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What is the Difference Between Love and Infatuation?

Updated on April 7, 2016

Finding Your Soul Mate

Some people believe that one soul gets split into a group of souls and the people that you meet in life that you are the closest to in a good or a bad way belong to your group of soul mates. Then each one of those souls is split into two parts and you go through life searching for the other half of your soul. That's what love relationships are about, people are looking for their soul mate. But even if you do find your soul mate, it doesn't mean that you will stay together. There are a lot of things that can go wrong. Sometimes there is a large age difference between you, or you live in different states or countries. Sometimes people never find their soul mates in this life.

I am the author of all of the articles about love on this page. I wrote them in 2006. Photo Credits: PD.

Soul Mate Books

Here are some books with more detailed information about first meeting and then understanding your relationship with your soul mate.

Love Poll

Did you find love at first sight or did your love develop over time?

See results

I wrote and I own the articles on this page. Do not copy! Do not use on websites without permission! Do not use on blogs! Do not submit to article directories!

Finding Your Soul Mate

H

ow do you know when you have found your soul mate? The best way to find true love is to not go and look for it. If you get into any relationship that you can just so you won't be lonely, you might regret it later because you might miss your chance to find and stay with your one true soul mate.

If you want to find your soul mate, you should be happy and fulfilled alone. Then you will meet them when and where you don't expect it. It is worth the wait to find the right one for you.

Sometimes you start out as friends and love grows over time. Sometimes true love happens just like in the movies where you look at somebody and have an instant connection as if you have known each other forever, like the other person was a part of your past.

Your heart just knows that it's right. It will feel like you are home and warm and safe. You will just know that you have found what you have been looking for all your life. It's more than just attraction.

It's like all the pieces of your life fit together complete and perfect like a puzzle. If you are with the wrong person for you, your relationship will be like trying to force a puzzle together with the wrong pieces that will never fit.

If you can clearly see and accept all of your soul mates bad qualities and you put their needs above your own, then it is true love.

Differences Between Love and Infatuation or a Crush

T

his is about how to tell the difference between real love and infatuation.

People have an ideal image of the person that they want to fall in love with. When they find someone who meets that ideal image, then they are attracted to them.

If the people stay together and get to know everything about each other, then love will develop over time.

The person in love knows all about their beloved's faults and shortcomings and they still care deeply about them. Their whole behavior is directed toward the other person's happiness.

The infatuated person sees their adored one as perfect and flawless and they can become absorbed in daydreaming about them. They are more in love with their feelings than with the other person.

True love does not diminish when you are apart. If you have doubts, the love is superficial.

The infatuated person always thinks about how to impress the other person. In true love, you know that you are loved for who and what you are.

Love is a private bond. If it is true, you will not allow your intimate details to be made public.

You should talk about each other's views on money and children, especially if you want to get married.

Jealousy is a sign of possessiveness, not true love. A little bit of jealousy is normal if you love each other, but extreme jealousy is insecurity. You can be jealous without even being in love.

These are some of the differences between love and infatuation.

Unconditional Love

D

o we only love someone until we no longer get back from them what we loved them for? Or does our love remain even through broken hearts and unfulfilled expectations?

In a friendship, if a person changes something in their life and their friend does not agree with it, the friendship might end because it is so conditional. That is how you find out who your true friends are.

It seems like very few people will love someone unconditionally anymore. True unconditional love, where you will still be accepted and loved for being exactly who you are all the time, is very rare these days.

In a marriage, two people fall in love and get married. Things are great for a few years, but then if one of them decides to leave the marriage does all of the love that they have shared just come to an end?

It is possible for their unconditional love to remain in a different way. One of them can let the other go, but continue to love them without being bitter about it.

True love never ends. Once the love is there it will not just go away because someone made a choice that hurt the other person.

If you divorce and you have children, the relationship does not end, it just changes. The children can be harmed if the adults cannot get along and show them what true unconditional love is.

If you will allow someone to choose something that might not be what you want, and you will still accept them, you are giving them unconditional love.

Love allows freedom to choose and is never critical or judgemental. Keeping someone from choosing to do what makes them happy is need, not love.

But it does not mean that you have to accept and allow them to do anything and everything. You should love yourself first and have boundaries. It means that we all choose how we will relate to another.

If someone makes a decision, you choose whether to accept it or not, but keep loving them. If you do not allow someone to choose, they will be resentful and your relationship will be over anyway.

People need to feel that their feelings are validated and not criticized or judged. They need to feel like they can make life choices without losing your love. They need real true unconditional love, not a false image of love.

Love Poem

Written by William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error, and upon me prov'd,

I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

Another Video

What Love Is

Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13

These three remain:

Faith, Hope, and Love.

But the greatest of these is love

1 Corinthians 13

Relationship Books

Here are a few good books to help you improve your relationships.

Marriage

People get married for a variety of reasons. Mutual love and companionship, to have a home and children, for emotional and economic security, for social and business advantages.

When you get married you start out happy, but after a few years you can get tired of doing the same things every day.

If you have children, they can take time and attention away from your marriage.

If you have a lot of stress, you can start to argue with your partner and other things become more important than your marriage.

It takes hard work to have a really good relationship. It's not easy to stay together forever.

Half of all marriages end in divorce. People think they would be happier with somebody else, but more than half of second marriages fail.

Marriage Books

Here are some guides to help you have a good marriage.

Heartbreak

W

hen you find your soul mate, you expect everything to be fine and work out good, but it's not all bliss.

There are always problems that need to be dealt with.

Other people can try to ruin your relationship. They can make you break up.

Sometimes you can grow apart or fall out of love and just give up.

Losing your soul mate through a breakup or divorce can feel like your world is coming to an end.

If you just recently broke up, but you are true soul mates, you should try to save your relationship and avoid the pain of a broken heart.

If you were not true soul mates, then you should let the relationship go so that you can find your soul mate.

Getting into a rebound relationship just so you won't be lonely doesn't always help. Most of the time the pain will still be there until you do something to heal it.

Losing your true love through a break up or a divorce can be like grief from a death.

But there are some things you can do to feel a little better. You could do something like learn a new language so that you can travel to a nice tropical place by the ocean. Going on a vacation to a nice place can help a broken heart.

Or you could organize your house. If your house is in order, your life might feel like it is in order.

Twelve Things To Do To Help Heal Heartbreak

1. Do things that you enjoy doing, like drawing or painting. Whatever gives you the most joy to do.

2. Keep a journal. Write down all of your thoughts about your love relationship and breakup. Do it every day until your heartbreak is healed.

3. Help other people that are going through a heartbreak. It will make you feel better and help you get over your heartbreak sooner.

4. Grow from it. Try to do some new things that you would not usually do, and do some things different than what you normally would so that you can grow from it.

5. Try to forget what you regret about your love relationship. You will think about what might have happened if you did this or that different a lot. Those thoughts will just keep on coming if you do not do something to stop them.

6. Make a list of all of the bad things in your love relationship that you did not like. It might make you feel a little bit better about the relationship being over.

7. Learn from it. Look at what you can learn from your break up and think about what you could do different in your next love relationship. Make a list of all the ways that you could make your new relationship better.

8. Accept that your relationship is over. Try not to think about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend too much.

9. Do not worry too much about what other people think about your relationship breakup.

10. Choose which people you will tell about your breakup. You should not tell everybody that you meet all about it. Just tell a few people that will be supportive about it.

11. Get your friends to support you. Tell them what they should do to help you.

12. It is best to not date anybody else until your heartbreak is fully healed. You should be able to have a healthy give and take love relationship. You will not be ready to do that if you just jump into a rebound relationship right away after your breakup.

Healing Heartbreak Books

Here are some guides to help you heal a broken heart caused by a relationship breakup, divorce, or grief.

Dedicated to my deeply loved Blue Eyes. My true soul mate. We were permanently separated by a La Raza March 25, 2008. Thanks for the best time of my life when we were together.

Do You Have A Soul Mate Story?

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    • profile image

      Selvi 2 years ago

      Well...To see whether it is true.Just flloow her analysis, adjust your behaviour towards men accordingly, and see whether you have a man with you that you are happy with.Tres Facile n'est pas?

    • EpicEra profile image

      EpicEra 4 years ago

      I do! It's the dawn of an epic era where love is about to reign Supreme

    • profile image

      Aarron 4 years ago

      I truly believe in unconditional love. I heard about unconditional love first time from spiritual master Dadashri. i think he is the real embodiment of true love. Love should be without any conditions and that is true love then there will be no heart breaks and a life filled with eternal happiness.

    • lesliesinclair profile image

      lesliesinclair 4 years ago

      I fell in love at first glance, and then I quit looking after those loves flopped. It's interesting how many variations there are Soul Mates. There's so much more to love than satisfying our needs, and your descriptions can go a long way towards clarifying that for readers.

    • siobhanryan profile image

      siobhanryan 4 years ago

      Blessed-I have had the infatuation but never the love

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 4 years ago from Canada

      I am pretty sure that I have found my life mate. It took awhile but it was worth the wait.

    • Elaine Chen profile image

      Elaine Chen 4 years ago

      my husband is my soul mate; only he understand me and we are work hard together to bring our dream to realistic world

    • kiratalley profile image

      kiratalley 4 years ago

      From what I've experienced and learned over the years, infatuation is enough to pique interest and probably start a relationship. But if there is no solid foundation of love and the real sacrifice that sometimes comes with it, it isn't likely that the relationship will last. The foundation is quite important to build upon, because as our life journeys continue onwards, there are only more and more rocks and hurdles to overcome.

    • JuliaAnnPayne profile image

      JuliaAnnPayne 4 years ago

      I believe he is my soul mate for we lived together for 8 years andthen decided to get married and now we been happily married for 25 years since June 6, 2012. He is my one and only til death do we part.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have met my soul-mate. I know without a doubt who it is. Through a series of events we were not together. By the time we both realized who we were to each other, she believes I am her soul-mate we both rebounded into marriages that we are still in. We have talked over the years and our connection is deep and intense beyond physical to even spiritual. We have both been in our current committed relationships for 25 years and have never reached the depth of love that we shared when we were together for the 3 Years we were. Evennow we recognize that we love our spouses but it's not the same. We are content to be friends and we respectfully keep our distance we know that maybe not in this life but another we will be reunited as we were maent to be love each the we were destined to be and always were.

    • Lyra Kua profile image

      Lyra Kua 4 years ago

      Yes, I believe he is my soul mate. Thanks for sharing a wonderful lens.

    • Board-Game-Brooke profile image

      C A Chancellor 4 years ago from US/TN

      I wish... maybe some day I'll find my soul mate.

    • goldenecho profile image

      Gale 4 years ago from Texas

      Time is the best test of infatuation.

    • SassyGie profile image

      SassyGie 4 years ago

      really nice lens.. my boyfriend (we've been together 4 yrs now) said it was "love at first sight" with me.. but as for me, it grew over time.. I didn't even like him at first. lol

    • StewartClan profile image

      StewartClan 4 years ago

      Lovely lens, thank you very much.

    • Beth Buckley profile image

      Beth Buckley 4 years ago from Portland, OR

      I am in the process of creating a soul mate story :) Thanks for this happy lens on the topic!

    • reginaaj2gerica profile image

      reginaaj2gerica 4 years ago

      Wow! This lens is well thought and just gorgeous. I believe that my husband must be my soulmate, because after all we've been through, we are still together.

    • Rosaquid profile image

      Rosaquid 4 years ago

      I've been married to my bestest friend for more than 3 decades now. I just worked out that way. Love and infatuation are very different. Thanks for the thoughtful lens!

    • maryLuu profile image

      maryLuu 4 years ago

      Beautiful lens! It is very important to recognize your soul mate when you meet him/ her.

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 4 years ago

      There really is a difference between the two and true love will stand the test of time.

    • Jogalog profile image

      Jogalog 4 years ago

      I consider my husband to be my soul mate. I can now look back at previous relationships and recognise which ones were just infatuation.

    • kburns421 lm profile image

      kburns421 lm 5 years ago

      I think it's hard to really define and draw a line between infatuation and love. It's probably more of a spectrum, and it all depends on each individual person. I really like though that you acknowledge the differences among people by saying love can either happen pretty much at first sight like in movies or it can grow over time. I most definitely believe in both. Very insightful and well written lens.

    • profile image

      antoniow 5 years ago

      Lovely lens, Squidlikes!

    • BlogsWriter profile image

      BlogsWriter 5 years ago

      There is something odd, the chemistry between people when it works without expecting anything, that of course is true love. Infatuation, of course does not work both-way. Glad that you have tried to clear the subtle differences between them.

    • CyberTech LM profile image

      CyberTech LM 5 years ago

      Yes I had a first Soul Mate and she passed on in 2003. I do believe in Love at first sight. I have been there and done it. Some people do not think this can happen but I have had this happen. My heart feels pulled to them and a warm feeling comes over me. I knew it was right. It has been a long time having this, I hope it will happen again.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I know that at different stages of my life, I have had different soul mates.

    • Camden1 profile image

      Camden1 5 years ago

      What a wonderful explanation of the difference between crush and true love - a conversation I was having with my oldest daughter just this weekend!

      I also loved the explanation about how soul mates are formed - I've never heard that before!

    • siobhanryan profile image

      siobhanryan 5 years ago

      This is so lovely and extremely educational as well-Pity I had not read this 20 years ago

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @Snozzle: I found my soulmate but we can't be together.... :(

      yesterday i was thinking of him and suddenly he called my husband (weird)..I knew it was him, something told me it was him, I asked my husband who called and he said (name here).. (weird)

      it's been 9 years and I haven't felt the magic I felt with him with anybody else... don't get me wrong, i love my husband, just not in the way i love this other guy.

    • Dawn Michael PhD profile image

      Dawn Michael 5 years ago from Thousand Oaks

      The article was well put together and beautiful...

    • JoleneBelmain profile image

      JoleneBelmain 5 years ago

      I have a wonderful soul mate story, unfortunately it's too long to post here, but I have made a lens about it... I will not post the link (I do know better than that) but the it is "Love of my life and soulmate". It has everything in there from when we met in high school, to our lives as we are right now.

      You have some marvelous tips on here, and it is a very fine line between love and infatuation for sure. Everyone just needs to take a step back and figure where they are at, without the pressure of the world on top of them.

      ~BLESSED~

    • profile image

      jseven lm 5 years ago

      This is so true and the layout and colors of this lens are beautiful. I had two soulmates and was married to my first one for 27 years, but he had many issues that took us apart, but we are friends forever and will always love each other. I fell in love with my second soul mate and he had bi-polar which made it a difficult relationship, plus he got cancer and then he divorced me and died, which tore me up bad. I am now 4 years into my healing and ready to meet my last true love before I go home to Jesus. Thank you for sharing this. I am going to share it and bless it!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      You tell the straight story here that does include some of those grim realities and taking off the rose colored glasses to recognize that true soulmate as a real person rather than the fantasy we have heard....waiting!

    • profile image

      stalwartcbian 5 years ago

      Wow. I find this lens very helpful. I can relate myself with the content. Thanks very much for sharing.

    • profile image

      BeyondRoses 5 years ago

      I always thought of a soul-mate, as someone like oneself. It took a lot of years to find the love of my life ... he is my heartbeat. I always loved him, but the passing years tell the real love story. Lovely idea, and reflections on love...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am single, but do believe in the concept of a soul-mate! Beautifully done lens. :)

    • sidther lm profile image

      sidther lm 5 years ago

      Being around my husband helps me be a better "me" because I can relax and just go with the flow.

      This was great! I would love to feature this on one of my lenses

    • LikinTrikin LM profile image

      LikinTrikin LM 6 years ago

      What a wonderful lens. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of this. In answer to your question...Yes. I definitely have a soul mate story and I think I may have to save it for a new lens. Thanks for sharing all of this wonderful information. Faith

    • profile image

      SusanBlackburn 6 years ago

      I really enjoyed your lens! Your article about Unconditional Love is spot on... thank you!

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

      Well done lens

    • profile image

      miaponzo 6 years ago

      Thanks for all this information.. I'm going through the separation part right now. :(

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      Absolutely beautiful and an article which absolutely does deserve to be blessed. I hope many more people have the opportunity to stumble onto this wonderful article. It says so much. Best wishes.

    • profile image

      moonlitta 6 years ago

      Besides all people said, I love your design here...

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I do not have a story but I do love the Soul Mate and Twin Flames video, wonderful! Thank you for sharing all this insight, it is lovely

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Love and infatuation clearly explained with examples- very romantic.

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 6 years ago from Canada

      I love how you ended this article....so sweet. Have a wonderful Christmas.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Wow, great lens. You know, I really need to think this one over. I'll get back to you. Rose

    • profile image

      julieannbrady 6 years ago

      Gosh, not any more ... boo hoo ... but seriously! I wonder the debate of true love vs. infatuation if there would be an imbalance of women vs. men ... i.e., more women would say true love vs. men siding on the infatuation and animal attraction side. You know? Merry Christmas my dear!

    • RuthCoffee profile image

      RuthCoffee 6 years ago

      Love is far better than infatuation. That excitement when you first fall in love is great, but enduring love is, for me, far better.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      I recognized my husband walking down the street, before I met him.. and then when I did, it was like coming Home, like Self met Self, all separation dissolved; I was whole. I married him via the relief I felt in his presence. Unconditional love is a treasure that knows not space or time, limits or lines. It is our true nature, impeded only by conditions put on it's naturally occurring grace. I love talking about love... angel blessed

    • Ramkitten2000 profile image

      Deb Kingsbury 8 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      I found my soulmate--and I believe in such a thing (though I don't necessarily believe we each have just one--when I started focusing my life on things I enjoyed doing and that gave me personal satisfaction, rather than trying to conform to other people's likes and dislikes. My husband and I aren't exactly alike by ANY means, but we are in the ways that count.

      I enjoyed reading this lens. Well done!

    • Snozzle profile image

      Snozzle 8 years ago

      I'm not sure that there is such a thing as a soul mate and I'm saying that having been happily married for 25 years. We are a partnership with children but we are still individuals in our own rights.

      Interesting lens.

      Mike.

    • Jack2205 profile image
      Author

      Jack 8 years ago

      Thank you for the nice comments. I have lensrolled Soulmates: Are They For Real? to this lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      "You should be happy and fulfilled alone." So true, so true! And however you find a potential special someone, as you point out, it's a bad sign when the collective "puzzle pieces" of both people don't fit together naturally.

      Nice lens.