ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

Love is Not A Competition

Updated on April 27, 2016
The first kiss in a relationship is special.
The first kiss in a relationship is special.

Disclaimer: This is not an how to article on resolving relationship problems. These are my opinions which are not supported by any studies, tests or scientific theories.

I am writing this article from a woman's point of view.

I decided take the plunge and write this article after I had an informal, casual, non-romantic lunch with someone (a young man) who I met recently.

He and I talked about a lot of different topics. Among the variety of subjects was the insightful discussion on why it is difficult sometimes for men and women to connect, especially when one of them would like to take their relationship to the next level.

The question is --Why are so many men intimidated by women? There, I laid it out for you. This is what my article will be about -- Why are some men so afraid of women and relationships?

Competition in the "Love" Place

Let's start off with the true definition of competition. I define competition as action that takes place when someone tries to win, or perform better in areas than yourself. In other words, if you are in a race, they may want to run or drive faster than you. Another example is if you are on a question and answer game show, they may want to answer more questions than you. The key is you (the female) are the focal point of the competitor.

Of course, in order to be in a competition, you must put yourself out there. For instance, you cannot compete in a marathon by not entering the race. You cannot win a beauty contest by simply watching beauty contests. You must put yourself out there to compete and become part of the game.


Becoming part of the game holds true for relationships as well. To be in a relationship, you must be able to connect with someone in order for it to develop and blossom.

Meeting for the first time

Meeting someone for the first time can be so memorable that sometimes it may seem like you are in a fairytale. You remember the first look, the first Hello ... your first kiss. And on the lighter side, you may remember when you laughed together at the same funny part in a movie etc. Ahhhh..... those sweet, shared moments together.

What happens next in a relationship?

Usually you begin talking to each other about your family, your background and here's the kicker! You begin to talk about the type work you do -- without all the details about your earnings, etc. Just casual talk about what you do if you are working, whether you have a career or own your business.

The Silence Prevails

If you are in a profession that pays relatively well -- and you casually mention that you work at this or that firm at this or that location, there will probably be a long silence -- especially if you mentioned your source of income first, before he did.

The look from your competitor

Next comes the look, and you can recognize the look of a competitor! The look asks -- "Now how am I supposed to top that?"

My question is why do you think you have to top anything? Is this a game we are playing? If so, let me know the name of the game so I can read the rules!

Will he call you?

The Response

Normally, the conversation veers off in another direction or to a different topic. You finish having lunch or dinner together, you go home and wait for your phone call. Which by the way -- never comes!

Why he doesn't call

This is where we get in the meat of the relationship "game." Even though I had an inkling of what was going on, I wanted to hear what I thought directly from this very polite, even if I should say so myself, young man. So if my informal lunch partner (not a date) is reading this, thank you for being so polite and straightforward in your answers.

Why do the calls cease, or never come in the first place. What is the culprit? In a word he told me ...... "Intimidation."

How to get around that?

When you find out, let me know. It's a question that has been asked for years, and probably will be asked for many years to come. Maybe the answer is, you don't have to get around anything.

Enjoy your relationship

In the meantime, enjoy the relationship(s) that you have. Remember, those relationships that didn't quite develop for whatever reason, were just not meant to be in the first place. This may sound like a cop out, but it's the best answer I can give you for now.

To the nice young gentleman: Thanks for your help in confirming for me what I knew deep down was true all along.



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • courtlneygdtm profile image

      courtlneygdtm 5 years ago from United States


      Thanks for your comments and for voting up and interesting!


    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      Interesting. To be honest, for a good partner, you really need an equal. If you deeply intimidate someone, chances are it would not be a good match anyway. For most of the time my partner and I have been together, my partner earned more and holds a higher position than me. However, do I feel insecure? Do I feel I need to beat her? Hell no, I'm just proud of what she has achieved in her career. I am quite content with where I am at in my life.

      Socially sharing, up and interesting.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello,dear problem. It is always my pleasure to visit with a talented, creative person as yourself. You surely know more about life than I do. My life would make a great Stephen King movie...but I don't want to reveal the plot yet. LOL. Anyway...just keep on writing and thank you for being my Friend and Follower. That made my Christmas better. I hate to sound corny, but when the heart speaks, you speak. Kenneth

    • courtlneygdtm profile image

      courtlneygdtm 5 years ago from United States

      kenneth avery,

      I appreciate you stopping by and for your comments!


    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear courtney, YOU are welcome. You deserved them. And the voting was a natural debate. Your writing is a guaranteed-Up and Everything style of hubbing. I LOVE IT.////Kenneth

    • courtlneygdtm profile image

      courtlneygdtm 5 years ago from United States

      kenneth avery,

      Thanks for your comments and for voting up!


    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      12/18/2011 early, 12:59 a.m./cst

      Hi, courtlneygdtm, GREAT read here. Loved every well-written word. Voted up and all the way. A must-read for couples. Honest. a textbook hub. I truly admire your flair for writing. So much so that I am a fan and a follower. I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and invite you to check my hubs if you need a good laugh. And I WOULD DEARLY love for you to be a follower of mine. That would be wonderful. I would even write a hub to thank you. Sincerely, Kenneth Avery, from Hamilton, a small northwest Alabama town that looks like Mayberry from the Andy Griffith Show. I will look for you. And keep up the wonderful hubs.

    • courtlneygdtm profile image

      courtlneygdtm 6 years ago from United States


      Thanks for your comment and for voting up!


    • Darknlovely3436 profile image

      Annie 6 years ago from NewYork

      interesting from one woman to another vote up