- Gender and Relationships
Opening Up To A New Friend
I've been thinking some time about building more friendships, more specifically, another close relationship. It seems like over time, your friends change and become different people. This hub is about this as well as opening up your heart and warmth to a new person, with prospects of developing a close relationship. It's based off some thoughts of late. Would love some feedback as well. Enjoy my ramblings.
What Do You Mean?
Let Someone Else In. What I mean by this is letting another person into your most intimate thoughts. Some people have had one friend for so long it seems like the connection isn't as powerful or natural as it once was. Lately, I've felt lonesome. It's because I have ceased the building of strong relationships. My best friend will always be my best friend, but I also can't ask him to be the sole recipient of my emotional needs. It's just not fair to him or me. There's a perk though. He knows exactly what to say to calm me down at help me. It sounds good yes.
What's my problem? I wish I knew. I kind of feel uneasy that I have just one great friend that I confide in. It makes me feel that somewhere along the line, I stopped taking applications for new best friends. I stopped developing the close relationships I've always cherished. Letting someone else in is important to me, because I've been so closed when I used to be so open. What happened to me? Why did I stop letting those in who genuinely cared about my well-being. I was never this way before.
What About Your Mate/Lover?
I don't have one. Yes, a loved one such as a mate or lover can provide me with this particular need, however it's rare. It's rare meaning I have not had anyone like that in years. And when I did confide in them, I felt whiny and needy. I felt like I had no business burdening them with my emotions. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever wanted to confide in someone but you felt the need to refrain from it, to hide your need to vent or let out something internal? As I grow older I begin to realize I won't have any more opportunities to develop intimate relationships with the same sex.
Girls are very in tune with emotions, but sometimes they just don't understand. They can't wrap their mind around the insecurities, worries, and fears of the male pysche. It's unfair to talk to your best girl-friend and try to explain how you feel. Normally she's a little confused. Just today, I couldn't get my thoughts across to the girls. They didn't understand. Male bonding is essential to our survival. It's important more so than anyone realizes. The girls may compare it to girl bonding to get a fraction of the idea. It's just, idk... important.
What Are You Going To Do?
I have a friendship on the horizon, I think. It seems silly for me to be nervous and shaky when thinking about it. This guy is truly interested in becoming my friend and really wants to spend time with me. That makes me nervous inside. Another guy wants to hang with me? I'm different than most I think. When the guys do stuff, they don't think of me. I don't get invited, so I definitely feel a bit insecure by this. Do I act strangely? Is there something I'm doing wrong? The fact that that there is another male who genuinely enjoys my company means lot to me. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but I guess it's acceptance. I guess I feel that I fit in better. I know, I might be too old for this emotion, but sometimes I don't feel like I fit in. I kinda sit on the sidelines.
Growing up I was pretty unpopular and developed some friendships that had varying meaning. I'm still in the same boat really. I have the guy friends who are all friends of my best friend. They're cool, but I don't know them. Somehow I failed to get my own friends outside of my best friend's circle. I have not one friend from work, so it's like... man. If I'm not invited or included I'm sitting at home. Honestly I think I'm shy and I don't interact well at times. So this new friend (who happens to be co-worker), who wants to invest in me will get a good return on that investment! I'm always free lol. I'm hoping that I become good friends with him, but I'm still afraid.
How Open Are You With Your Emotions?
Why Are You So Afraid?
I've grown guarded over the years. I've confided in my best friend, but it's just not the same. I feel very insecure and whiny (sound familiar?). I want to have a new friend for that, especially one that doesn't make me feel bad, sad, or angry when I'm expressing myself. I kinda want a Nonpartisan Recipient of Emotions, a NRE. I want someone who's going to listen and understand and not try to advise me. Sometimes I get upset because men like to "fix" the problem, versus really understanding or listening. I think this new friend will be that way. And hopefully I don't feel "insecure and whiny" when expressing my feelings. Like everyone else, I need to be able to express how I feel to someone who will actively listen and respond according only to my wishes. It's all so complicated. I hope you get my drift.
I'm afraid to reveal some things about myself. I don't know why, I just am. I guess over the years I've begun to expect less of people. Perhaps things will become different now? Perhaps there won't be a "should I tell him" moment. I'll already have a sense of trust. I'm a trusting person by nature and sometimes it's taken advantage of, and sometimes it's not. I'm a risk taker, so I'll definitely take it.
Letting Someone Else In...
It means trusting a new person and being invested in their emotions as well. Usually when you have a new friend it's a mutual connection, a mutual exchanging of intimacy. When I mean intimacy I mean a deep closeness between friends. We've all had it once in a while and we all understand that it's a wonderful thing when things work out.