- Gender and Relationships
It's Okay to be Alone
As a recently single person, I've went through "The 5 Stages" too many times to count. Sometimes I'm angry, others I'm covering my face at 2 o'clock in the morning because I'm sad and I physically can't do anything and I don't want to. But I promise it is not the end of things, you're not dying, and this isn't going to be what kills you.
Maybe you did love them with everything in you, so what? They left and didn't think twice about it, or you left and gave it no second thought either. Maybe your sitting at your desk thinking about how much you laughed together and how much you thought you were in love with them and all of the plans that you had that now continue to only stay alive as dreams. Just because they're gone doesn't mean you have to leave yourself and try to find them. There is only one person who knows you completely and that person just so happens to be you. You'll never find a better date, a better shoulder to cry on or a stronger foundation. I know, you're thinking "well, I'm not as strong as you are" or "maybe but I don't know how". You do know how though, you know it better than anyone. If you can't figure it out alone, it's okay to ask for help, because you're going to grow and you're going to find yourself, and you're going to be happier than you could have ever thought possible. Trust yourself and you'll find yourself.
1. It's going to be okay
The most cliche-est statement ever, probably; but it's also the truest. And the more you tell yourself that things are going to be okay, the more they actually start becoming okay, the more you start to realize that even though they broke your heart you lived through it, you're still a fighter and you haven't given up. The sun still comes up for you. It's going to take time because happiness happens over time, not over night. There is nothing promised to us. Ever. And that's a hard pill to swallow, but you're going to live through this, you're going to be able to wake up tomorrow and say "I'm stronger than I was yesterday" and you're going to eventually be okay.
2. You're totally allowed to cry
The best medicine, is not in fact laughter, it's ugly crying at 3 a.m sitting on the shower floor. And that's okay. You don't have to be strong always. You're hurting, your heart is broken and you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Don't hold back. Let it out and let it go. If you cry bout it now, you won't need to later. If you get it all out first hand you'll finally be able to look at the situation and say "I'm hurt and emotional, but I'm going to be stronger." You cant cry forever though. A solid 15-20 minutes will do the trick, after that pick yourself up off the floor, and become that strong person you hope to be. You cried, you got it all out, now you can begin to move on.
3. Don't join a dating site just yet
Between, farmersonly.com, eharmony.com, and all of the other dating sites and apps, you almost feel pressured to join one immediately. But refrain from joining one as long as possible if at all. You're still hurt. You're trying to fill the hole they left you with. It's just going to always be the same thing, you'll match with someone and then realize there's nothing there because you're only trying to get over someone, but really I guess that's all we ever do until we find someone we don't want to get over. It's okay to join a site if you know that it's not going to do you any more harm and heartbreak. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. At the end of the day we are all just trying to find one thing, and that's ourselves from the dark that we're sitting in.
4. Moving the Hell On
Bet you thought we'd never get to this one, huh? Well, here it is. It's not going to be easy. At all. Because you were in love, you made memories and plans, maybe you even got a cute cat together and now all of that has been taken from you and you feel like you have nothing. Hang in there. We all have been there. And there is that beautiful word, we. Meaning, that you are not alone. Someone, somewhere is going through the same thing you're going through. They've cried on the shower floor, they've skipped class because they were too sad to go, they've done things to make the pain go away, even if it is just for a few hours. But there is power in numbers, and if you're not the only one, then that means your in luck because someone has survived the heartbreak, they built their bridges, crossed them, then burned them down. And, in time, that's going to be you. You're going to look back and ask yourself why you even loved everything about this person, because they clearly saw your flaws and wasn't scared to leave you drowning in them. So what, they were the only person you could ever open up to or the only person you thought you would ever love. But they moved on, and now you deserve to move on too. You deserve more happiness than anyone in the world.You deserve peace and you deserve someone who isn't going to find your flaws and point them out. You also deserve time. You deserve to be angry and sad and you deserve to deny that what you and this person had is over. You deserve to be hurt, but don't let the pain kill you.
Be happy. Go to the beach alone. Plan a you day. Find your friends and drag them to your favorite place and just talk. Do something. Because just like happiness, you deserve to find yourself. If you're not happy with yourself, change what you don't like. Go to the gym, get some sun, be creative, paint, draw, sing at the top of your lungs cruising down the coast. Find your happiness and then find yourself. You can be strong and independent and you can be yourself. No one else defines you or your happiness, only you can do that. And you can sure as hell be just as happy by yourself as you can with some man or woman. You can do so much you beautiful human, find it and do it.