- Gender and Relationships
LEARN HOW TO READ THE BODY LANGUAGE: YOU WILL BE AMAZED!
“The eyes are the mirror of the soul”, they say, but no one ever said that if you learn how to read the body language, including the eyes, you might end up knowing for sure, if that person, so important for you, is lying or not.
You do not have to connect any lie detector device to someone, to know if what he,she is saying isn't the truth. For years, Law Enforcement has dedicated effort and time, to develop an advance and reliable system, sophisticated enough, to sort lies from true statements from suspects.
The principle is exactly the same: observation and knowledge of what transpires in a human body, when a lie is being said. First, we need to learn to recognize the signs.
After being a cop for 15 years, I have learned that knowing how to read the body language, becomes a second skin, in and without the interrogation room, you can use it in every aspect of your life if necessary, here are some tips:
Eyes: Here is what years of studies, in reference to how people's eyes move, when they are about to lie, have revealed. First, we need to know how the brain reads the information we receive, and how and where it searches for answers. According to experiments conducted in different universities, the brain divides the responses as follows:
-The left side of the brain is the emotional side. Whenever we remember we go to that side, therefore, when someone is asked a question about their past, the eyes go left.
-The right side is the logical side, the creative one, if we wan to put it that way. If someone is asked a specific question, about their past which requires to search in their memory (left side of the brain), and instead, the eyes turn right, it means that the answer is being “built”, in other words, it will be a lie.
But this is not that simple either, here is a brief description of what the movement of the eyes might mean, and I said “might” because reading the body language involves, the observation of all together: eyes, smile, hands, feet, etc. It is a very complicated science. Remember that, if the person is left handed, then the right side will be the emotional side, and the left side the logical.
-Taking in consideration that, if the person we are dealing with, is right or left handed, and the fact that we are looking at them positioned right in front of us, try to determine if they are looking right or left. For example, if you are dealing with a right handed person, and when you ask a question, that person looks up and to the right, that means that is using his/her logical side, and the answer will be an exaggerated one, not truthful. If this same person looks down, means he/she is in deep thought, searching for an answer, and usually the answer will be an honest one.
-Other eyes movements, combined with the right and left rule, can be useful signs too. For example, when is about dating, look for excessive blinking. Unless your date wears contact lens (sometimes they have something in their eyes bothering them), this blinking might mean flirting. The pupils change too!
Dilated pupils tell you, that the person is experiencing a pleasured moment, and that he/she is enjoying your company, or in the worst scenario, that he/she might be doing drugs!
Feet and hands: If they are continuously tapping, the person is uncomfortable and ready to go! Unless you are dealing with an ADHD patient, the continuous movement of the feet and the hands, should be considered a red flag, especially if it is the first meeting. Now, if the person is twisting hands, and they seem to be sweaty, that person is either extremely nervous, or unable to control his/her feelings.
If the person is one of those “sitting dancers” who cannot stay still, then is telling you his/her excitement is overwhelming!
To cross the feet denotes certain desire to look polite, proper. To cross the arms in the front of your chest, could be taken either as, a confidence sign, or a defensive one, like saying “do not touch me!”.
Another position to pay attention to, is the hand or hands on the hips, and the feet apart. This is a typical sign of overconfidence (I call it the Wonder Woman position), which sometimes also hides a vulnerable personality, like holding an invisible shield, when they feel weak and helpless To cross the hand behind the head while siting down, reflects a self esteem big enough, to look down to you. This is very common on people, who deal with public (especially in sales).
Facial gestures: To bite the lips is a sign of anxiety, while to tight the teeth is pure stress. To twitch the nose to one side and the other one, should tell you that something is bothering that person, and that is dealing with an issue. To lift both eyebrows in some people states surprise, while just lifting one eyebrow, is saying that something you said, was not received too well. If the person smiles, check this rule: If the smiles involves most of the muscles in the mouth, it is real!; if not, take it like a warning sign, because there is 99% possibility, that this person is covering what she/he really feels about you.
Neck and head movements: If the person tilts the head too much means sympathy, and if it this movement is accompanied by a smile is definitively a flirt. Now, if the person lows the head, that is a red flag that he/she might be hidden something. It takes some observation though, because it could be only that the person is shy.
Body movement: If the person pulls away from you, it means that is fixing to take off, and you will never see him/her again. It means rejection, and dislike. In the other hand, though, if the person gets closer to talk to you, face to face; or if “accidentally touches your feet with his/her feet, under the table, that is definitively a good sign. The person wants to get to know you better, he/she feels comfortable with you.
Here is a short test, it is fun, and you might discover, signs, you probably missed on your last “meeting”. Just answer F for false or T for true to each statement (5 total). The results are at the bottom of the page:
1-Your new date is avoiding eye contact, instead he keeps giving you a big old smile, every time you talk. He also liens forward you, to listen to what you have to say. He is definitively trying to end the date and leave!
2- You are at a job interview, your future boss is observing every single one of your reactions, at one point, you feel really uncomfortable, and you cross your arms in front of your chest. You just told him, with this movement, that you are confident in yourself.
3- Someone asks you a question, which involves compromising yourself for something wrong you did in the past. You need a quick answer, and it's going to be a lie to save your good name. You look up and right to build a lie.
4- You are having a conversation with your teenage son, his feet cannot stay still while you talk to him. Then he looks down and right. He's telling you the truth about what happen the night before.
5- Your hubby left for the weekend “to work out of town”, but when you ask him how it was, he bites his lip, and his eyes look up and left. He was really working!
Answers: 1-FALSE: The fact that he doesn't maintain eye contact, not necessary means he does' not like you. He might be just shy. Au contraire! (that is French by the way) Read the other signs too: He is giving you a full smile! And he is trying to get closer to you, while you two are talking. There is absolute potential for a relationship there.
2-TRUE: However, this body movement also could mean, that you feel defensive, and that might not be very good for a job interview.
3-TRUE: You are using your logical side of the brain, where you “build” a lie.
4-TRUE: Your son is ready to get off the hook, and his feet are just translating his thoughts. He is uncomfortable there, however he is in deep though, and generally looking (either right or left) and down, means, that he is in deep thought, and probably what it would come out of his mouth, will be the truth...if he is smart enough, of course!
5- TRUE: The biting of the lip reflects nervousness, meaning maybe something transpired in that trip, something that he doesn't want you to know. But think about it before you jump on his throat! It doesn't have to be adultery, it could be something else. Look at the brighter side: The fact that he looked up and left means, that he was really where he said he was going to be.
Here is a useful and simple guide to remember how the eyes move and why. Remember, you are looking at the person face to face, just like looking at yourself in a mirror. You right is his left and your left is his right.
Eyes looking right: Imagined
Eyes looking left: Remembered
Eyes looking down: Feeling and Internal dialogue.