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Long Distance Relationships-What Can Go Wrong
Do They Work Out?
Sometimes long distance relationships work out and sometimes they don’t. There are many things you should take into consideration and think about before diving into the waters of far away love. I’ve known a few of these and most of them didn’t work out for various reasons.
Long distance relationships are not a new thing even though some may think so. Since we have had mail delivery we have had romance from afar. During time of war, girls would choose a soldier or sailor to be her pen pal. They exchanged pictures and letters keeping the boy’s morale up that were fighting for our country. Many even married afterward if he was lucky enough to come back alive. I have an aunt that met a man that way.
Many things make a relationships work and there is a whole list of reasons they do not. In this day of technology we have tools like webcam, video and cell phones making it easier to get a better idea of what the other person is like but even then until you meet you don’t have the complete picture.
- Honest Up-to-Date Photos
Make sure you exchange many current pictures without touch ups. This is only fair to your love interest and if you don’t in the end it will come out anyway so you might as well be truthful from the start. We all have flaws we aren’t proud of and want to change but honesty is always the best policy.
I worked with a woman who was obese, not just a bit overweight; I’m talking three chins. She used an old picture of herself on a dating site and found a sweetheart who lived far away. They became serious and decided it was time they met. She flew to his home and stayed a few days. When she got back she was disappointed that he too had used an old thinner picture and shortly after her arrival he was distant and cold. He was expecting that trim woman she showed in her photos and likewise she expected a different looking fellow.
Here is a prime example of two people trying to deceive others in order to get a mate. Unfortunately all humans are visual creatures unless they are blind; even then they have expectations. There is someone out there for just about everyone but you have to be upfront and honest in the beginning. This is a form of lying and will get you nowhere.
For some people a voice is very important. They have in mind a certain tone or accent they like or prefer. I’m not necessarily talking about people from another country, every part of the United States has an accent and they are all very different. Some find a southern accent cute or sexy but some think it sounds uneducated or annoying. I know; I have one.
Another part of voice is speech, such as how we say things or what we say. When we type out an email we can edit our words and make sure they sound good. In person we don’t have a delete button or grammar check. If we sound bad due to being brash, arrogant or ignorant it will show up when we meet face to face.
This is very important to all of us whether you realize it or not unless you are lacking in the olfactory. A person’s aroma can turn us on, or set us off. Without knowing what the other person smells like you don’t have the full picture. Pheromones are very instrumental in whether or not we are attracted to each other.
Everyone has his or her own special scent and even if it is strong there is another person out there who finds you their favorite flavor.
There was a scientific study done with college women; they took sweaty shirts from different guys and had the girls smell them. After working out, no deodorant or cologne they got the boy’s true aroma. The girls had to write down a description of what they thought each man would look like based on his scent. The end result was that a man whose smell is appealing to a woman is considered much more attractive.
Women have been known to sleep with a man’s dirty t-shirt after a death or break up. Likewise some men are into panties. I won’t go into the particulars but you get the picture. Yeah, smell is very important.
If a person wears too much cologne this is also bad.
You know that guy or girl in the office that drives you crazy just by the way they breathe, walk, twitch or use their hands when they talk? There are things about people that we can’t explain but they just irritate us. Being pen pals doesn’t give you the full picture of a woman’s inner person and how she presents herself when she talks or walks.
I overheard a young man telling his friend that he stopped dating a girl because she didn’t cover her mouth when she yawned. To some that might seem a small thing but to this fellow it was important.
- Annoying Habits
We all have them; no one is perfect. There are some things we can over look and others not so much.
Some women get bent out of shape if a guy doesn’t put the toilet seat down. If this is important to her and he feels it’s no big deal there will be issues somewhere down the road.
I know a woman that felt her purse was off-limits; no one is allowed to look inside. Maybe she’s carrying CIA documents, I don’t know but she would go ballistic if her kids touched her handbag.
A neat nick won’t be so happy if his girlfriend leaves her keys on the counter and his idea of happiness is everything out of sight.
So you made arrangements, met and you are still madly in love but… due to career, family or love of your hometown you can’t or won’t relocate. He thinks you should and vise versa, which causes a big conflict.
A few years a go I witnessed a torrid love affair on a social networking site between a couple who lived in two different states. It was quite entertaining; they had a huge following with people commenting and giving advice—it was like an interactive soap opera. No joke.
We’re not talking about a couple of love struck teenagers still wet behind the ears, these people were college educated with careers… which was the problem. She had a job she loved and liked being near Mama and Daddy, like all good southern girls and he felt since he was the man she should pick up housekeeping and follow him to the ends of the earth, like most southern men. Well… it didn’t work out, in fact she deleted him and it turned out quite ugly.
Sooo the moral of that story, kids, is make sure up front that you are on the same page regarding living arrangements. Don’t assume your career is more important than hers because no matter what neck of woods she is from she might not agree.
Granted many of these come up in local relationships too but you don’t usually invest as much of your heart before you find these things out.
There are relationships that stay long distance and they never intend them to be more than what they are due to neither person being able or willing to relocate. They can last for many years providing a local girl or guy doesn’t catch their eye.