- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Women are Utterly Complete in Their Personas- The VERY Idea That Women NEED Men To Complete Them Is So Atavistic!
YOU Must Have A Man, Dear, YOU Need Companionship
I am #$%@! Fine By Myself, THANK You
Women have been inculcated that it is not good to be alone. They are further told that if they have no man, they will be old, embittered, and alone. If they are happy with their life situations, they are told that they are subconsciously unhappy and refuse to accept the "truth" of their situation.
Many relationshipless women can recount countless and innumerable times in their lives have well-meaning parents, relatives, friends, and associates portend that they would be much happier if they had men in their lives. When they inform their parents, relatives, friends, and associates otherwise, the latter often do not wish to listen to them. They are told that they are insufficient and incomplete because they are not in a relationship, either noncommittal or committal.
There is a subliminal message that conveys that in order for women to be happy, they must have a man to supplement and complete their lives. Further messages mandate that a true woman has a man and/or is in a relationship in one way or another. A woman who elects not to be in a relationship either at the time or ever is view as quite odd to say the least. Many people contend that such women are indeed an oddity!
Yes, there are women who are quite content without relationships and on their own. They have hobbies and other pasttimes to emotionally and psychologically fulfill them. Many relationshipless women participate in church, community projects, and/or related activities. In addition to their fulfilling personal lives, their professional lives are also quite enriching. These women do not have a supposed emotional void because they do not have men in their lives. In fact, their lives are quite intense, fulfilling, and complete in and of itself.
The premise that women need men to make them complete is totally atavistic. The postmodern woman has the educational, intellectual, and socioeconomic means to support herself. With this independence, she is the master of her own domain. She can wine and dine herself. She can purchase an expensive item herself. She also has the freedom to do whatever she pleases without answering to anyone. This woman owns her life.
Of course, there are people who are quite uncomfortable and threatened by the prospect that there are some women who do not want to be in relationships, either temporarily and/or permanently. These people are of the opinion that a woman is solely defined by her relationships. They further purport that it is the desire of every woman to be in a relationship as women are the nurturing gender.
There are women who are not nurturers by nature. They could care less as to whether or not, they are in relationships. These women often have a high sense of individualization. They can navigate their life quite effectively on their own, thank you very much. They are not into the societal premise that the primary function of a woman is be in a relationship.
To these women, men are just appetizers and/or desserts. They contend that if there is a man in their lives, that's fine and if there is no man in their lives, that is equally fine. They have things to do. To these women, men are not the main course so to speak.
In fact, these women portend that so many of their counterparts are too obsessed with being in a relationship. They view how their family, relatives, and friends put themselves last while the men were placed first. They are further witnesses to how these same women are totally emotionally and psychological dependent on their men and when the men left them for one reason or another, they become quite emotionally and psychologically devastated. They know of women not in relationships but were maniacally seeking to be in one at often, even if it is with a less than desirable men at often a high consequence to pay.
Many relationshipless women observe women in less than positive relationships who endured verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from their partners because a relationship was that important to them. The unwritten and unspoken mandate that any man is better than no man does not suffice at all with women who do not wish to be in relationships. These women clearly will not sell their souls to be in relationships, they have too much respect for themselves.
Such women also find the neediness that many women exhibit in their relationships to be quite melodramatic in its absurdity. In their estimation, it is totally inane that intelligent, thinking women would revert to being Stepford women in order to inflate their partner's ego and to appear more desirable to them. They are of the school that they do what makes them feel good regardless or not men's egos are comfortable with their actions. They are true to themselves and are not into playing the inane and fatuous games that are often de rigueur in relationships.
Many women are in relationships in order to have the approval of their friends. If their friends are in relationships, they want to be in relationships also. They feel an innate exhilaration being part of a group. If they do not have relationships, they would feel excluded and/or ostracized by their particular circle of friends.
Many relationshipless women have endured ostracization and ridicule from their family and friends. The latter believe that something is truly amiss with the former. Women who express disinterest in relationships are often viewed quite humorlessly by society. They are also viewed to be abnormal and needs "fixing."
Many women who do not have relationships have family and friends "arrange" dates for them. Family and friends mistakenly contend that their relationshipless relative and/or friend is evidently lonely and what she needs is a man to fill her days period, no ifs , ands and/or buts. I remember one mother of a daughter who routinely took her to Las Vegas with the purpose of fixing her up available men. The mother even told the daughter to flirt with a lounge singer who was flirting with her. The daughter did not want a relationship at that point. She was quite satisfied with her life as is. The main apprehension of such family members and friends is that their relationshipless other will grow old without a companion! They further contend that no relationshipless woman is ever happy!
There are many elderly women without companions who have fulfilling lives. They have no regrets not being in relationships. I had a great aunt who never married and/or did not date much. Her main interests were church, charity, and being an aunt and great aunt to a slew of nieces and nephews. In addition to those varied interests, she also had a thriving career at a time when women were relegated to more traditional jobs and/or careers. She lived and did whatever she wanted. She rejoiced in her freedom and independence, not having to answer to anyone and/or not sublimating her desires and wants for the sake of the relationship at hand.
In summation, women are pressured to be in relationships. Women are indoctrinated in this beginning in childhood. The premise is that it is normal and desirable for women to be in relationship as they are the nurturing gender. Conversely, any woman who is not in a relationship is considered to be quite abnormal. She is told that if she is not in a relationship, she was a spinster who would grow old alone and embittered as if the only source of happiness is a relationship. Many people are quite threatened by relationshipless women as they are not the typical representations of women.
Many relationshipless women are quite happy with their lives as they have career, church, charitable, and other interests to occupy their time. Relationships are clearly not the be and end all to women's lives. A woman without a man is analogous to a fish without a bicycle. In other words, men are clearly not necessary to a woman's happiness, they are fine and are just desserts.
© 2012 Grace Marguerite Williams