- Gender and Relationships
Living with the monster looks and yelling of a mean angry person
The monster face
After going through more experiences about anger with family members, than I want to remember, I can tell you that living with an angry person is horrid. I often wonder if Dante forgot to include living with an angry family as one of the levels of hell. The angry looks, yelling, personal attacks, threats and cursing more hours of the day than not turned living into something filled with suffering, fear and desperation.
Angry looks are more fearsome than you might imagine. The horrid shape that angry people put on their face is nothing short of demonic. I find it fascinating that many artists’ renditions of demonic faces are so similar to the appearances of angry people. This is also one of those areas where they angry person often does not believe that their face could look so bad. The angry looks scare children and anyone else who has a thread of innocence. Even when there was silence in the house, the angry person used their looks to control their surroundings. Through the use of ugly faces and gestures, they communicated that they did not approve of things. It was their way of expressing disapproval without being held accountable. In a twisted way they disapproved without saying anything, so that later they could innocently say that “I didn’t say anything bad”. In truth, they did not ‘say’ anything, but they certainly communicated their disapproval loud and clear.
It was not by accident that medieval builders often incorporated angry faces and gargoyles into their structures. The angry faces added an 'intimidation factor' to building. Angry faces were also used in adorning cannons and other weapons due once again to the intimidation factor.
If you are an angry person, you may consider looking in the mirror when you are angry. It may surprise of even frighten yourself. Although people joke about eyes turning red or going blind with rage, some of the visages I have seen would certainly fit the description. Besides the horrid contortions, and flaring of the nostrils, there is often the reddening of the skin. So that literally, the eyes squint, the brows and mouth are twisted, the nostrils flared and the face turns red. Angry people often describe the sensations behind the redness as a warmth or heat that comes over them. It is often easy to see those with anger problems in that their face slowly molds into the contorted shape of the angry visage. The angry people often have what seems to be permanently down-turned mouths and piecing looks in their eyes.
Children often have an innocent honesty when they are faced with such situations. They may refer to the angry face as a 'monster face', or a 'devil face'. Some families often have private names for the angry faces of fellow family members as well. They may talk about someone having an 'ugly face' or 'the critter' in reference to the angry visage.
With all that blood flowing to their head, the angry person often have blood pressure issues as well. The sad part is that they brag “I don’t have blood pressure problems, I give other people blood pressure problems.” Although their anger is dismissed as a joke or laughed off, one of the things that make it so humorous is that ‘it is true’. Humor, when it is funny, contains an element of truth to it.
Although angry people often have a humorous side to them, they do not take well to when you use humor against them or their anger. Somehow what is funny when they do it to others, looses its appeal when used on them. With some angry people, your humor or light hearted approach toward them becomes a trigger for more anger. Using humor to confront them often leads to more anger rather than less. Since it often leads to more anger, you have to decide whether you want more anger or less anger around you.
The problems with yelling
Yelling is often a source of great hurt. Children often cower when they have been exposed to the loud noises produced by angry people. Yelling is often one of the great catalysts of fights. What started as an angry outburst turns into a full fledged fight. This happens when others raise the level of their voices to match that of the angry person. Since many angry people do not realize they are angry, they often do not believe that they are the one with a ‘raised voice’. They often insist “I was not yelling!” They claim that they were being passionate or forceful or some other nicely worded way of covering the denial of their anger.
I have learned that there is often some cultural differences with yelling. Some cultures are very used to yelling. Since they grow up with it, they think nothing of it. When I have dealt with obnoxious people from urban centers in the northeastern U.S., they often talk loud, fast and yell without even giving it a second thought. That is often what they are used to. Some of the people from urban areas in Ohio run a close second. At one time, I tried confronting the yelling behavior, but realized in cases where they are from those areas, it is a lost cause. They are so used to the angry yelling, they think nothing of it. Telling them about it was like talking to a fence post. Yes, the sound of my voice reached them, but it went nowhere. So if you are going to confront people from those areas on their yelling, don’t try it. They won’t listen and you will only frustrate yourself and them in the process.
When the volume of speech is elevated in a house, it creates tension. In homes filled with yelling, it does not take much for a fight to erupt. It is as if the tension takes everyone up to a level where it only takes a spark to set off a blaze of anger. Yelling also looses its effectiveness when it often occurs. When you are raised around yelling, you become desensitized to it. You often disregard the yelling that intimidates others. The scary part is that the desensitization is a two way street. You become immune to the yelling of others and you are also immune to recognizing your own yelling. You may find yourself yelling at others when you did not realize it.
Yelling at others does not make you easier to understand. I often find it humorous how many Americans resort to speaking louder or yelling when they are not understood by someone who does not speak English. The yelling only irritates and takes away from what you are trying to communicate. The focus turns to the yelling rather than what you were trying to say. When I saw angry people deal with non-English speakers, I often thought how fortunate they were to not be able to understand what is being said to them and about them.