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How to Deal with Situationships

Updated on May 13, 2015

Situationships. A new term for an old type of relationship. No one wants to talk about them because they don't want to admit that they've allowed themselves to 'settle' into one. If you are in a situationship, don't beat yourself up. You've come to the right place. First off, let's define exactly what a situationship is. It's the grey area between a committed,healthy relationship and being "just friends". It is more than 'friends with benefits" yet less that Facebook-official worthy. If you find yourself constantly explaining to people that "it's complicated" or "we have an understanding", it's likely that you have landed yourself into a situationship. If you're constantly unsure whether or not you have a right to be jealous or expect certain things from your "partner", that's another sure sign. But most of all, if you have no idea whether to introduce this person as "my friend (insert name here)" or something else, you're definitely in a situationship. But don't worry! Now that we've established that you're in one, here are some tips on where to go from here.

#1. Decide what you really want. Staying in this situation may seem "safe" because you technically "can't get hurt" since you're "not really committed". Trust me. Eventually one of you will find someone else or leave the situation because it's no longer convenient. Therefore, staying in this "safe" place will eventually lead to heartbreak. Putting it off will only makes things worse so decide now if you want to be just friends or if you want this relationship to move forward into a long-term relationship.#2. Communicate. You have to tell your "other" about the decision you made and see how they feel about the subject. In a perfect world, they will want the exact same thing as you and you will both live happily ever after. However, we unfortunately live in the real world so you have to be prepared to accept that they may want much more...or much less, than you do. I'm not going to lie to you-be prepared to get your heart broken. What matters most is that you leave this conversation with both parties knowing exactly what the other wants-no more grey areas allowed. And finally, #3. Stick to it. It's so easy to feel lost when you no longer have someone to text all the time. It's hard to deal with no longer having someone whisper sweet nothings to you or consistently check up on you. You're going to want to hit them up and pick up where you left off-especially if you know they still have some feelings for you. Do your best to avoid this temptation. It's only kicking an old can down the same road-you'll eventually have to pick it up. The sooner you accept that this situationship is going nowhere, the sooner you can move on and find someone who will not wait to make you theirs. They will finally treat you the way you deserve and make you feel like the special treasure that you are. It's going to be hard, but it's also going to be worth it. Good luck!


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    • Imani Jane profile image

      Imani Jane 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for that! I appreciate the words of wisdom :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      It's so easy to go on "auto-pilot" in various stages of relationships.

      As a child I can recall elderly people introducing "their friend" to family members at BBQs and so on. Now that I'm an adult I'm sure those "friendships" weren't strictly platonic! LOL!

      I imagine there are many seniors who'd be very happy and content to have "Situationships" which pose no threat to their finances or wishes to pass down money to family members. After all they are either widows or widowers and even possibly divorced. They've been there, done that.

      Young men also aren't likely to complain about "Situationships" especially if it involves sex with no strings attached. Of course there are those who do become emotionally attached to girls that enjoy playing the field. Sometimes people want the thing they can't have the most!

      Having said that I suppose it's young women who still have their sites set on marriage who have the most difficult time with "Situationships"

      Initially it was fun and easy to pass the time while pursing a career or finishing school. A year or two blows by and they realize they have made no room or time to find their "ideal mate". Mr. "Right Now" is taking up their time.

      The worst case scenario is they are in love with him or her but this person is very content with the way things are. In essence it's the "friend zone" with sex! Whenever two people realize they no longer want the same thing it's best to move on as you suggested.

      However I would say don't make out like the other person is the "bad guy". It's not their fault that you decided you needed or wanted more.

      Having said that every serious relationship I have had began casually and (evolved) into something serious. It takes time to get to know someone. Chemistry and other factors elevate one person over another.

      Just because a guy and girl are looking to get married doesn't mean they'd be perfect for each other. And yet people often will say: "I'm looking for someone who is ready to settle down."

      The goal should be to find someone who wants to settle down with (you) and not simply because you were the next person to cross their path!:)