ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Lesbian Identity Crisis

Updated on February 18, 2015

Roles What They Mean

That statement leads you to believe that no longer are gay women into roles playing. They no longer want to pretend for the heterosexual or gay world. Gay women use to have to declare a role for relationship purposes. The declaration you made was determined by manner, style and dress. The aggressive woman would wear mens attire and carry herself in a macho way, and the feminine woman would dress very girly and act somewhat submissive.There was no trying to figure out if this person was going to fit into your life. You could tell it was obvious what role she played. When you went out the butch paid it was no equal or negotiation on a date. There are some that will say that having those designated roles was a replication of a heterosexual couple and maybe it was.Gay couples used hetrosexual couples as an example of what life could be like. They were in essence saying we are no dirrerent from the maried couple next door. The married couple next door has nothing on us. We are just as good as them. These were heart felt feeling because gays weren't looked at in a favorable light.

Old School Relationship

Years ago being gay was like being in a secret society. There was no openness to a relationship. You and your partner had to pretend that you had a platonic friendship. A friendship were there was no touching or longing glances. You had to watch how often you were seen together because to many times would have tongues wagging. If your family found out you would be ostracized and never talked about again. When someone said your name it was whispered to make sure no one heard. You were left feeling alone. Rarely would there be anyone in your family to see you through the turbulent times.

Gay women made up there own families that usually consisted of a butch, fem and younger gays that were considered the children. They carried on their day to day life just as a heterosexual couple would. This was done so gay families units could feel that there was normalcy in what they were doing. This confirmed to them that this was ok. They contributed to a world that looked down on them with no recognition of who they were or what they were trying to accomplish. The gay community is were they turned to maneuver the distain they felt from the heterosexual world.

The Closet Has Opened

These days you can't tell who is who. I mean you see two women walking down the street you don't know if they are lesbian or straight. There is know designation of who they are or what role they play. There is no more secret society to which you belong. You now have two women that look like two women with no desire to take on the butch role. The need to broadcast who they are is no longer needed. When you go out on dates it's understood that who pays has nothing to do with roles but it's now the nice thing to do. When you meet someone and you wonder is she a fit? Its more about an emotional and physical attraction but that attraction as nothing to do with roles.

Still Confused.

I'm not saying years ago is better but it was easier for the purpose of dating. I wonder is there an identity crisis because women today are very quick to say "I'm just being me" as if someone is going to find something wrong with them. What I mean is the physical appreance has changed in what people see today. There are not as many hard core females, but the mentality with older gays still seems the same. Aggressive women still want to be macho in the gay world but less aggressive in the heterosexual world. I sometimes wonder are they not comfortable in there new skin. It probably is hard for them to tame that aggression that they for so long put out into the world. I think it's a lot easier for feminine women because they didn't have to make as many changes as there aggressive partners did. Older gays are stepping out in a world that is changing and they are trying to change with it. Dating now has a whole new dynamic called personality that has taken the place of aggressiveness. There is no hit you in the face with toughness or attire but now you have to look deeper in the beginning.

Are Lesbian's More Comfortable Today

Do you think lesbian's are more comfortable in their skin today

See results

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)