- Gender and Relationships
Love?—28 Signs It Might Not Be
You have been dating for many months and he has told you that he loves you. Now you find yourself wondering if this is actual love he is feeling, or maybe he says, "I love you" to every woman he dates? Could these three little words he used to woo you be his way of eventually controlling you? You may be thinking too much...or maybe not?
Although time will always tell the true nature of a man's intention, as women we want to rush the process. We tend to want a guy to be our boyfriend before really getting to know him. By doing this, we end up ignoring the oh-so obvious signs that "love" might not actually be what we are experiencing. Also the "love" he is sweetly proclaiming, might not be everlasting love or even love at all.
As you experience this indecisiveness, you question what a guy is really feeling towards you. Does he really love you? You will search everywhere for answers to your fairytale question. He loves me! Or, maybe not?
Women will look to horoscopes, psychics, friends and sometimes daisies—trying to decipher if a guy truly loves them, even though his actions are clearly speaking differently. I can't tell you how many times I've heard from a woman's mouth, "he said he loved me, so why has he stopped calling, texting, planning dates, making an effort to spend time together (etc., etc., etc.) so quickly? Because…it isn’t love.
Often, we are so desperate for love that we end up accepting the term, "I love you" with way more meaning than it deserves. We think we have seen proof of this proclaiming of love. Sometimes in reality, it is just what we are hoping for—this hope becomes reality in our heart of hearts.
Ladies, I've said this so many times....if a guy doesn't fully know you or takes the time to get to know you, then the "love" he is rambling on about is merely surface—a.k.a. Pedestal Syndrome (previous article) love.
Just because a man tells you he loves you, it doesn't mean that for him he views it with any significance. For some men, they find it very easy to say the words, "I love you," because for them it's a quick impulse. But, in reality, actions always speak louder than words—especially when it comes to how a guy truly feels about you.
Love can be expressed in many forms and different men will express their feelings in different ways....
There are some men who might not be comfortable saying the words "I love you," but will work hard at showing you each and every day. There are other men that when they do tell you that they love you, it's not something they feel the need to repeat on a daily basis—instead they will do the little things that count—giving you their coat when it's cold, dropping you off at the entrance when it raining or getting up to grab the server at a restaurant when you need something.
Many men will take their time saying the words, "I love you," but once they do there is so much sincerity behind it—making them want to sing it from the rooftops so that everyone will hear. Lastly, there are those who will tell you that they love you as easy as saying "hello." Since these words fall off their lips so easily, it shows in the manner (or lack of) how they ultimately end up treating you—and your heart
I've had more men than I can count tell me that they loved me in less than a week of knowing me. Yikes! It doesn't make me feel special, in fact it's more of a curse, and has definitely made me jaded when I hear a guy speak those words so freely. Sooner is not always better, especially in less than a months’ time of dating me. Even if those words have been spoken after several months, I have learned that's it's not about the words and hearing them over and over again—it's about the way a guy is treating me. Is he communicating with me? Does he support my passions and dreams? Is he loyal? Does he speak to me with kind and loving words? Does he treat me with respect? Is he working on building a future with me? OR, without me? And, do my family and friends like him?
Words mean nothing if a guy is treating you poorly...Period!
If you listen to your heart and the actions that are being displayed, you don't need a psychic to tell you if a guy loves you or ever will. There are usually some tell-tale signs that it might not be love if after several months of dating:
25 Signs That It Might Not Be Love
1. You have to ask a psychic
2. He hasn't introduced you to his family—parents, siblings, cousins, etc., and they live in the same state as you.
3. He never spends the night.
4. He tells you he misses you, but won't make time to see you for weeks on end......but finds time to see friends, family and workout, etc.
5. He consistently breaks plans you have together never giving you a make-up date.
6. He treats you disrespectfully in private and/or in front of his friends.
7. He takes a lot of trips with friends and family, but doesn't plan a trip with you.
8. He stops making an effort.
9. When anything difficult is happening he disappears out of your life.
10. You are low on his priority list.
11. Invitations to events come up (months in advance)—he never invites you.
12. Communication lessens—he call less, text more, and eventually texts less.
13. When you are clearly upset he never validates what you are feeling, but expects you to understand and validate what he is feeling (double standard).
14. You have never been to his home.
15. His actions have gone from consistent to inconsistent, but yet he tells you there is nothing wrong.
16. He hits you—need I say more?
17. When you’re sick he doesn't offer to do anything—bring you soup, cold/flu medicine or come see you.
18. He hasn't told his family that he is in a relationship with you—and he’s very close to them.
19. He's never there for you when you need him—death, crisis, etc.
20. He expects you to Always come to his house—never willing to come to yours.
21. He knows the things that upset you, but still continues to do them anyway.
22. Everything revolves around him—when you see him, talk to him, or when you are intimate together.
23. He wants an open relationship.
24. His actions are clearly not paving a future with you in it.
25. He knows your insecurities and doesn’t protect them.
26. He continually puts you on the back burner to other more important things that come up in his life.
27. He expects you to go out of your way for him, but he won't go out of his way for you.
28. When you end the relationship—because his actions have been opposite of his words, he doesn’t fight to keep you—instead he lets you walk away.
As with all my lists, if several things are resonating with you, you might need to reevaluate if it's really love. If you are paying attention to his actions, you will spend less time being mesmerized by his meaningless words and realize that there is love—mostly for himself.
Ladies, love should not be so complicated and confusing, if it is indeed true love. Yes, there will be some ups and downs—relationships aren't always going to be easy or perfect. You both need to invest a certain amount of effort. The right relationship will feel less like work and more like working towards a goal of building a future together. Pay attention to how he is treating you, if the way he treats you doesn't match up to his "loving" words, you more than likely may be wasting your time.
Bottom line, in love, you should value one another, have open communication, respect and trust. Most of all, his love for you will be seen in his actions—which should speak just as loud, if not louder than his words of love.
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