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Lesbian Identity Crisis

Updated on February 18, 2015

Roles What They Mean

That statement leads you to believe that no longer are gay women into roles playing. They no longer want to pretend for the heterosexual or gay world. Gay women use to have to declare a role for relationship purposes. The declaration you made was determined by manner, style and dress. The aggressive woman would wear mens attire and carry herself in a macho way, and the feminine woman would dress very girly and act somewhat submissive.There was no trying to figure out if this person was going to fit into your life. You could tell it was obvious what role she played. When you went out the butch paid it was no equal or negotiation on a date. There are some that will say that having those designated roles was a replication of a heterosexual couple and maybe it was.Gay couples used hetrosexual couples as an example of what life could be like. They were in essence saying we are no dirrerent from the maried couple next door. The married couple next door has nothing on us. We are just as good as them. These were heart felt feeling because gays weren't looked at in a favorable light.

Old School Relationship

Years ago being gay was like being in a secret society. There was no openness to a relationship. You and your partner had to pretend that you had a platonic friendship. A friendship were there was no touching or longing glances. You had to watch how often you were seen together because to many times would have tongues wagging. If your family found out you would be ostracized and never talked about again. When someone said your name it was whispered to make sure no one heard. You were left feeling alone. Rarely would there be anyone in your family to see you through the turbulent times.

Gay women made up there own families that usually consisted of a butch, fem and younger gays that were considered the children. They carried on their day to day life just as a heterosexual couple would. This was done so gay families units could feel that there was normalcy in what they were doing. This confirmed to them that this was ok. They contributed to a world that looked down on them with no recognition of who they were or what they were trying to accomplish. The gay community is were they turned to maneuver the distain they felt from the heterosexual world.

The Closet Has Opened

These days you can't tell who is who. I mean you see two women walking down the street you don't know if they are lesbian or straight. There is know designation of who they are or what role they play. There is no more secret society to which you belong. You now have two women that look like two women with no desire to take on the butch role. The need to broadcast who they are is no longer needed. When you go out on dates it's understood that who pays has nothing to do with roles but it's now the nice thing to do. When you meet someone and you wonder is she a fit? Its more about an emotional and physical attraction but that attraction as nothing to do with roles.


Still Confused.

I'm not saying years ago is better but it was easier for the purpose of dating. I wonder is there an identity crisis because women today are very quick to say "I'm just being me" as if someone is going to find something wrong with them. What I mean is the physical appreance has changed in what people see today. There are not as many hard core females, but the mentality with older gays still seems the same. Aggressive women still want to be macho in the gay world but less aggressive in the heterosexual world. I sometimes wonder are they not comfortable in there new skin. It probably is hard for them to tame that aggression that they for so long put out into the world. I think it's a lot easier for feminine women because they didn't have to make as many changes as there aggressive partners did. Older gays are stepping out in a world that is changing and they are trying to change with it. Dating now has a whole new dynamic called personality that has taken the place of aggressiveness. There is no hit you in the face with toughness or attire but now you have to look deeper in the beginning.

Are Lesbian's More Comfortable Today

Do you think lesbian's are more comfortable in their skin today

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    • Skyy4344 profile image
      Author

      Anita Powell 3 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      Thank you

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Amen.....Perfectly said.

    • Skyy4344 profile image
      Author

      Anita Powell 3 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      Wow that's sone story but what I'm impressed with us you knew who you were. I do think the older we get the less we care about other people's opinion. I'm so happy I've got to that point because the reality is you're living for other people and don't even realize it

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Hi there Sky.....I enjoyed reading your hub. Since we're disclosing, I am a straight female, boomer generation, retired and currently living a happy, independent life. I have 4 adult sons, all married with children (12 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild! YIKES!! I have babies galore)

      Your article seems a good time for me to share something I believe fits into exactly what you have presented.

      The majority of my life I have kept my hair really short (because quite simply, it's what I like & looks best on me)....Add to this that growing up I was athletic (at a time when girl's were "cheerleaders" NOT team members) I was also a Daddy's girl, who went fishing with my Dad and was his "helper" when he did odd jobs around the house. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. My mother did as much as she could to make me "girlie-like".....but until about age 16, I rejected lace and heels and make-up, etc. What a PAIN, I thought.

      Well, I haven't really changed all that much, except that I've always known who I am.

      Let me just say that I have spent decades being "hit-on" by far more women than men.!! None of my friends want to understand why this does not bother nor offend me in the least. I usually tell them to" get over yourself.".....LOL. IMO, role playing is silly & senseless...regardless of one's sexual orientation. Bottom line: I could have avoided it all by dressing differently, carrying myself more gracefully, exposing cleavage.....yadda yadda.... but then I WOULDN'T BE ME, now would I?

      Great read, Sky!! UP+++

    • Skyy4344 profile image
      Author

      Anita Powell 3 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      Curious how is the life where you are at

    • Skyy4344 profile image
      Author

      Anita Powell 3 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      I think we are heading in a better direction but I don't think we should get to comfortable now that we are moving away from some of the stereotypes

    • jlpark profile image

      Jacqui 3 years ago from New Zealand

      Thanks for this hub, Anita.

      I guess it has gotten so that there isn't a clear "butch" or "femme" lesbian - myself being one who is more...a mix of both....not the most femme (even when pregnant!) nor buth - anymore, so it's not obvious. Maybe my 'gaydar' isn't broken after all!

      I agree with the comment that maybe those who are butch or more 'aggressive' (though I wouldn't use 'aggresive"...but can't think of another term!) are not as comfortable at present, due to the changes that have taken place over the last few years.

      I just hope that we leave the world a better, safer, more accepting place for our children. I hope that if my daughter is gay, bi or trans, that she is accepted by her peers from the beginning, and we will raise her to accept differences as positives as well as stick up for herself (with her two mums she might get some stick!)

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