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Love Lists: Do You and Your Spouse Have Them?

Updated on October 12, 2017
Karen Hellier profile image

Karen Hellier is a freelance writer and eBay entrepreneur. She happily lives in the mountains of North Georgia with her husband and her dog.


I read in a book once that to add romance to a marriage or any long-term relationship; it is helpful when each person writes down ten things that make the other person feel loved, and then exchange them. My husband and I did this but because I am an overachiever, I wrote more than 10, and fortunately, so did he. These lists can consist of things that you do for each other, as well as things that you haven't done for each other...yet, but that would make you feel loved. Having this list takes a lot of the guesswork out of what makes the other person happy. No mind reading's all laid out in black and white.

I spoke with some friends and here are some of the things that make them feel loved:

For Women:

* Hearing the words "I love you."

* Being affectionate by holding hands, a hug for no reason, etc. without expecting anything in return

* Receiving flowers for no special reason...just because he was thinking of me

* When he draws me a warm bath with a glass of wine now and then

* When he plans a surprise vacation for us

* When he takes me out to dinner

* When HE makes dinner

* When he takes the kids for the afternoon or a day

* When he calls to see if there is anything I need him to bring home on the way home from work

* When he suggests we rent a movie or go to a movie that I want to see

* When he holds the door for me when we go somewhere together

* When he opens the car door for me

* When he calls me from work just to say hello or that he has been thinking about me

For Men:

* When she holds my hand when we are driving in the car

* A touch or a kiss during the day as we pass each other

* When she watches a sports show or game on TV with me even if she's not interested

* When she brings me a cold drink when I'm working outside mowing the lawn in the heat

* When she rubs the back of my neck when I am driving long distances

* When she stays up and talks to me when I am driving long distances

* When she suggests I play golf with a friend on a Saturday

* When she greets me at the door after work

Long-term relationships can sometimes get a bit stale. Having this "cheat sheet" handy is a good way to add that spark when the fires are dying down a bit. Of course, it's understandable that after a few years, your relationship may not be as passionate as it was when you were dating, or first married. It's not all that romantic to live with someone day in and day out and see them in the morning, maybe with no makeup on, hair all this way and that, or in a pair of sweats and old t-shirt with holes. But, the smoldering embers of a fire still carry a lot of heat, so it's great when they are periodically stirred up by a lover's thoughtful deeds or words.

Copyright by Karen Hellier, 2013

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Even going to a simple restaurant like Applebee's is a nice break from  making a meal.
Even going to a simple restaurant like Applebee's is a nice break from making a meal.

© 2013 Karen Hellier


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    • Karen Hellier profile image

      Karen Hellier 4 years ago from Georgia


      You're welcome for sharing. Being in love makes me very creative! And that makes for a better relationship.

    • khmazz profile image

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Great idea! This is so touching, heart felt, and romantic! I believe in having complete open communication in my relationship and this would be one more tool to help in that matter! Thanks for sharing such a fantastic concept!

    • Karen Hellier profile image

      Karen Hellier 4 years ago from Georgia


      You and I are both fortunate women! Thanks for stopping by.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      How beautiful and romantic! You two look so happy together and are inspiration for all readers. Love your ideas, especially of the men's... thanks for the suggestions. I am blessed with a wonderful man who does all those sweet little things just to show me he still loves me. Voted way up!

    • Karen Hellier profile image

      Karen Hellier 4 years ago from Georgia


      You are right, and as a marriage moves along over the years, it's the little things that are the first to go.

    • Karen Hellier profile image

      Karen Hellier 4 years ago from Georgia


      Yes, well a lot of people think we are corny for doing things like this, but you are right, it does go a long way to making our marriage happier.

    • Kejanny profile image

      Kejanny 4 years ago from Port Moresby

      The thirteen things you listed for women are all true. Its these little things that make a big difference in a marriage and love relationship. Great hub.

    • Careermommy profile image

      Tirralan Watkins 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Very nice Karen. My husband and I have made our lists before on what we love about each other and it goes a long way in a marriage. I think this is a great idea, and I love that you and your husband do this!