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Woman Looking for a Big, Handsome Man (BHM)

Updated on October 3, 2014
That Grrl profile image

Laura believes holidays and events should be celebrated whether you are alone or with family and friends. Celebrate yourself being alive!


Fat Chicks Want More

I'm over 40... actually over 45 if you get technical. I'm a large sized woman, BBW (yes, I do think a woman can be big and beautiful). I'm divorced, which isn't bad as a drawback, but I can't quite see it as a plus. I'm also not the type who plays around with casual sex. So, it's not easy to find a man to spend time with. It's actually down right discouraging.

I've tried dating. I don't want to talk about it more than to sum it up. Men my age seem to be looking for casual sex, no matter what they actually say. Also, no matter what they look like in size or shape they all seem to want "fit" women. I don't mind this too much. I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me, without trying to make myself become who they want. (Within reason).

I'm not writing this to criticize the men. They are human too, after all. I'm not looking for a perfect man and I don't want to try to make myself into someone's perfect woman. I would like to find a guy who wants me though. Me, as I am. I expect I will change, for the better and likely other things will just never get any better than they are right now. I'm a realist.

Do BBW Women Prefer Big Men?

If you are a plus sized woman (which seems to be anything more than size 12) would you prefer a plus sized man too?

See results

Introverted and Quiet, But a Good Listener

I find it difficult to meet men. I'm a bit shy, introverted. I can get over that and be social but I have to get out of my own head in order to do it. I just ignore myself and go ahead and be social.

I've always been a good listener. Probably because I don't talk as much as the person I'm listening to. But, I do like to listen, to learn and get to know people.

I've given up on most dating sites.

First, I don't want to pay to join a site. Then find out there are no men in my area. Or, at least no men who say they are interested in large women and an actual relationship involving getting to know a person versus just having a warm body to screw.

Secondly, I don't like to join a site that looks promising and claims to be free only to find out it stops being free when you actually find someone you want to contact. What is the point of using a "free" site if you can't do anything once you set up a profile? No one can contact you, unless they pay for it, either.

Why is it so Hard to Find a BHM?

I'd like to meet a man who is large sized, taller than I am (not a challenge) and not slender. Someone local so we could have a real relationship not 'let's pretend' online. A man who has humour - likes to laugh and doesn't take everything too seriously all the time. A man who cares about others and yet has that balance of not doing too much either. Everyone needs some space for themselves, it never works to give too much of yourself.

I'd like to meet a man who would go on road trips with me. I like finding and photographing old buildings and places. I like spending time in bookstores and then spending time in coffee shops reading the books I have. I really like a weekend getaway. Just drive somewhere and spend time... doing nothing much. I can make plans or have a general plan for the day with room for unexpected detours.

I'd like a man who could come to family dinners and work with me when we host the family for dinners and holidays. Not that I'm an event manager but I do like family and value those connections. Even when things aren't going smooth and I might be really annoyed with one or more of them.

I like science fiction and history. I like various types and styles of art and I like making things, sewing and crafts. I'm not especially religious, if I'm anything I'm Pagan, not an organized religion. I'm not an animal person, I'm allergic to them. I'm not a neat freak, it bugs me when someone is compulsive about putting every last thing away right down to the coffee maker. I don't want to move anywhere to meet someone, I've already done that once when I was about ten years younger.

Why is it so hard to meet a nice Big Handsome Man? I don't think I'm expecting too much but I don't want to ask for too little either.

Are you a large size person looking for a relationship?

Have you found a great online dating site? (A true free site, not a scam).

Have you found a relationship online or offline? What worked for you?

© 2011 Laura Brown


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    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      8 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      Thanks for your comments and votes. I haven't given up yet. At least I'm getting smarter about dating.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 

      8 years ago from New York City

      You will find who your looking for @ That Girl, I'm sure of it, thanks for having courage by sharing your story with us all, your strong, and I think your true love will be sent from the man upstairs. Voted up & thanks for adding me.

    • Genesis profile image


      9 years ago from Canada

      That Grrl you sound like a very fun person to be around, and I don't believe you should settle for less! The right guy will show up when you least expect it, so grab some of your girlfriends and go have fun doing what you love doing! My guy showed up when I wasn't looking and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him when he did!! lol but he was persistent, and became my friend first... eight years later we're still together and it isn't just about sex, we are also best friends which I appreciate a lot!

    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      9 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      I do have an account on OkCupid. I created it years ago. It was all young people then, college aged. I will take another look.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      That Grrl, I feel your pain, sweetheart! I'm even older than you, and the pool from which we try to draw dateable men becomes smaller and smaller the older we get (though I must say, I never thought I would be a cougar without even having to try, lol). There ARE men just like you want out there, but they don't know where to find you. And it is true that most men say they want a relationship, but no really, it's just all about the SEX. Not that there's anything wrong with sex, right? But really, I don't think we want to just give it away anymore to any old dude that happens to buy us a cheeseburger! I see lots of BBM on but do not know if that site extends out of the U.S. Give it a try. Don't give up. We're supposed to to be thinking that love will find us no matter where we are, usually verbalized by women who are happily married for 45 years. Well, we'll just see, right? Peace to you, girl.

    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      9 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      Thanks for your comment, Jason. I do get out and meet people. Not to bars but I meet with a group for a coffee night out in town once a week. I joined the historical society here too and need to get back to attending their meetings. I'm lucky. My town has a lot of local events and groups.

    • Jason Marovich profile image

      Jason F Marovich 

      9 years ago from Detroit

      Prospects will never improve (or, as you said you don't expect things to get better or change) unless you change the setting of the game. Getting out and trying activities at different venues than what you are used to is a good way to meet someone you might not otherwise have met.

      Good luck finding what I've always considered one of the most worthwhile aspects of life - love. It's out there for ANYONE daring enough to search for it in new places. This is a good read that many people would avoid lending a personal touch to, which you have done nicely.


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