Looking Beyond the Image in the Mirror
Seeing the Inner Beauty
It has taken me many years of tears, anger, frustration and self-pity to finally get off the "poor me trip". I have been through a lot of hurt and disappointment in my life but accepting and loving myself for the large woman I had become was a freeing experience. When I looked at the reflection of myself in a mirror I was not acknowledging my gain. It started in my early twenties due to anti-seizure meds that greatly slowed my metabolism down.
Side Effect of Meds
My doctor had told me that one of the side effects of the meds would be weight gain. He had explained that my normal metabolism was high but due to the meds it was going to slow right down. Well at this point I was skinny and had never had a problem with my weight in my life; so I really didn't take the doctors warning too seriously. He had warned me that I would really have to be more careful of what and when I ate etc. He explained that with my natural high metabolism I could eat a pizza laying on a couch and I would burn calories. But this would be no more as once my metabolism slowed down I would notice the changes in my weight and energy levels. Before I knew it I was gaining weight just as the doctor had predicted. In fact I just had to look at a pizza to put on the pounds or at least so it seemed during this great transition of mine.
In My Dreams I see Skinny Me
In my mind I think I was in denial to a certain degree of the plus size me; even in my dreams I would always see the once skinnier me never the plus size me. At times it felt like one day I fell asleep as skinny Pam to reawaken as plus size Pam; of course it was not that dramatic but I did gain weight fairly quickly. I found myself trying to make excuses why I had yet again gained another 20lbs; before I knew it I had managed to ballon out to 270lbs; my normal weight for my height and size should be 170lbs. Many girls that are not over weight always see themselves as fat when in reality they are at a healthy weight; this type of denial can also lead to serious problems such causing women to loose weight when they shouldn't. We as women have to accept ourselves for who we are and love ourselves enough to make sure we try and reach or stay at a healthy weight. We must find that magical weight for our size and build- a good place to get some advice on this would be at our next visit to our GP. They will be able to give us a weight that will be healthy for us to stay at. The journey to get to that perfect weight will not be an easy one for most of us but then again usually anything worth while doesn't always come easily.
Deer Caught in the Headlights!
I went from a person who had never had weight issues to someone who was 80lbs over weight; I felt like I was trapped in the wrong body! I was skinny Pam living in plus-size Pam's body; hoping that I would one day wake-up and be back in my skinny body! I was like a deer caught in the headlights I didn't see it coming or more truthfully didn't want to see it coming.
Of course the pressures of Society don't help in making plus size women feel that they are just as beautiful as the skinny women of the world. Society's ideas or visions of what beautiful women should look like have clouded our minds using all sorts of media to promote the air-brushed photos of skinny women. The women we see in the glamour magazines are only one type of woman many of which are air-brushed to perfection.
Loving Me for Me
I have come to realize that beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes and that beauty does not stop at the outer package; but that there is much beauty within the package that needs to be unveiled for all to enjoy. The day I finally looked at myself in the mirror as plus size Pam was a moment when I cried silent tears not of sadness but of a sense of contentment and inner peace. Once I had accepted me for who I was today not who I used to be I found peace within myself. I am now living in the present with plus size me and loving it; but that's not to say there is not room for self-improvement! Society in general has to take the time to open the package to see the real beauty within each and every individual no matter what their size!