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Love. Time. Eternity: Lt 2
I learned a new word tonight... Betwixt! Okay, okay, so I actually already knew what this word meant but I hadn't used it until this night. It's funny how a story, or letter can develop over a series of days, weeks or even months. Like when I refer to “tonight” that means something completely different to you. So what if I try something new? I will explain exactly what it means to me...
“…this was it. This was, or is, errr..will be; exactly the perfect family I've always wanted! I guess seeing this was suppose to enlighten me. But all I could focus on was the feelings. I walked into a daybreak lit kitchen with an open patio. Just in front of the doors leading to the back yard was the most beautiful woman on the planet. She was kneeling. It was Savvy. I knew because of the pace at which my heart quickened when she was near. I was feeling a new emotion, it was more then love. It was mixed with compassion and pride. But why? Then as I walked in closer, I saw the most curious little shoes that Savvy was tying. Attached to those little shoes, were little legs and little arms. It was a little girl. But wait this was my little girl! I flushed with instant happiness and joy in that moment. I saw this adorable little angel in her little pink slicker coat and little pink hat. I knew her, but yet I had never met her before. She was ours. Something so pure came from me and Savvy. But I wasn't surprised, after all it was the woman of my dreams that helped me make a life. The scene skipped for a moment but only to suddenly see myself standing at the door watching as my daughter Adele came racing down the stairs and out the back door. She was dressed in colorful wind breaker and her hair bobbing in a ponytail as she pranced through the door with a wide smile on her face. Something just touched my heart in that second as I looked at her smile. It felt as if she was home... but not just home as our house. It was as if she finally felt complete, her dream had come true as well. I never realized it more then now that my daughter Adele had been missing something big her whole life. She wanted to feel complete, she wanted a real family. I turned out the door and Adele was already out playing in the rain, holding her arms out and spinning. Just atop the stairs of the patio awaited my love Savvy. She looked at me for a moment tilted her head to the side and smiled so sweet-like. Then she held out her hand towards me and playfully said, “come on!”. I pushed the door shut and took her hand. Her other hand was occupied by the small tender fingers of my little baby girl in pink. I looked at her once more as I walked to the other side of her and held onto her tiny little hand. I saw just this cute little munchkin with flowing blonde hair tucked into that little pink hat. She must have only been a year old or so. But what a smart girl, already walking and laughing and loving the rain. Just like her mom, and her dad. Savvy won't admit it, but she loves the outdoors. She loves nature and scenery. Granted she often times prefers them from a distance but it felt like in this moment she had finally gotten comfortable with nature. She seemed excited to be out in the rain. We grabbed our little munchkins hands and walked with her slowly down the steps. Just as we got to the last one we both picked her up by her hands and she jumped with a giggle into the grass. The purest laughter echoed through me. My other daughter Adele still trying to catch rain drops in her mouth. My beautiful Savvy nearly drenched by the rain. Her wet hair giving a slight curly as it strayed down her face. We looked up at each other, eyes locked. Rain dripping down our cheeks. I felt that lost feeling again. I remember thinking that I have a home, I have two beautiful daughters and a wife I am utterly in love with. And yet I feel that lost in bliss feeling still. In the next few moments I realized what that feeling meant. My little girl tugged slightly at my pant leg as she attempted to walk through the grass on her own. So small yet so brave, she was ready to take on the world. Reminded me of her mom, Savvy. But the image turned and there I face my Savvy again. But this time I am walking towards her. I put both hands around her waist as she rests her arms around my neck. Soaked, dripping, but warm. I laid my forehead against hers, looked so deep into her eyes. I whispered something to her. But there was no sound to be heard. She blushed slightly with a big smile. She pursed and sort of bit her lower lip, then a faint glint in her eyes as she stared back into mine. I leaned in eyes closing and felt the cool rain touching my lips as I touched hers. We kissed like it was the first time, I felt the soft warmth of her skin against mine. And we swayed, we began to dance. The scene slipped back and I saw all of us. A rain soaked family dancing, all of us playing as if we never seen rain before. This was a perfect future, except it felt as if it were the past. Either way, I craved it to be mine forever...”
It goes without saying that I was in a very descriptive dream. But if you could only see it, feel it. I swear it is like you are looking into a mirror of what is already happening. This is what “tonight” is to me, what it feels like. Because every day that Savvy is part of my life, the nights are that much more incredible.
Savvy told me once that she feels safer with me than anyone. I am no superman, but I cherish this woman with my life. And I show it, I let her know how I feel, I let her know what she means to me. And with all that, I listen to every word she says. Every Word! So yeah, I should be who she feels safe with. I won't be modest about this one, I take full claim at being the one she can take comfort in. “Two souls are never one without the bond of safe keeping.” I am sure that quote is out there somewhere. But it never was more real than now. You can't expect life to make this simple, so that is why I am here. I will fight back with everything I have, to make Savvy, Adele, and my little pink munchkins lives the safest, most comfortably, happy life they can ever have. This is my vow, and the day I ask for Savvy's hand in marriage is the day I will repeat my words.
“A heart in stone chambers the strongest secrets, a vulnerable heart claims the rights of passage to a happy ending.”