Love Lists: Do You and Your Spouse Have Them?

I read in a book once that to add romance to a marriage or any long-term relationship; it is helpful when each person writes down ten things that make the other person feel loved, and then exchange them. My husband and I did this but because I am an overachiever, I wrote more than 10, and fortunately, so did he. These lists can consist of things that you do for each other, as well as things that you haven't done for each other...yet, but that would make you feel loved. Having this list takes a lot of the guesswork out of what makes the other person happy. No mind reading necessary...it's all laid out in black and white.

I spoke with some friends and here are some of the things that make them feel loved:

For Women:

* Hearing the words "I love you."

* Being affectionate by holding hands, a hug for no reason, etc. without expecting anything in return

* Receiving flowers for no special reason...just because he was thinking of me

* When he draws me a warm bath with a glass of wine now and then

* When he plans a surprise vacation for us

* When he takes me out to dinner

* When HE makes dinner

* When he takes the kids for the afternoon or a day

* When he calls to see if there is anything I need him to bring home on the way home from work

* When he suggests we rent a movie or go to a movie that I want to see

* When he holds the door for me when we go somewhere together

* When he opens the car door for me

* When he calls me from work just to say hello or that he has been thinking about me

For Men:

* When she holds my hand when we are driving in the car

* A touch or a kiss during the day as we pass each other

* When she watches a sports show or game on TV with me even if she's not interested

* When she brings me a cold drink when I'm working outside mowing the lawn in the heat

* When she rubs the back of my neck when I am driving long distances

* When she stays up and talks to me when I am driving long distances

* When she suggests I play golf with a friend on a Saturday

* When she greets me at the door after work

Long-term relationships can sometimes get a bit stale. Having this "cheat sheet" handy is a good way to add that spark when the fires are dying down a bit. Of course, it's understandable that after a few years, your relationship may not be as passionate as it was when you were dating, or first married. It's not all that romantic to live with someone day in and day out and see them in the morning, maybe with no makeup on, hair all this way and that, or in a pair of sweats and old t-shirt with holes. But, the smoldering embers of a fire still carry a lot of heat, so it's great when they are periodically stirred up by a lover's thoughtful deeds or words.

Copyright by Karen Hellier, 2013