ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Letter To My Ex-Husband's "Girlfriend"

Updated on May 20, 2018

What needs to be said.

I need to say this to you so I can go on with my life and fully heal.

I was his wife. Before you think that I’m the wicked ex wife who was a bitch to my husband, you need to think again. I’m a real person, with real feelings. I was the woman who was married to him and lived with him, despite the fact that he took off his wedding ring claiming it was a “sin” to wear gold, threw out the TV set, demeaned me with negative statements, and showed little joy with me in my accomplishments. I heard “.that’s not appropriate” many times.


My depth of pain

You will never know the depth of pain that he caused me. Despite what he told you, he gave me no choice but to get out of his house and go to my Dad’s. He acted cold and indifferent by his hateful attitude and hostility toward me. I tried with everything in me to make him happy without losing my identity.

I was good to him during our marriage, treated him with kindness, and tried to give him my affection, despite the wall he placed around himself. He was very much in love with me at one time, until he chose to allow anger and resentment to destroy his love for me. I loved him unconditionally, but his love for me was conditional only if I lived up to his expectations. I doubt he has changed.

The truth is that he would not communicate with me because he was withdrawn into himself, shut me out, and kept me at arm’s length.

I was still in the picture

We were in contact with each other, regularly, during the separation. I called him when my father went into Hospice care. I called to ask for his support, a prayer, a thought, or a reassurance. I was still his wife despite the separation. I was facing intense grief and sadness. His father in law (my Dad) was going downhill. He couldn’t give me anything but words with no depth; he sounded ‘preoccupied’ and now know why. I was hoping for a chance to reconcile with him. But you were already in the picture.

Remember this: he still had a wife who needed him and asked for his support. He never once called to check on me after that phone call or any other time during the separation. Instead of helping his wife, he chose to focus his attention on a woman he felt needed his help more. There is a huge ‘sensitivity chip’ missing in him.

>

He wanted to "help" and rescue somebody else....

By his own admission, he said his motive with you was to “help you”….for whatever upset you had at the time. I’ve been deeply hurt that he chose to ‘help’ you, instead of me, during the stretch of time my father’s health declined.

So how do you think I felt? I could hate forever, but I’m a caring, loving, compassionate woman who fell in love with the boy who had a crush on me in grade-school. I resent the hell out of the fact he tried to replace me, with you, while he was still married to me.

He claims to be in love with you. I resent it, but accept it. You are wise to be cautious. I’m not here to sabotage anything; this is for me and freeing myself from the torment I’ve had for years. He had a spiritual obligation to me. HE WANTED a divorce, not me. He chose to turn his back….refused counsel with his or my pastor, refused counseling altogether. After years of grasping for crumbs of attention and acknowledgement, I was emotionally drained and empty from a lack of compassion from the man I committed my life to.

My feelings were numb and held back

You may wonder why I act like I care now…. Because I couldn’t feel ANYTHING for 2 ½ years while I lived out of suitcase at my Dad’s, pushing my feelings for my husband under the rug, working a job I hated, tending to the care of an aging parent, and taking my emotions at face value; while HE adjusted to life without me. I did not feel anything until the day the divorce was final

I tried to reach a settlement to get some kind of compensation for what I had invested in the marriage. He stated: “you abandoned me”. That is bull shit. He abandoned me years ago. Do not believe that I walked out because I wanted to. Of course, there is no way to get back what I lost emotionally because, in the end, I gave him exactly what he wanted. He sacrificed nothing to marry me; I gave up everything and walked away with NOTHING.

I'm left with nothing.

I have a great emptiness inside. I invested my emotions, heart, hard-earned money, and life into our home. I walked away with a hole in my heart and material items I brought into the marriage, which was not much, since I sold everything I owned to begin a life with him.

I gave him what he wanted: to get out of his life. I wish no other woman to suffer the humiliation I’ve had. This is not retaliation, this is truth and healing. The depth of my pain can never be measured."

And now: The difficulty lies in facing the fact that the "illusion" I had was, in fact, not real. Finding out that the bubble is bursting is shocking and radiates abandonment and rejection in the worst way. However, I have moved on and done everything to heal properly. It has been hard to accept; it has taken a long, long time to finally 'receive it'......4 years. The human inside doesn't have a switch, unfortunately, that can be turned on and off to 'feel' or 'not feel'.

What About You?

Have you been betrayed by the man you pledged your life to?

See results
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)