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Ladies, Wondering Where All The Good Guys Are?

Updated on January 18, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Finding a great guy seems more and more impossible these days...

You meet a guy and go out on a date (or two)—thinking that everything went really great. Surprise, surprise (and not a good one for you)....he doesn't call or ask you out again. You can rack your brain for days or weeks and still never understand what happened, what you said, or why he decided you weren't the right fit. Seriously?

Or...

You meet a guy, who you end up dating for a while, you make it official—he's your boyfriend—Yay! And then out of nowhere his life becomes busier and busier until you don't fit into his schedule anymore. Great.

Or...

You are in an exclusive relationship with a guy and everything is moving in the right direction (or so you thought) until you find out that monogamy is not his forte. Yikes!

Or...

You have a boyfriend for several years and he never takes the relationship to the next level—engagement/marriage. When you do break-up he gets married—to someone else—less than a year later. Ugh!

Whatever your scenario is, it can make you become jaded in the belief that there aren't any good men—let alone great men—left to date or marry. Have they all really been taken?

The truth is that there are plenty of great men left...you just need to open your eyes. Many times the great guys gets unnoticed because they are someone you consider a "friend," a guy who is in your circle of friends that you consider like a "brother" or maybe he's an acquaintance or a friend of a friends that you met a few times. The question therefore isn't necessarily, "where are all the great guys?" instead it's usually, "do you really want a great guy?"

We can hang out with our girlfriends (who are in happy relationships) and see how their significant others treat them—fabulously—and then wish that we had a guy like that. The reality is, most of us have had a guy like that before in our lives but we chose not to keep him. We weren't emotionally ready.

Ladies, your friends aren't more lovable or more deserving then you—they just knew the secret—a great guy doesn't come around often and if you don't snag him, someone else will. Great men tend to be the guys that might not necessarily stand out in a crowd or be the "GQ" looking guy you are hoping for. Instead, he's usually the guy that is normal looking (whatever normal is to you) but becomes sexier by the caring, respectful and nice ways he treats you.

Most great men are attached with the word "nice"...which for many women sounds unappealing since "nice" guys are usually boring. Not necessarily true. This is where you need to shift your beliefs slightly.

Often as women when there is no major drama with a guy we think he is boring. So, when we find a great guy, we don't necessarily want or furthermore appreciate him. It's actually amusing, we claim we are so sick of men who treat us crappy, who play games, cheat, disrespect and lie to us, however those are the first type of men that end up catching our attention—and keeping it for a while. We have this warped perception that if a guy shows us too much attention and/or doesn't play emotional games with us than he is annoying or desperate. But, if he blows us off—he's intriguing. I get it, I used to be that girl. Honestly, after dating many of these types of men the games get frustrating and very exhausting.

Here’s the thing, if you choose (and decide) to stay (because it is your decision) in a relationship with a man who has a lot of drama and treats you poorly, versus a man who is honest, trustworthy and loyal then what does that say about you? When major Red Flags are there and you still choose to continue to set sail on this sinking ship—there are self-/esteem issues at bay.

Why is it more desirable to be with a guy who is too immature to tell you what he wants, what you did wrong, why he stopped contacting you, or who doesn't want to put in the effort or work to make the relationship last? Before you decide if you really want a great guy look at the men you have been attracting and be honest with yourself, "do you believe that you truly deserve a great guy?" If the answer is yes—stop dating men who are the complete opposite. And Btw...Every guy can seem nice in the beginning, however, a nice guy (and I don’t mean a pushover) will stay that way throughout.

Having a great man means you finally believe that you deserve a guy who will treat you respectfully, support and love you unconditionally. It also means that you are finally done with all the game playing and drama filled relationships and you want a lifetime partner. Most importantly it means that you love yourself enough (100% love yourself) that being with a guy for superficial reasons alone—his looks, status, materialistic things—is not the weighing factor—finding lasting meaningful love—and a guy who values you—is way more important.

Before you can find a great guy you need to self-evaluate first. The only person who is standing between you and finding a great guy is You. Can you get out of the way?

Ladies, if you are wondering where the great guys are—Stop—they are closer than you think. Although great men are not as easy to come across as cheaters and liars, they do exist as long as you are open—really open—to finding one. Put your insecurities, doubts and superficial lists aside. With a great man, there comes great love—you just have to ask yourself if You are really ready and can appreciate him when he comes into your life!


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 22 months ago

      Michaela you make a good point about the "bad boy" being glorified in the media as something women should find attractive.

      As for the "nice guy" or the one your parents would approve of has always been a bone of contention. Young people have always want to rebel against their parents wishes. However if girl is looking for a "bad boy" with "nice guy" traits she is going to have a rough time.

      Also if we buy into the theory that it is the media that makes the "bad boy" seem attractive to women then it must also be true that their "feelings" for him may not truly be (their) feelings but rather giving in to the media response.

      Life is an evolutionary experience and it takes time for most of us to figure out what it is (we) really want as opposed to what the media, parents, and others have told us what we "should want".

      For most of us during our youth it's 90% physical attraction that matters.

      However one's priorities have a way of changing over time.

      What one found attractive or unattractive at one phase of their life can become the reverse at a different phase. Ultimately it's how we (feel) when we are with someone that determines if we want to spend more time with them or not. Lastly when someone is "very unhappy" with the way things have been going they are more open to trying something different such as moving from "bad boy" to "nice guy".

    • Michaela Osiecki profile image

      Michaela 22 months ago from USA

      I want to take a moment to point out that a majority of media aimed at women glorify this supposed "bad boy" dynamic. In how many romantic comedies/drama does the male love interest blow the woman off or treat her badly only to come around near the end and claim she's the one for him? When this is SO prolific in movies, music, magazines, etc we start to normalize that idea as being what romance SHOULD be - that it should be dramatic and emotionally overwhelming.

      Let's also discuss the notion of the "nice" guy - are we supposed to fall for him simply because he's nice and he's always been there? Are we supposed to ignore our own feelings and what we're attracted to in order to validate the "nice" guy's entitlement? I don't think so....it doesn't matter how nice a dude is, if we're not attracted to him we're not attracted to him. It's pretty simple.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 22 months ago

      "The reality is, most of us have had a guy like that before in our lives but we chose not to keep him. We weren't emotionally ready." - Very true!

      Just about everyone can think of someone who would be perfect for them (today) but wasn't what they wanted "yesterday" as in the past.

      Most relationships end for two reasons.

      1. Timing (A relationship/marriage wasn't a top priority)

      2. He/she was not "the one". (Different values, desires, expectations)

      "We have this warped perception that if a guy shows us too much attention and/or doesn't play emotional games with us than he is annoying or desperate. But, if he blows us off—he's intriguing."

      This is very true especially of women in their youth. A guy who has plenty of "swagger", confidence, and shows little interest them is more of a "challenge" than I guy who ask for permission to give a woman a good-night kiss. In many respects it takes courage for someone to admit that what they (say) they want is not what turns them on.

      Several years ago author Lori Gottlieb wrote a book titled:

      "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough"

      The book was controversial because it advocated letting go of the idea of a husband having to be a GQ model, a "dashing prince", "night in shinning armor", or even the "captain of the football team"....etc

      Good men are hiding in front of you!

      There are "good men" all around if you’re willing to open your eyes.

      They’re not all over six feet tall, athletic build, with a head full of hair, possessing a dazzling smile, with dynamic personalities earning over $100k…etc.

      There’s the grocery store manager, the UPS driver, the mailman, the shoe salesman, the bus driver, train engineer, teacher, minister, computer programmer, taxi driver, butcher, and countless other men you pass by daily without giving a second glance who may have all of the "important qualities" required to have a happy relationship.

      When we change our circumstances change.