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Don't be the Overly Jealous Partner

Updated on October 5, 2017
Filip Stojkovski profile image

Passionately interested about the arts, especially drawing and painting. Professionally works as a game designer and developer.

Who is The Jealous Partner in the Relationship?

Being a jealous partner in a relationship is a common occurrence. It is not a pleasant feeling when a partner is overly emotionally needy and it can cause turbulence in your relationship. However, if you learn how to be more trusting and secure you can overcome it. Having a jealous partner can be equally frustrating. In both cases, it's important to be able to tell when the jealousy is excessive and destructive for your relationship.

How Much Jealousy Is Too Much?

Almost everyone gets jealous every now and then, but too much jealousy can be very unhealthy for your relationship and decrease your and your partner’s overall happiness. So how can you tell if there is too much jealousy in your relationship? There are clear signs that indicate unhealthy and pathological jealousy, let's discuss some of them.

1. Your Partner Wants You All Just for Him/Her

A jealous partner wants to isolate you from other people as much as they can. Jealous partners never like it when you spend time with other people, even if it is your own family. They will try to isolate you from people close to you as much as they can because they view other people as a threat. They fear that you may become closer to other people.

2. Controlling Behavior

If your partner wants to control how you dress, who you hang out with, how you spend your money, and how you behave in general it is a big sign of possessiveness and unhealthy jealousy. These types of people are actually pretty easy to spot but many people put up with this behavior for one reason or another.

3. Accusations Without Evidence

A jealous partner will always find a reason to accuse you of cheating even if there is no evidence for that. That can be very hurtful when you know you haven’t done anything to deserve those accusations.

4. Disrespecting Privacy  

Do you sometimes catch your partner checking your phone without your permission? Do they feel threatened by your social media accounts and profiles? Have they asked you to delete your social media profiles or to share them? These behaviors are a clear indicator of jealousy, distrust and control issues.

5. Constant Calling\Wanting to Know Where You Are

A partner who wants to be constantly in contact with you and calls you all the time to make sure where you are is probably an excessively jealous partner. They feel the need to check up on you and make sure you aren't somewhere spending time with people you could potentially cheat on them with.

6. Emotional and\or Physical Abuse

Jealous and possessive people are often verbally, emotionally and even physically abusive. They make you feel bad about yourself, accuse you without evidence, don’t give you enough space and autonomy.

7. You Have Caught Them Following You or Testing You

Have you ever noticed that your partner 'by coincidence' appears everywhere you go by yourself or when you hang out with your friends? Has your partner tried to test your loyalty by sending someone to flirt with you just to see how you will respond? These are unhealthy behaviors and indicate extreme jealousy.

What Causes Excessive Jealousy?

Excessive jealousy can actually be caused by many things. Most common cause is having a personal insecurity about yourself or relationships. However excessive jealousy can also be caused by having a controlling and abusive personality traits (like in many domestic abuse cases). That type of jealousy tends to be the worst because it includes abusive, controlling behavior and possibly life-threatening or damaging situations.

Is Jealousy Sometimes Justified?

Jealous behavior is never pleasant or good for the relationship but voicing your concerns over your partner's unfair behavior towards you is justified. When you have evidence that your partner is neglecting you, or\and is being disloyal to you it’s OK to confront your partner about that. However it’s important to do that in a calm and decisive manner without attacking your partner and jumping to conclusions.


How to React to Jealously?

When you notice jealously in yourself or in your partner it’s important not to react impulsively. Try to find out what it is that makes you or your partner jealous and whether it seems like a reasonable reason for jealousy. If you feel like you are accused unfairly communicate that with your partner and explain to them that you feel hurt by their jealous behavior. If your relationship is healthy you will be able to resolve the issue pretty soon. However, if you find yourself trapped in an unhealthy relationship where your jealous partner abuses and controls you and refuses to communicate the issue with you, it's important to find a way to safely end that relationship.

How to Tell If Your Partner Is Intentionally Making You Jealous?

This is quite common. Some people enjoy making their partners jealous because they love the reactions and the attention they get from their partner. Their partner’s jealous reactions 'affirm' their’s partner's love for them. Does your partner seem happy when they notice that you get jealous? If they do, it could be a sign that they intentionally try to make you jealous. You can easily deal with this by not reacting to their provocations or by confronting them about their behavior.


How to Be a Less Jealous Partner ?

To overcome jealousy you need to figure out what causes it in yourself (or in your partner). If you have personal insecurities or low self-esteem working on them can help you overcome your jealousy. If you have trust issues caused by previous relationships try to work on those issues too. There are few simple tips anyone can follow that can help you become a less jealous partner:

1. Remember That Your Partner Chose You, Not Someone Else

Remember that your partner chose you for a reason. If they wanted to be with someone else they would be. They are still with you because they love you and don't want to replace you with anyone else.

2. Learn How to Make a Difference Between a Good and a Bad Reason to Get Jealous

A good reason for jealousy always has good evidence behind it. For example, it could be a text message that clearly indicates infidelity, it could be your partner's aloof behavior towards you etc. A bad reason has little or no evidence behind it. For example, you notice that your partner is talking to a friend of the opposite sex and you immediately jump to the conclusion that there is something going on between them. By raising your standard of evidence you can avoid immediately jumping to negative conclusions.

3. Work on Your Self-Esteem

We often feel bad about ourselves and blame our partners for our own negative feelings. For example, if you feel like you are not good enough you will be afraid that other people that surround your partner are better than you and then, of course, you will get very jealous. Sometimes we are suffering from low self-esteem and that causes us to feel like everyone would make a better partner than us. It’s important to recognize those feelings in yourself and not blame your partner for them. Try to increase your self-esteem by finding positive qualities in yourself and by focusing on overcoming challenges in life.

4.Try to Be More Trusting

We often become jealous because we choose not to trust other people. Maybe we have been hurt before so we lost our trust in others. The truth is that trusting people is taking a risk, just like almost everything in life. It’s important to be able to take risks in order to be happy. You may get disappointed or pleasantly surprised by how things turn up in the end. If you choose to trust your partner and then get disappointed, the good thing is you will learn they were not right for you and seek a new relationship.

If you choose to trust your partner and realize that they truly are trustworthy, your relationship will grow and you will both be happier. You gain nothing by placing restrictions on your partner, and by showing suspicion and distrust. You only make yourself and your partner unhappy.

© 2017 Filip Stojkovski

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    • richardrhys profile image

      richardrhys 4 months ago

      Am honest,kind caring,affectionate,good sense of humor,easy going,free thinker,trustworthy and respect the lives of other people.....Im a man who lives life as it comes to me. I dont worry about tomorrow, for it will be here no matter what I do.The best days of my life are yet to come and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time relationship that can lead to marriage.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 4 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Great article about jealousy. I think the most important thing in any relationship is open and honest communication. It is important to feel secure in who you are as an individual, and as a couple. You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. Jealousy is definitely a sign of insecurity, when it starts to ruin your relationship.

      Thanks for writing.

      Namaste

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