Love is Not A Competition
Disclaimer: This is not an how to article on resolving relationship problems. These are my opinions which are not supported by any studies, tests or scientific theories.
I am writing this article from a woman's point of view.
I decided take the plunge and write this article after I had an informal, casual, non-romantic lunch with someone (a young man) who I met recently.
He and I talked about a lot of different topics. Among the variety of subjects was the insightful discussion on why it is difficult sometimes for men and women to connect, especially when one of them would like to take their relationship to the next level.
The question is --Why are so many men intimidated by women? There, I laid it out for you. This is what my article will be about -- Why are some men so afraid of women and relationships?
Competition in the "Love" Place
Let's start off with the true definition of competition. I define competition as action that takes place when someone tries to win, or perform better in areas than yourself. In other words, if you are in a race, they may want to run or drive faster than you. Another example is if you are on a question and answer game show, they may want to answer more questions than you. The key is you (the female) are the focal point of the competitor.
Of course, in order to be in a competition, you must put yourself out there. For instance, you cannot compete in a marathon by not entering the race. You cannot win a beauty contest by simply watching beauty contests. You must put yourself out there to compete and become part of the game.
Becoming part of the game holds true for relationships as well. To be in a relationship, you must be able to connect with someone in order for it to develop and blossom.
Meeting for the first time
Meeting someone for the first time can be so memorable that sometimes it may seem like you are in a fairytale. You remember the first look, the first Hello ... your first kiss. And on the lighter side, you may remember when you laughed together at the same funny part in a movie etc. Ahhhh..... those sweet, shared moments together.
What happens next in a relationship?
Usually you begin talking to each other about your family, your background and here's the kicker! You begin to talk about the type work you do -- without all the details about your earnings, etc. Just casual talk about what you do if you are working, whether you have a career or own your business.
The Silence Prevails
If you are in a profession that pays relatively well -- and you casually mention that you work at this or that firm at this or that location, there will probably be a long silence -- especially if you mentioned your source of income first, before he did.
The look from your competitor
Next comes the look, and you can recognize the look of a competitor! The look asks -- "Now how am I supposed to top that?"
My question is why do you think you have to top anything? Is this a game we are playing? If so, let me know the name of the game so I can read the rules!
Will he call you?
Normally, the conversation veers off in another direction or to a different topic. You finish having lunch or dinner together, you go home and wait for your phone call. Which by the way -- never comes!
Why Doesn't He Call?
Why he doesn't call
This is where we get in the meat of the relationship "game." Even though I had an inkling of what was going on, I wanted to hear what I thought directly from this very polite, even if I should say so myself, young man. So if my informal lunch partner (not a date) is reading this, thank you for being so polite and straightforward in your answers.
Why do the calls cease, or never come in the first place. What is the culprit? In a word he told me ...... "Intimidation."
How to get around that?
When you find out, let me know. It's a question that has been asked for years, and probably will be asked for many years to come. Maybe the answer is, you don't have to get around anything.
Enjoy your relationship
In the meantime, enjoy the relationship(s) that you have. Remember, those relationships that didn't quite develop for whatever reason, were just not meant to be in the first place. This may sound like a cop out, but it's the best answer I can give you for now.
To the nice young gentleman: Thanks for your help in confirming for me what I knew deep down was true all along.