Letting Go of the Past to Move in to the Future

A lot of people I have met along the way in my life have never been able to let go of the hurt and pain they have indured and it has carried over in to their adult life and destroyed many good relationships.

If you can't let go of your past of hurt and pain how can you move in to your future? Holding on to pain, grief, abuse, or anything else that is not good will cause you not to become the person we all deserve to be.

Is thinking about someone who was deceitful to you over and over again helping you or your life? Does your ex get in your way of moving forward in a new relationship?

When you can't stop talking about your ex's your not over them and the person your in a relationship with does not want to hear about them. You have to learn to let go. No we won't ever forget but letting go is different.

I was told by someone that remembering what has happened to me in my past helps me to be who I am today. But the person I see is depressed and unable to be happy because they won't forget about the past and move forward and has run every person out of their life that truly cared about them.

Take a deep breath and vow to let it go and move on. It's not healthy to keep rehashing the bad in your life and what others have done to you. God knows I have lived enough grief but I will not let it interrupt my life now because it doesn't matter anymore to me. I have been a happier person not rehashing all the bad things that have ever happened to me.

Live, love and laugh it's good for you!

We all have had relationships that were not perfect. Whether it be with a boyfriend or girl friend, spouse, child, best friends or just an acquaintence.

You have to ask yourself is the pain worth it. Some have had abuse from parents or spouses and you know that in this day and time you don't have to accept it. It's these things you need to forget about if they are in your past. You dealt with it and learned from it now its time to move on.

I know as soon as you make a new friend or significant other, it is natural to tell them about your past relationships but don't. When you entertain the behavior that you left behind, you may be setting yourself up to be treated unfairly by your new friendship or romance.

If you did drugs 20 years ago why does the person you are with now need to know that? Learn what to tell and what not to tell. I don't want to hear about your ex's or what they did to you. It's what is going on now that matters.

If it's a way a person looks at you or touches you that bothers you, then just tell them not to do it because you don't like it. You don't have to go into a three hour detail of what your ex did to you.

Don't bad mouth your ex in front of your present boyfriend or girlfriend especially if kids are involved. Say little to your ex as possible and move along.

Additionally, notice your own behavior. If you catch yourself repeatedly mentioning an ex, ask yourself a few questions:

• Have I healed enough from that relationship to be ready to date again?
• Do I need to broaden my horizons so I have more to talk about than former relationships?
• Am I making this new person uncomfortable or sending the wrong message by talking about old relationships?

In general, I think it is unhealthy to talk about past relationships at all as it invites one or both people to create a standard of comparison to your exes and start comparing themselves to that standard. If there is something you appreciate about an ex and see it in your current relationship, then you can praise the person you’re now with without needing to mention the past person. Alternately, if the current person you are dating does something you find aggravating which an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend did, then talk with that person about it without bringing up that past relationship. In doing so, it will keep the current relationship in focus without feeling that you are comparing your current relationship to a past relationship.

Not every relationship is a good fit, but don’t sabotage a potentially awesome relationship by insisting on talking about an ex it’s not worth it!