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It's Always Complicated

Updated on July 21, 2015
Source

7/20

We argue a lot. We argue about the things he says. He puts words in my mouth. He misrepresents me to others. He twist the things that I say. We don't really have a great relationship at all. Sometimes he's complicated. It's often hard to keep up with all the things he needs to stay connected. Sometimes he is so very disconnected. There are areas where he refuses to communicate at all. Sometimes he's a lot of fun. He has the best games when I'm bored. He tries his best to keep me connected to friends and family. He invest most of his energy on me but sometimes that's not enough for me. Sometimes he'll spend all his energy on me on all the things that I don't really need and then when I do need him he is completely spent. It's like he has nothing else to give for the day and it doesn't matter how important it is, he needs to recharge his batteries alone. Maybe I'm demanding, but that gets so frustrating. I feel like I can't be without him. He gives me a false sense of security and control but he is completely unreliable sometimes. It's a confusing relationship. We have gotten outside help and have often switched our plan to get a better connection. We look for strong signs and signals but there are always cons and areas that just seem to be dead for us. After talking with others, we hear that there is very little difference out there. When he is completely disconnected and drained I feel like I'm dragging him around for no reason like a dead weight but I can't just leave him behind. I try things to give him energy. Against my better judgement, I try to reconnect knowing he isn't ready yet. We can't go anywhere when he gets like that. We just sit around and wait till he is good and ready. Resting at night doesn't seem to be enough for him. Sometimes things work out in a way where I need to leave him behind and on those days I feel so free. I feel like there is less drama in my life, less obligation. It feels good to let go of all these things that feel so urgent when he is around. I feel like I can get more done without his distraction and neediness but I can't think of my days without him. It's such a complicated mess but I know I will always have him or someone like him in my life. He is my link to the world around me and has become a necessity. It may be toxic at times but I take the good with the bad and there are a lot of conveniences. I do live (love) him after all. So what he drives me nuts and can't spell... Whose phone is perfect anyway?

© 2015 Lissette

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    • Moms-Secret profile image
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      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Always exploring... I am afraid that my heart was not made to understand this type of complication in a man but a phone is a different story. Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Frank, I have no patience for this type of drama in humans but I can't seem to exist without my phone for more than a few days. The typo is awesome isn't it. Thats the way my phone always spells love. I wrote this with my phones voice command and while I added punctuation and grammer, it paid me no attention. lol.

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Hahaha, Faith...

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Hi Jodah. Nice to see you. I am glad you enjoy it.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I thought you were talking about your love interest until the last line when you mentioned the phone. They are complicated at times but what would we do without them? Interesting read.....

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      sounds like you're in a mess..oh girl.. hey didnt understand you said you still live him.. ( Love?) and whose phone is perfect anyways.. wtf? poor it out girl it'll help...

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Ah ... the perfect Allegory, thank goodness hahaha You had me going there. I'm so literal at times. Yes, he certainly can't spell ...that phone!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      haha...you had me until the last line. Damn phones, they can be so necesary but frustrating too.

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Hahaha, not quite Daniel.

    • profile image

      newenglandsun 2 years ago

      A dog?

    • Moms-Secret profile image
      Author

      Lissette 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Faith Reaper, you brought a smile. The last line reveals the object of such a complicated relationship. I am happy to report that it is not the man in my life.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Wow, Lissette,

      I feel like I am invading in on reading your private journal here of your private thoughts. I don't know if I could accept continuing to be in such a relationship for it sounds a bit codependent on one side, and indifferent on the other side ...but that is just me. I wouldn't want to keep on dragging it out for sure when life is so short as it is. Now, I am thinking out loud here.

      Relationship are certainly complicated but not sure they should be that much work ...

      Blessings