "it"—that things between you are cool. He has planted the seed of putting himself back into your thoughts and possibly your life.
Most women can claim they are done with a guy, however the true test is at the very moment your ex decides to reach out again. If you really are done and don't ever want him in your life, why respond back? To be polite....seriously, who are you fooling? And if you honestly just want to be friends, why play games, why not just tell him?
Women have egos too, and our egos always want to believe that our exes are out there pining for us, regardless if we ended the relationship or not. Receiving a text—even one that isn't meaningful—confirms all the proof (for our ego) that we are still missed and wanted. Yay, your ex thought about you enough to reach out—so that has to mean something...right? Not the way you might be hoping for. Yes, being on his mind and him possibly wanting you may be true, however, most likely—for him—it's for the hope of a casual hookup (one day) versus wanting to get back together. Ouch!
Most of the men that I have had a serious relationship (and some that were not as serious) have reached out to me—months later or even longer—after things ended. When this first occurred I was extremely flattered until I realized that contacting me was in hopes for a lay again—not a stay. Great. Knowing my exes still wanted to sleep with me really wasn't a compliment. Think about it, I wasn't good enough for an ex to work on keeping our relationship together but I am for a hook-up once in a while? Wow! A little insulting.
At first my ego could not fully believe that sex was the only thing that my exes were reconnecting me for, so I would make up stories in my mind that my exes wanted me back (even if I didn't want them)—because I am a great catch—so why wouldn't they? Although there were a few of my exes that did want to reconcile...the majority wanted temporary companionship (sex). Great.
The fact was we were exes for a reason and our big differences were never going to change—I knew that—I wasn't a complete idiot. Why complicate things further with sex? Well, if you still have unresolved feelings you can talk yourself into believing that having sex again can make your ex want you back romantically. I have done that before with an ex and it didn't work out in my favor.
Most men can separate emotions from sex. Fool me once—shame on you, fool me twice—that just makes me gullible and stupid. Neither one I was a big fan of. I have more self-worth then that.
Yes there are some men that will lead with a flirty text to let you know their intentions, however many men will use the sly casual approach—especially if things didn't end well the last time you saw him but sex was never the issue. Many men will lead with their hormones, especially if they haven't had sex in a while, have had bad sex or just became newly single (again)—thinking: maybe...just maybe you'd be open to a romp in His hay if you were horny.
Ladies, if an ex reaches out, be honest about where your emotions are before deciding to respond to any text messages or you can be creating unnecessary drama for yourself. If you want to sleep with an ex, great...just know sex can complicate things—more than you might realize. Also if you are emotionally over your ex and don't want him in your life then be upfront with him or don't text back—you are not obligated to—remember he is you ex, not your friend.
Bottom line.....sometimes the best response is silence.