Love is a jar of peanut butter
I have been blessed abundantly above what I could ask or think.
What have I been blessed with?
People. Amazing people.
I have spent a large portion of my life feeling alone. I have had a lot of emotional struggles in my life and often I am deceived into believing no one really cares.
I have faced life with an I can handle this, I don't need help, attitude. Truly though, I need help, I need help a lot. We all do. We are weak fragile creatures. What we need most, is
Love is not just saying I love you, Love is not just giving money to the poor, Love is not just a quick cliche said in a time of crisis, Love is action. I found love, In a family sized Jar of peanut butter.
Let me explain
I have schizo-affective disorder, and many times I feel like mental illnesses are left out of the sick and in need of help category. You know, some folks take sick people soup to their house, They ask, Are you feeling better, etc. But with mental illness there is a lot of the attitude of When are they gonna get over it, we all have bad days, we all have rough times, etc. Sick people need help, and, I felt left out of that, and I have many times cried thinking about it actually. I feel alone often times in my darkest of times. I have people that genuinely love me, but it's so hard for me to see sometimes. I am blinded by my past hurts, and I don't want to be blind anymore.
My wonderful church family at First Apostolic Church in Nashville have helped me in amazing ways. They have led me to a greater journey with Jesus, and have loved me through some very hard times. I have had people come get me when I ran out of gas and put some in my tank, I have had people give me rides when I needed them, I have had food given to me from the food bank on numerous occasions, People constantly bragging on me, telling me they are proud, they tell me they are thankful for me, they tell me they appreciate me. They have stayed at the altar with me when I was the only one left. These people have cried real tears with me at the altar, tears running freely down their faces crying out to God on my behalf. Encouragement is abundant. Kindness is overwhelming, and love is plentiful. But the most loved I have ever felt, happened just about 30 minutes ago.
I have been running really low on food, I have some canned good, but the fridge and freezer are bare. Peanut butter has always been my go to food, when I had nothing else, I had peanut butter. So I ran out, and I have been so wrapped up in my emotions this week I was going into the store to buy some creamer and toilet paper, and I was going to buy peanut butter, but I forgot. I had to get some gas, and some dog and cat food, so, the money was gone. So last night at church I asked my family pastor and second lady if I could have a jar of peanut butter if there was one in the food bank. I felt horrible specifying, I really did, but Like I said, emotional problems, peanut butter helps me, as weird as that sounds, it's true. My family pastor said get as much as you want. There was no peanut butter, but I wasn't bummed. I grabbed some spaghetti o's and a can of soup and some apple sauce. I get paid saturday so I wasn't totally desperate, I have been worse off, it's just been a hard time the past few days. So again, I felt horrible specifying a jar of peanut butter. Now to the point of my story.
I get a text at 5:14 pm, my friend who is also my second lady said she had some veggies for me and to meet her at a store. I said okay. So I went and her and my family pastor were there, and she gave me vegetables and said, come on, let's go get some peanut butter. So we went in and asked if I liked creamy and bought the big family jar for me.She asked if I needed anything else and I said no. It was just the thought of the whole thing to me that was so awesome. And the fact that I know that they would have bought whatever I had asked for. I was embarrassed to need help, I want to do everything on my own, but, I can't. So they wanted to help me in a totally awesome way.
It's not the peanut butter, it's the thought. They had a really busy week, and still had a ton of stuff going on, but they took the time for me. It was more than just going to the store to buy me a huge jar of peanut butter and whatever else I wanted with their own personal money. To me it was saying, they think about me after church, they are concerned not just about my needs, but my desires, they have compassion, they have generosity, they have mercy, they have....
Christ like love.
I'm thankful for my dear sweet friends and my amazing church family. Love them so much.
And I Feel very loved in return.