Love and healing within cops and citizens
Choice and thoughts that change the world
When I heard my friend say a group of black cops died, small tears formed in my heart. I felt a small yet powerful devastation, yet the coldness and numbness shocks me. How could I be so objective, and carefree, so unaware, and shamefully uninterested in the lives of these people. Each person has a family, they have a story, years and years of memories that are not mine, but some mothers, or fathers, or a sister, or brother, or a friend.
Looking back now, it makes me angry and disturbed, and I can feel the pain, struggling to let itself be felt. But something blocks it, and I can't seem to find it, except through the death of others, or the complete destruction of ones humanity and life.
When fear is no longer needed.
I can't seem to smile though, at the hopefulness of what life has to offer, and why it is precisely so devastating. Because life is so beautiful, and we all deserve to live a happy and rich life. A full joyful and complete life. That these lives are taken away and that families need bear the shame and guilt of not loving their children enough, even if they did everything they could, even if they loved best.
I want to understand these friends and family. They are my own, and they are a part of me, and this is the only way to live. As the tears start to fade away, and smiles start to fill my heart, I want to share this love with the whole world, and I know the world can feel it. I just know, and its a faith that is unbreakable. No death, no killing, no murder, no shame, no guilt, no powerlessness can EVER take away this faith, EVER. And thats why the tears stay in my heart, and thats why the sun will always shine. Thats why I will keep trying, and thats why I will stay strong. For you, and for me.
So I am going to change today, I am going to change my ideas of imperfection, of ugliness, of fat, of hate, I am going to change my thoughts about anger and my shame.
I am going to go to sleep in a perfect state of bliss, knowing that the world and I are perfect.
That is why we smile, despite the horror, confusion, and our ideas.
We must love and continue on.
That is why they did it.
We must believe this.
It is our choice.