Lesbian Identity Crisis
Roles What They Mean
That statement leads you to believe that no longer are gay women into roles playing. They no longer want to pretend for the heterosexual or gay world. Gay women use to have to declare a role for relationship purposes. The declaration you made was determined by manner, style and dress. The aggressive woman would wear mens attire and carry herself in a macho way, and the feminine woman would dress very girly and act somewhat submissive.There was no trying to figure out if this person was going to fit into your life. You could tell it was obvious what role she played. When you went out the butch paid it was no equal or negotiation on a date. There are some that will say that having those designated roles was a replication of a heterosexual couple and maybe it was.Gay couples used hetrosexual couples as an example of what life could be like. They were in essence saying we are no dirrerent from the maried couple next door. The married couple next door has nothing on us. We are just as good as them. These were heart felt feeling because gays weren't looked at in a favorable light.
Old School Relationship
Years ago being gay was like being in a secret society. There was no openness to a relationship. You and your partner had to pretend that you had a platonic friendship. A friendship were there was no touching or longing glances. You had to watch how often you were seen together because to many times would have tongues wagging. If your family found out you would be ostracized and never talked about again. When someone said your name it was whispered to make sure no one heard. You were left feeling alone. Rarely would there be anyone in your family to see you through the turbulent times.
Gay women made up there own families that usually consisted of a butch, fem and younger gays that were considered the children. They carried on their day to day life just as a heterosexual couple would. This was done so gay families units could feel that there was normalcy in what they were doing. This confirmed to them that this was ok. They contributed to a world that looked down on them with no recognition of who they were or what they were trying to accomplish. The gay community is were they turned to maneuver the distain they felt from the heterosexual world.
The Closet Has Opened
These days you can't tell who is who. I mean you see two women walking down the street you don't know if they are lesbian or straight. There is know designation of who they are or what role they play. There is no more secret society to which you belong. You now have two women that look like two women with no desire to take on the butch role. The need to broadcast who they are is no longer needed. When you go out on dates it's understood that who pays has nothing to do with roles but it's now the nice thing to do. When you meet someone and you wonder is she a fit? Its more about an emotional and physical attraction but that attraction as nothing to do with roles.
I'm not saying years ago is better but it was easier for the purpose of dating. I wonder is there an identity crisis because women today are very quick to say "I'm just being me" as if someone is going to find something wrong with them. What I mean is the physical appreance has changed in what people see today. There are not as many hard core females, but the mentality with older gays still seems the same. Aggressive women still want to be macho in the gay world but less aggressive in the heterosexual world. I sometimes wonder are they not comfortable in there new skin. It probably is hard for them to tame that aggression that they for so long put out into the world. I think it's a lot easier for feminine women because they didn't have to make as many changes as there aggressive partners did. Older gays are stepping out in a world that is changing and they are trying to change with it. Dating now has a whole new dynamic called personality that has taken the place of aggressiveness. There is no hit you in the face with toughness or attire but now you have to look deeper in the beginning.