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It's a Quarter to Three...

Updated on March 11, 2010

.....and I cannot sleep, I toss and I turn

and still no relief. God I need You now.

My thoughts are a mess, I need some rest.

I get up, step out the door

and silence surrounds me.

Alone on the porch, the dark, like a cloak,

falls in around me.

I start to cry, I let go inside,

emotions run rampant.

How did I get here? where will I go?

alone with my thoughts,

my sobs I can't stop, where did this come from?

I let it take over, empty my heart

of the sorrow of the past

pushed in a corner, locked away tight,

who opened the door?

why now, I ask, why here, why at all?

Why when I am alone and no arms to hold me?

The decisions they make, the things that they do

make no sense, how can they abuse?

This is not my problem, it is not my choice,

yet my heart hurts for the pain they have caused.

I cannot undo the damage that's done,

their souls I'm concerned for, their hearts need some sun.

Not the darkness that lies there, undetected, unheard,

til out of the blue it makes itself known.

I can't hold it in, I must let it go,

take this pain from my heart, I can't let it unfold.

Alone with my thoughts, my sorrow, my pain

my heart cries out for some positive thing.

They're alive, they're still breathing

there's still chance for a change, can they do it,

can they wake up from the sleep of a negative frame?

Can they shake off the darkness that lies within

and embrace the sweetness on a much lighter plane?

I cannot dwell here, its not mine to own, yet God, How

I love them and want so much more,

 for the hearts I have raised,

for the love I have shown.

 Why can't that take over

and soothe them inside?

So I sit in the darkness and listen to the silence

of the world around me. Yet, inside I hear the beating of my heart,

the questions that consume me, and have from the start.

I pray for love, I pray for peace, I pray for deliverance from the

hateful beast, that rises up in them til they let it unleash

and turn on their loved ones with furious fists.

I must go, I must leave,

this door that has opened inside of me.

Lock it up tight and hope for the best,

I can't stay here,

I do need some rest, from the questions, the pain,

the uneasy feelings that haunt me at times,

that I cannot deal with because it's not mine.

I dry my tears, my sobs they quiet, my heart feels cleansed

of the hurt I have held in. I can go now, I can rest,

I just needed to give in and let it all out,

the hurt that has smothered my heart with doubt.

I will sleep now, I will rest and leave my worries to

The One Who knows best,

The One Who can heal,

The One Who can ultimately and Infinitely deal,

The One Who nothing is greater than He,

The One Who's love we all desperately need,

The One Who we run to to find solace and peace.

My heart is washed clean now, I must go, I must rest

from the anguish that gripped me, but now is subdued.

Good night heart, good night soul, rest here in the dark,

let love take you over and give you some peace,

rest in the hope of more beautiful things.


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    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 7 years ago

      Thank you ahorseback, I will remember that!!

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 7 years ago

      Singlemom, remember the next time that you go out on that porch , that there are many beside you!

    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 8 years ago

      Thank you for your comment. I am truly sorry for your pain. There are some things that we come up against in life that are painful to carry. I hope that your load lightens soon and you do see the sun, there is always hope. Thank you again. God bless.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      I've been up for hours now. It's 4:30 AM. I've been where you've been. Maybe a couple things different. But I've been outside.

      I've been in the rain with too much pain.

      I've tried to conceal what is too real.

      I've burned bridges before I got across,

      And it's all because of a heavy loss.

      I won't soon see the sun shine.

      I won't know what is really mine.

      There is nothing for which I need to atone.

      Yet I seem destined to die alone.

      I see hope in you I don't in me.

      Please be everything that I can't be!

      Thanks for this great hub. Keep writing.

    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 8 years ago

      Thank you Dim. I do have faith and I looked up that Psalm and I thank you for that, I know that Scripture and it is so true. If by 'there', you mean you have been there, I am so sorry. It's a hard place to be, but it is getting easier and my heart lighter. Thank you so much again. God bless you as well Dim.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 8 years ago from Great Britain

      That brought tears, I was 'there' with you. I'm so glad you have faith. ..Proverbs 147 verse 3.

      God bless. Sleep tight. x