ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Love Addiction: Characteristics and Signs of a Love Addict

Updated on April 3, 2017

Many people don’t know a person can be addicted to love. It is a fact many people don’t know it exists. Many are accustomed to addictions of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes including sex.

Love addiction can be likened to sex addiction. A sex addict is a person who feels the need and desire to do sex. It doesn’t matter to the sex addict who he/she ‘sleeps’ with as long as his/her sexual pleasure is satisfied. If sexual intercourse is hard to get by or doesn’t fulfill, the addict will resort to watching pornographic materials, fantasizing or masturbating.

What is love addiction? In reality, it is hard to define this type of addiction. By nature we are all lovers and need to be loved. There is nothing wrong with wanting to love or to be loved. The human existence has been able to survive for long due to love that has bound people together. This is what is referred to as general love or Agape love; the normal love for people irrespective of their race, language or religion.

There is the second type of love which is specific loves. These are loves which are directed to specific people for different reasons. There is the parental love and romantic love to name a few.

You cannot force someone to love you neither can you force yourself to love someone. A love addict wants to be loved which we have seen is a normal thing. The problem lies with the addict wanting to be loved even when it is clear the person she wants to love her doesn’t love her. Her life is spent searching for a person to love her so she can feel she is loved. There is something compelling her to fall in love with people who in most cases are out of her league. The most important thing to the love addict is to feel a sense of belongingness or security. When she falls in love, the love she has for her partner is not real love but a fantasized one.

As noted above it is very hard to define love addiction. You can think of love addiction as love that has cross-bordered the love itself. Love in itself is fulfilling and it will show itself. However, if you force yourself to love someone or someone to love you or something is pushing you to love someone; then it is not true love.

Ann Smith of Healthy Connections notes it is very difficult to define this addiction. She says, “Love addiction is a little harder to define simply because by nature we are all addicted to love – meaning we want it, seek it and have a hard time not thinking about it. We need attachment to survive and we instinctively seek connection, especially romantic connection. There is nothing dysfunctional about wanting love.” She explains love addiction is “…a compulsive, chronic craving and/or pursuit of romantic love in an effort to get our sense of security and worth from another person. The negative consequences can be severe and yet the love addict continues to hang on the belief that the love will fix everything.”

A love addict may think he is in love with someone when she falls in love but in reality it is not true love. The reason is because something is compelling her to love somebody not that it comes naturally from her heart. Even if the relationship she is in comes to an end, she will try to find another person to love her. All she wants is to be loved in order to fill what she lacked during her growing years. This is well noted by Good Drug Guide who term ‘love addiction’ as a bit misnomer. “Love addicts,” it states, “aren’t really in love with the person who is the object of their affection. Instead, the addiction surrounds a series of compulsive actions that the person is unable to stop.”

Source

Characteristics of Love Addicts

Some of the below characteristics also serve as signs. Most of the following characteristics borders on love itself.

  • She falls in love quickly and easily.
  • She cannot help herself falling in love.
  • In most instances, a love addict always falls in love with someone who isn’t committed in the relationship. More often than not, the love addict always hope the relationship will turn out better when in fact her partner is not in love with her.
  • A love addict finds it hard to let go of her partner.
  • The love addict fears being abandoned.
  • A love addict falls in love with a wrong person for wrong reasons. Some of the reasons compelling the addict to fall in love include to feel a sense of security and not to feel lonely.
  • In most of these relationships the love addict is the only one in love.

Source
  • A love addict falls in love with a person whom her eyes have initially set on. The addict doesn’t take time to get to know whether the person she has fallen in love with is right for her or not.
  • A love addict foregoes the warning signs the person she has fallen in love isn’t the right person for her. Even if she knows the person is a playboy she will bypass the warning signal because she is afraid to remain alone - not in a relationship meaning she will not be loved which is the most important thing she’s seeking after.
  • Even if her ex is in another relationship, the sex addict will pursue her ex in order to win his love for her.
  • She always agrees to whatever her partner tells her. She fears being dumped.
  • She does all she can to please her partner at the expense of herself. She’ll sacrifice her needs and wants in order to cater for the needs and wants of her partner.
  • She always stalks her partner to ensure he doesn’t flirt with other ladies and so on. If her partner is already an ex (and possibly in another relationship), she will stalk him. Most of her time is soent stalking.
  • A love addict is jealous and possessive. It is normal to be jealous when you’re in a relationship and possessive. Nonetheless, in the case of a love addict it is jealous that has gone overboard including being too possessive.

  • A love addict is always obsessed in finding a new love. If she is single she will spend most of her time pursuing love.
  • Even if the partner is abusive (and possibly they don’t have children) the addict will still remain in the relationship.
  • A love addict feels as if her world has come to an end when the relationship ends.
  • A love addict is the one who is so much involved in ensuring the relationship doesn’t come to an end, even in situations where it’s evident the relationship cannot survive. She will do her best to fix the relationship including sacrificing her needs and wants for her partner’s needs and wants.

Characteristics of Addictive Love

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 months ago

      I suppose it's a thin line between being a "love addict" and a "fatal attraction. Some people don't feel whole unless they are in a relationship. Others feel being (single/unattached) is to be viewed with pity. They'd rather have a bad relationship than to not have one at all.

      "You cannot force someone to love you neither can you force yourself to love someone. " - Very true!

      And yet we have products, best selling books, and articles written telling people they CAN do all these things!

      Pheromones to make them fall "in love" with you, The Engagement Chicken Recipe, Magic spells and potions, prayers, books with titles like; "How to Get Him to Commit" and so on.

      In fact on many levels people want whatever doesn't come (easy) for them. A woman going through a "bad boy" phase will deliberately overlook "nice guys".

      You can stick such a woman in a room with five guys where four them have dropped to their knees extending their heart out to her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she doesn't exist.

      That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's a mystery, a challenge, someone who will make her (earn) his time and affection. She has to prove to herself she can have him. Maybe there is a connection between love addiction & ego.

      Essentially the other person is nothing more than a "prop" to make them feel good about themselves.

      While we can point to various childhood situations and parental love or lack of as being factors we also cannot overlook "Romance novels, Fairytales, and Hollywood movies) as planting the seeds of unrealistic expectations in people.

      Many little girls for instance in the U.S. are giving baby dolls to "take care" of and nurture before they themselves can talk. They're wearing a princess dress, decorated Ken & Barbie's playhouse, making cakes in the "Easy Bake Oven" and being read stories about the Knight in Shinning Armor or handsome prince who sweeps the young maiden off her feet to live happily ever after. Most women have been practicing being mothers and wives since they were age 5.

      Is it any wonder that some of them may feel a sense of desperation as the years roll by with no marriage date in sight?

      Ever see an online dating profile that says: "I'm looking to settle down" or "Seeking a (serious) marriage minded mate. No games..." They're really more concern about their relationship status than (getting to know) people.

      The reality is (the person) you are dating should be the reason why you suddenly want to get married!

      Anyone who has thoughts of marriage before meeting someone is likely made it a goal to marry the "next one" not the "right one".

      A normal "healthy relationship" (evolves) over time.

      You can't say by 3rd month we should be saying "I love you", after 6 months we should be planning to move in together, After one year of living together we should become engaged..etc

      And yet if it's not happening "according to (their) plan" the relationships "is not going anywhere". Ultimatum time!

      Ironically some women will do everything short of making a marriage proposal. They say that want it to be the "man's idea".

      In my opinion an "ultimatum" is a marriage proposal. LOL!

      The difference between love addicts and other addictions is many of them are concerned about how they look to society.