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Opening Up To A New Friend

Updated on July 14, 2013

Introduction

I've been thinking some time about building more friendships, more specifically, another close relationship. It seems like over time, your friends change and become different people. This hub is about this as well as opening up your heart and warmth to a new person, with prospects of developing a close relationship. It's based off some thoughts of late. Would love some feedback as well. Enjoy my ramblings.

What Do You Mean?

Let Someone Else In. What I mean by this is letting another person into your most intimate thoughts. Some people have had one friend for so long it seems like the connection isn't as powerful or natural as it once was. Lately, I've felt lonesome. It's because I have ceased the building of strong relationships. My best friend will always be my best friend, but I also can't ask him to be the sole recipient of my emotional needs. It's just not fair to him or me. There's a perk though. He knows exactly what to say to calm me down at help me. It sounds good yes.

What's my problem? I wish I knew. I kind of feel uneasy that I have just one great friend that I confide in. It makes me feel that somewhere along the line, I stopped taking applications for new best friends. I stopped developing the close relationships I've always cherished. Letting someone else in is important to me, because I've been so closed when I used to be so open. What happened to me? Why did I stop letting those in who genuinely cared about my well-being. I was never this way before.

Source

What About Your Mate/Lover?

I don't have one. Yes, a loved one such as a mate or lover can provide me with this particular need, however it's rare. It's rare meaning I have not had anyone like that in years. And when I did confide in them, I felt whiny and needy. I felt like I had no business burdening them with my emotions. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever wanted to confide in someone but you felt the need to refrain from it, to hide your need to vent or let out something internal? As I grow older I begin to realize I won't have any more opportunities to develop intimate relationships with the same sex.

Girls are very in tune with emotions, but sometimes they just don't understand. They can't wrap their mind around the insecurities, worries, and fears of the male pysche. It's unfair to talk to your best girl-friend and try to explain how you feel. Normally she's a little confused. Just today, I couldn't get my thoughts across to the girls. They didn't understand. Male bonding is essential to our survival. It's important more so than anyone realizes. The girls may compare it to girl bonding to get a fraction of the idea. It's just, idk... important.

What Are You Going To Do?

I have a friendship on the horizon, I think. It seems silly for me to be nervous and shaky when thinking about it. This guy is truly interested in becoming my friend and really wants to spend time with me. That makes me nervous inside. Another guy wants to hang with me? I'm different than most I think. When the guys do stuff, they don't think of me. I don't get invited, so I definitely feel a bit insecure by this. Do I act strangely? Is there something I'm doing wrong? The fact that that there is another male who genuinely enjoys my company means lot to me. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but I guess it's acceptance. I guess I feel that I fit in better. I know, I might be too old for this emotion, but sometimes I don't feel like I fit in. I kinda sit on the sidelines.

Growing up I was pretty unpopular and developed some friendships that had varying meaning. I'm still in the same boat really. I have the guy friends who are all friends of my best friend. They're cool, but I don't know them. Somehow I failed to get my own friends outside of my best friend's circle. I have not one friend from work, so it's like... man. If I'm not invited or included I'm sitting at home. Honestly I think I'm shy and I don't interact well at times. So this new friend (who happens to be co-worker), who wants to invest in me will get a good return on that investment! I'm always free lol. I'm hoping that I become good friends with him, but I'm still afraid.

How Open Are You With Your Emotions?

See results

Why Are You So Afraid?

I've grown guarded over the years. I've confided in my best friend, but it's just not the same. I feel very insecure and whiny (sound familiar?). I want to have a new friend for that, especially one that doesn't make me feel bad, sad, or angry when I'm expressing myself. I kinda want a Nonpartisan Recipient of Emotions, a NRE. I want someone who's going to listen and understand and not try to advise me. Sometimes I get upset because men like to "fix" the problem, versus really understanding or listening. I think this new friend will be that way. And hopefully I don't feel "insecure and whiny" when expressing my feelings. Like everyone else, I need to be able to express how I feel to someone who will actively listen and respond according only to my wishes. It's all so complicated. I hope you get my drift.

I'm afraid to reveal some things about myself. I don't know why, I just am. I guess over the years I've begun to expect less of people. Perhaps things will become different now? Perhaps there won't be a "should I tell him" moment. I'll already have a sense of trust. I'm a trusting person by nature and sometimes it's taken advantage of, and sometimes it's not. I'm a risk taker, so I'll definitely take it.

Letting Someone Else In...

It means trusting a new person and being invested in their emotions as well. Usually when you have a new friend it's a mutual connection, a mutual exchanging of intimacy. When I mean intimacy I mean a deep closeness between friends. We've all had it once in a while and we all understand that it's a wonderful thing when things work out.

Comments

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    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      So glad to get your best, Mary. Yeah this was something that had been on my mind for some time and I decided to use HubPages as a way to express that. I'm really excited that so many people have come out to support me and read my inner most thoughts. I'm very appreciative! :)

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 

      6 years ago from Florida

      Good friends are SO hard to find. I understand exactly what you are saying here. You hesitate to let someone "in" your life because sometimes they will betray you.

      My best, Mary

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thanks a lot Ava. I appreciate your support and comment. It's good to know that others can relate to what's going on in my mind.

    • profile image

      onlooker 

      6 years ago

      Aubrey, we are all filled with questions aren't we, we're humans. I am sure everyone can relate to this hub at one point or another. I respect you for your openness. While the mind is full of questions we still go on and drag these feelings along, helpless really. Thank you and be strong Aubrey. Love, Ava.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thanks so much Kelley! I appreciate your visit and support. :)

    • profile image

      kelleyward 

      6 years ago

      Thanks for writing this hub. As a mom of 3 boys I need to hear more about how boys develop friendships and the insecurities they tend to have. Thanks for sharing your emotions about this important subject. Voted up! Take care, Kelley

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thanks Olde, I really appreciate the read and vote up! :)

    • profile image

      Olde Cashmere 

      6 years ago

      I've always been the kind of person who keeps a small circle of close friends, rarely do I let others in beyond an acquaintance type level. For a while I became better with it then fell back into my old ways. Thank you for sharing your story Aubrey, this was a helpful and interesting read. Voted up, shared, interesting, useful, and awesome.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Awww! Thanks Christy! I really appreciate the support and warm words. I am hoping the same thing, really. It's something awesome about being able to be vulnerable. It's like sometimes I grow tired of being so rigid and stoic. Bring on the emotion! :)

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 

      6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I have become more open about sharing my emotions as it helps me form relationships with other people in an easier way. Sharing emotions does get easier over time too when you start to be open. I hope your new friendship turns into a strong one for you.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thanks so much for the comment and visit! :) I appreciate it.

    • Mommiegee profile image

      Mommiegee 

      6 years ago from Alabama

      Love this hub! It's something so many people (including myself) can relate to. I used to be an extrovert (happy-go-lucky, always had a smile, s little gullible, optimistic, etc.) but after coming out of a very broken relationship, I tend to be an introvert. I long to get back to trusting people but its going to take some time. My optimism is slowly finding its way back. Thank you so much for sharing. Voted up!

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Lol... thanks Mbn. Really appreciate the comment and visit. I definitely relate to being a serious introvert. Though, I've had few "toxic" friendships.

    • Motherbynature profile image

      Motherbynature 

      6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      I can really relate to this. I am a serious introvert. It's not that I mistrust people but I think I just need certain relationships to be drama-free. I open up to only a couple of people and even that is hard for me. I ended a few toxic friendships recently so I have some openings to fill- or not! :)

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Acaetnna, thanks for the visit and I appreciate your visit. Yeah, Amy gave me good advice as well as the others. I love to throw a topic in the air and see what everyone thinks. I love to hear feedback especially when I am unsure of what to do. Though, I know I'm stubborn to take advice too. It takes a certain collection of words to get through to me. So far everyone has added a few words to my consciousness.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Thanks a lot, Amy. I really appreciate your words. I'm basically just spending time, getting to know, understanding. Things are good thus far, so like you said, time will tell. :) I'll definitely try to keep my anxiety in check. Though the more time goes by, the more natural it feels. So who knows?

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 

      6 years ago from Guildford

      Wow I completely echo Amy's words. She took the words completely out of my mouth. Great hub!

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      When I was young, I spent my time trying to be what everyone wanted me to be. As a result, it took me a long time to try to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Now that I'm a mature adult, I still don't know who I am or what I want, as life puts me in a constant state of flux, but I'll be damn if I let anyone tell me how to get there. Living means joy and pain, good and bad, yin and yang, and it made me tougher. I am not closed to others, but I am not needy. Trust comes with time for me. And, actions speak louder than words to me.

      I worry that your anxiety will create difficulty allowing the development of a natural, honest relationship. Yet, if your new friend is sensitive, compassionate and understanding, you may find you no longer need the anxiety. Time will tell. I wish you the best in finding what you need.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Albion, thanks so much for the comment and the visit. I really took what you said to heart. Friendships cannot be manufactured and takes a great effort from me to get out there and meet new people. That has been one of my goals this year, actually. Among other things... I really appreciate everything!

      Poojasd, thanks for that. It is hard to trust someone with your emotions. I can definitely agree to that and that friendships are difficult to deal with at times. No two friends are immune from conflict.

    • poojasd7 profile image

      poojasd7 

      6 years ago from India

      I can understand how difficult it is to trust someone with your emotions.

      I have been having similar thoughts lately as there were some tumultuous experiences in friendships.

      I do not know the solution for such things. Friendships are more difficult to deal with at times.

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 

      6 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Aubrey. Though a perfectly straight relationship, I think of my best friend more than once every day. He died 10 years ago, at that time we had been best friends for more than 50 yes 50 years. We had lived in the same street as boys and grew up together. My point being, that you cannot manufacture a friendship, it has to develop naturally. So try and get out there Aubrey try not to become introverted. Go and meet the people, as they say in sales talk, you have to get past the No's to get to the Yes's.

      Graham.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Awww, that was a well crafted response Sam. I really appreciate the warmness to your words. Definitely like being reassured that I have nothing to be "ashamed or afraid of". It's nice to hear people say stuff like that. I really appreciate your feedback. :)

    • samislam profile image

      Sam Islam 

      6 years ago from Vancouver, WA

      Continue writing, my friend! Bottled emotions are frustrating, there's little doubt about that, but sometimes such personal inconsistencies are the best creative fuel imaginable. I'm not suggesting a continuation of reservation--not in the slightest--but use these emotions to embellish upon your craft. Who knows, it may even help you burst through the shell you've described in this hub. Either way, you've got nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. When the time is right, you'll surely 'let down your guard" and let the right ones in.

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Josh, I like your opinion. I really think it coincides with what I'm feeling. Taking that risk is really the whole reason I wrote this. Sometimes I'm so afraid of the risk that I'd rather take the easier route. But then again I like to shake things up. Thanks for your comment!

      Flash, you're right about good friends being hard to find. Sometimes those really REALLY great friendships are taken for granted and then when you don't have them anymore, you feel like something's missing ya know? I appreciate your opinion and your hope that I find someone to grow old with... Growing old?.... Oh boy that'll be dramatic. lol.

    • flashmakeit profile image

      flashmakeit 

      6 years ago from usa

      Good friends are hard to find. Someone you can put your trust in. A man that really care about your emotion just like you care about his life. Once you find them it like a magical gift from God. And I really hope you find that special one so you can grow old together in harmony. I do not have a lot of friends I find it very peaceful.

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 

      6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      This is very true Aubrey, it is hard to let down our walls of protection. So often friends and family will let us down, but that is life. There comes a time when we have to take risks, and hopefully it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. I mean that is my opinion, what do you think?

    • CrazedNovelist profile imageAUTHOR

      A.E. Williams 

      6 years ago from Hampton, GA

      That's really good, Unknown. I've been betrayed once, I wasn't hurt. I was angry and then I never really spoke to that person again. It's a sad affair, but I got over it. My best friend, at times, it seems like he's half listening and he has always has this condescending tone of voice. It's not towards me, it's just how he talks, so I can't help but feel a bit insecure about what I'm feeling. Sometimes there's a great deal of apathy, something I've noticed in recent years. So it's like, OMGosh, you kinda care, but I really don't know if you do.... Thanks for the comment Unknown. I'm glad this made some sense. I felt like I was rambling.

    • unknown spy profile image

      Not Found 

      6 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      All my life, I've let only one person to know all of me.. And for years, he sees the best and the worst side of my life. but the best thing, he never judged, never betrayed me, never talked to others about the worst in me..i know im right to let him in.

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