Save your Marriage Today

Sex, money, in-laws ... the things that should build a marriage, are often the very things that destroy it.

Most of us aspire to be blissfully married to the man of our dreams. But where, in the midst of much unsolicited advice, is an operating manual for new brides?

Money and investments is a broad and subjective topic. There is no one, right way of doing things. Husband and wife should agree on how they want to manage their money, separately or jointly. Most importantly, there should be disclosure from both parties. The wife should be open with her husband over all her investments. Having a little thing on the side will only lead to acrimony. When a couple gets married, they should share objectives and harmonize their goals. Basic financial management should follow. This is the benchmark a couple should use.

Maturity is an important factor in marital success. It takes time to acquire mental, physical and emotional maturity; and these are not pegged to an individual's age. Emotional maturity means self-control, selflessness, and kindness. Spouses should consider how their behavior will affect their partner, and need to adjust their habits to accommodate new responsibilities. Face this fact before you get married and understand exactly how habits are formed. Neurons in the brain train themselves to react to a condition, and when an action is frequent enough, it becomes the norm. To change this, you have to force yourself to think differently. Reverting to bad habits is easy because it is comfortable for the brain - so avoid situations that weaken your resolve. Marriage is about balance, compromise and love. Ask yourself whether your actions really do reflect concern and respect for your spouse.

For sexual relations to be truly rewarding, the couple must have no barrier of bitterness or resentment between them. A husband should, however, take into account his wife's emotions and physical cycles. Even married people need to control their sexual drives and expression, governed by their spouse's needs and condition. For a good sex life, it is important that all the tenets of marriage - love, respect, good communication and understanding - are observed.

Smothering a person is not about love, but about selfishness. When you love someone, you want what is best for the person, even if that means the relationship looks different from what you had in mind. When you smother, you prioritize your own needs for closeness, as opposed to what the other person wants or needs. You demand constant reassurance from the other person, requiring repeated proof of their commitment. This works against the woman: she comes across as needy, thereby pushing her husband away. Smothering is a sign of insecurity and fear, which can result in controlling behavior. While love encourages autonomy and security, smothering is expressed through jealousy and anxiety. A truly caring wife is emotionally strong enough to respect her husband's space. Relationships need to breathe in order to survive and thrive. They are about trust.

Naturally, most of us love our parents. However, when you get married, your spouse becomes your closest relative. The couple is an independent unit and there will have to be an adjustment in relationships. Although you may benefit from your parents' wisdom and experience, you are the one in control of your home. Tolerance of in-laws is in order - but only up to a certain point. If possible, avoid a verbal confrontation, as it's bound to cause conflict in your marriage. However, if the interference persists, you may have to firmly but politely ask your in-laws not to meddle. A husband can play an active role in keeping the peace by being a mediator between his wife and his mother.