Life Isn't Always Fair
Is It Supposed To Be?
It's been a while since I've been able to write anything that makes any sense and maybe this will be in that genre. but I'll give it a whirl. This isn't one of those writings meant to cast stones or aspersions on anyone but something I feel inside that needs to take a peek at the rest of the world around me. I've shut a lot of the world around me out as I transition from what I knew to the totally unknown.
A Little Music?
Nice To See You Again
My life has been changing because sometimes that is what happens when you least expect it. I'm getting to be an old bullfrog but a wiser one I would hope. I have my fears, wants and needs as we all do. Moving on, both physically and mentally, presents changes and many times they aren't of the most "pleasing to entertain" variety. You can get lost in some of it and revert to self-pity and blame but really now...
Now admittedly, I haven't done much writing here lately and there are a variety of reasons. First and foremost is my perspective on why I write. I write for me. I write to put my thoughts, feelings and emotions into print so I can touch them and feel them. They are mine and I never appreciate it when anyone decides to trample on them. If you aren't a writer then you don't have the slightest idea of what I am talking about. Self-honesty is centered in writing, mine is anyway.
I never write to offend. I attempt to write, in most cases anyway, to convey what I feel, what I sense and what I experience. In this particular case, I am writing about life being fair, which it rarely is, and how to relate to its unfairness when you don't contribute to the environment that fosters fairness as you walk its path. If you think I'm referring to you then that's fair too. But let me make one thing perfectly clear, if that is possible with the written word. I do not slander anyone in print. I will make no particular reference to anyone, by name, as that can border on the legal definition. The truth is never slander by legal definition. It may be unpleasant but not slanderous.
But I, as a writer and a living, breathing person should have the freedom to express my thoughts, feelings, observations and experiences. If you happen to think those things are about you, maybe they are and maybe they aren't. Here on the Hub, we are all anonymous unless we choose not to be. Other forums aren't like that and that's where one needs to tread differently and I endeavor to do that.
This isn't about dirty laundry. I intend it to be about honesty or the lack thereof and not placing blame. We're all victims in reality and usually if I see myself as a "victiim" I am wallowing in self-pity. The old "woe is me" drama type of thing. The reality of my life, your life and anyone's life for that matter is that it is all about choices. Having relationships is a double edged sword because then it has two edges and not one. It takes two people to dance the waltz.
So where is this going? Search me, I'll just keep typing and see. Life isn't fair, nor do I think that it is intended to be. But why make matters worse? What I have experienced and feel strongly about is confronting any situation, or relationship, with a certain amount of honesty, free of deceit and lying along the way to cover your tracks. Are those tracks so backward that another person needs to throw a smoke screen up to obscure them?
Am I a saint? Hardly, nor do I profess to be. Have I made mistakes along the path? Let me ask it this way, "Have you?" But if we have a disagreement, is it fair that one person wants to bring up the past of another as a defense to the present and the future? We all have a history which we have lived, but I always feel much better in the knowledge that history is what it is - the past. Hopefully I learned from it, studied it and know not to repeat it. I sure don't expect anyone to lug it out for me and air it out whenever they feel like it, usually to my detriment. That's when life becomes a little more than unfair and has the tendency to piss off the other person you decide to unleash that on.
I'm not perfect nor will I ever be, neither are you. If you think you are then maybe it's time for a wake up call. How do you make life fair? I don't think you can, being what it is. But I also think we can make it a more even playing field with honest discourse. What do I mean by that? This is the touchy part. If you feel it is okay to lie to someone, I can only say that it isn't. If you feel it's okay to deceive someone and go behind their back in an attempt to get your own way. it's not. Stark reality will eventually rear its ugly head and the truth is there to see.
If you try to cloak that sort of conduct in the word "love," try giving me a break and pretend I'm not stupid. I definitely don't wear that tag well. I'm not an expert on the subject of love but I do know that's not it. It might be the love of oneself but not for another. If you want to contribute to life being unfair then be unfair to a person who you claim to be near and dear. Why not first try being honest with yourself? Once that is done then climb out on that limb and tell the other person upfront, close and personal what you are doing, why you are doing it and see how that floats the old boat. Just try not to be too thin skinned when you shimmy out there on that precarious limb of life.
No, life isn't fair. But can we make it worse than it should be? Only you have the key to open that door. I am having to start over as the old saw goes. I could wallow in it, take a bath in it but it still smells the same. When I have to start over I try to pick up the pieces that were left to me, dust my froggy little behind off and move forward in a more positive direction. I don't like drama or trauma if you know what I mean. It is what it is. It does happen though usually it is avoidable but life being what it is...
Try being fair (read - honest) with yourself and then others and see it that helps. Don't spin it like you want it to appear but the way it really is. Me? I'm usually willing to talk with anyone as long as I know you're really listening.
The Frog Prince