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Letting go of Pride

Updated on July 29, 2014

By Michelle Liew Tsui-Lin

All Rights reserved

I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine"- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

We always stipulate conditions when it comes to letting go of pride and reconciling after an argument.

It is not simple to release our pride, especially after others have wronged us. We want to maintain a hold over the ones who have hurt us. It is in our interests to protect ourselves lest we are hurt again.

The time, however, comes when we have to do so like it or not, as it is in our own best interests. Letting go of our pride becomes a matter of where and when.


Why we must forgo our pride

Though we do not like it, the time comes when we have to shed our peacock feathers, and for good reason.

1. It clouds the bigger picture.

For a start, pride clouds perspective. We concentrate on the hurt of the short-term and fail to see long-term consequences.

Though he is not free from blame, refusing to communicate with an errant sibling over trivial matters may lead to the sabotage of an important, long-term relationship or opportunity.

2. It breeds hatred.

Pride also breeds boiling hatred. Our desire to cling to petty self-righteousness spawns irrational hatred of those who do not hold ideals in common with our own.

This is why religious and racial divergence is hard for some to tolerate.

3. It creates unnecessary competition.

Irrational hatred aside, pride creates unnecessary competition. Humans compete over the most absurd of issues, especially superficial ones such as beauty.

Such competition encourages us not to accept ourselves as we are.

4. It prevents good.

To add, pride prevents us from seeing the good that is possible. Too many peacock feathers blind us to the good of others.

The true, good intentions of others are hard to discern.

5. It breeds selfishness.

Lastly, we have to forgo our pride if it is making us selfish. We have to consider interests other than our own.

Eventually, the interests of others also boost our own.

When was your pride challenged!?

See results

When to let go of pride: losing the feathers

Forgoing our peacock feathers does not mean humiliating or compromising ourselves. It does not mean losing our self-worth?

Many times, forgoing pride brings about the greater good of all.

1. We must let go of pride in urgent circumstances.

Those times are when circumstances are urgent. When the family needs to bond over an emergency, such as a member's serious illness, forget past grievances.

2. We should forget pride for the sake of important relationships.

We should also shed those feathers to preserve important relationships. Having a long-term feud with one's parents does not bode well over time.

3. Let go of pride when matters are trivial.

Another reason to shed prideful feathers is triviality. It does not scar you permanently when someone makes an indiscreet or tactless remark. Just clarify matters and move on.

4. When the mistake is ours.

To add, if the mistake is ours, it is time to shed the feathers and account for it. Everyone makes them.

5. When the person faces extenuating circumstances.

To round off, it is never wise to cling to our pride in extenuating circumstances. There will be times when we need the help of others, no matter whether you like the idea.

Asking for help does not mean humiliating yourself. Ask, bearing the need for tact and distance in mind.

Poem by Michelle Liew
Poem by Michelle Liew | Source

Shedding our peacock feathers need not be an awkward experience. Take a balanced approach.

1. Do not get affected by trivial matters.

For a start, do not worry about trivialities. Little, indiscreet words or actions are often not worth our time. It is not difficult to forget, in time, a tactless remark made in ignorance.

2. Think about whether the person meant to insult.

To make the process of forgetting easier, think about whether the person meant to deal the insult. He may have said words in the wrong context or be facing pressure himself.

3. Apologize when necessary.

Thirdly, do not be afraid to apologize when the mistake is yours. All of us are fallible.

4. Practice honesty.

To add, be honest with yourself and others. More empathy, rapport and understanding removes the need for pride.

5. Maintain boundaries.

To close, letting go of pride does not mean humiliation or servility. Practice humility while still maintaining personal boundaries.


When and what would you do to let go of your pride?


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    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thank you Eddy.

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Travmaj!

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Jhamann!

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Yes, too much humility is a problem too.

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      We can only try, Manatita.

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Rasma!

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Devika.

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks, Chitra!

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      There's a HUGE difference indeed, Lambservant!

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      Never an easy one to learn, Bill.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      6 years ago from Wales

      Wonderful as always Michelle.


    • travmaj profile image


      6 years ago from australia

      'Pride comes before a fall..I' 'm always aware of not letting pride dictate to me but it's not always easy. Excellent theories and a lesson in becoming more aware of ourselves and motives. Thank you again.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 

      6 years ago from Reno NV

      This is such a necessary hub, pride can stand in the way of so many things. Jamie

    • janetwrites profile image

      Janet Giessl 

      6 years ago from Georgia country

      I have had the problems the other way around. I have always been to humble. That can be a problem, too. Thank you for sharing this interesting and important hub. Well done.

    • manatita44 profile image


      6 years ago from london

      Yes,Michelle, a big one here. I have problems, too.

      Some good pointers from you: maintaining boundaries, letting go of the trivial, avoiding misunderstandings ... Great and much needed Hub.

      What will I do? I meditate, and keep trying. God bless.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      6 years ago from Daytona Beach, Florida

      Voted up and interesting. Letting go of pride has sometimes saved a number of relationships. Passing this on.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      6 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Pride is not easy to let go of you got me interested in this topic and I so agree with you

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      6 years ago from New Delhi, India

      A very important message, which we must try to follow, although it is not so easy.

      In the larger interest of relationships, family and others, we must let go off our pride--I agree completely!

      Thanks for sharing this well done hub!

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      6 years ago from United States

      Letting go of pride is not humiliation, as you stated, but humility - being humble. Big difference, eh? The photo at the beginning of your hub packs a punch. Excellent hub.

    • midget38 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      On why we should let go of our pride

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      A tough lesson for me to learn, but I did learn it. Well done, Michelle, and an important message for all.


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