Ive Got The Wedding Bell Blues
My son got married in 2009. I thought letting him go wouldn't hurt. Oh..I was wrong!
Lately, Im not sleeping well.
Im pretty sure that has something to do with the fact that my eldest son is getting married in exactly one month. Preparations have now swung into high gear and since he is in Tucson (en famille) and we are here, where the wedding is, things CAN get crazy.
It's a wedding. So the right "everything" matters and what was once going to be small and simple has now seemed to grow to large and not so simple. Did I throw in expensive? Im not sure how you can have a wedding and it not be expensive.
The music, the flowers, the decorations, the shower, the bachelor/bachelorette parties, the rehearsal dinner, the reception…the list goes on and on and on and while Im not the wedding coordinator and my daughter in law to be, Kathleen, is and has done a marvelous job of everything, I still am, nevertheless, starting to feel stress.
Aside from the female need for perfection, I am wondering if this anxiety feeling, which isn't altogether a bad feeling, has something to do with the emotional aspect of all of this. Certainly, anyone who knows me, also knows that emotions will run high from now until the day they leave to go back to Tucson when the wedding is over.
Couple that with the thought that everyone else in my family, my husband included, could be described as "saps", we are looking at a large outlay of cash just for Kleenex.
My baby isn't, after all, a baby any longer!
He stands 6 ft 4 inches tall and is also the proud father of 3 boys. He is also a hard worker, committed to excellence and someone I couldn't be prouder of.
At age 33, the time for saying goodbye SEEMED like long ago, but I am finding all of those same feelings the day he left home, and again when he moved to Tucson, are sneaking back into my heart and my head.
Maybe its the knowledge that once the wedding takes place, its official. He truly wont ever be "mine" again. Funny how mothers tend to do that. To take ownership of their children as tho we purchased them at some baby store long ago, and while I couldn't be happier with his choice of bride and while I know that he really hasn't been "mine" for a long time now, I am still finding myself struggling with letting him go, yet again.
Do mothers ever really let their children go? I am pretty sure, at least in my case, that I wont. Emotionally (and I AM all about emotions!) Scott will always be that same little, blue eyed boy, with a mop of brown hair running thru my house on his way outside to play with the guys or on his way to a baseball or soccer game. I can differentiate between the man and the boy, but my heart, somehow, still holds dear that little boy.
So as the big day draws near, I wanted to let you know, once again, my son, what you have always meant to me.
You will know, if you don't know already, the sheer joy of parenting. Also the sheer drudgery, what seems like an endless list of thankless tasks that you perform daily, will make you wonder if there is ever any end in sight. But endings come much too soon and before we know it, our children are grown and standing before us, ready to begin their own lives.
Something begins to tug at our heartstrings because we know for sure now, that time is passing and life is changing and while its a wonderful thing, the passing of each generation to the next, it also brings with it wistful reminders of times gone by and memories that have been long stored in a vault somewhere in our heads.
I will watch you as you take Kathleen for your bride. I will smile, yes, through tears, as you pledge your love and devotion to her for the rest of your lives. I will hold fast to the memories of the little boy I held in my arms who became the man you now are, and for one last time, I will let you go.