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Love or War? (where is your relationship at?)

Updated on March 18, 2012
Finding the balance..
Finding the balance..

Falling in love

:) Ah, the joy of falling head over heels in love, the excitement, passion, and budding romance. Sounds great, but what comes next? Well the most long lasting relationships are about love and war. Sounds crazy right? Well I happen to know a few couples who have been married over 40 years plus and what do they say? It's about love and war. To be more specific let me give an example that was told to me. Her husband when he came home from the marines, no longer use to the way she setup the household wanted to change the household around to make it more 'livable' for him. Of course being that she loved him, she wanted him to feel comfy but their kids had always known this style. So they were at war. A silent loving war. Soon they stuck an agreement. So while a healthy love and war situation is building blocks to understanding, their is a line. Is your relationship always at war it seems? This could be very stressful and close to break up. Before you slap on the brakes for a warring relationship i like to propose a few helpful tips to change the tide. Is your relationship in between? Well i have some tips to take your relationship to the next level.

Somewhere in the middle

Okay so how do you know if your in the middle? Well if your fighting a lot about different stuff but you still are seeing each other and you just feel unsure of the relationship at this point. You are in the middle. The arguments seem to get more and more. Yet their still moments that make it worth it.

READ THIS SECTION IF YOUR A FEMALE: Okay so your a little unsure of where the relationship is going or if he doesn't feel the same way you do at this point. Well before you go demanding answers first lets clear a few things. Men communicate way different from females. For example, you may ask him how was your day? He replies okay. Annoying it seems when you share all your details, well at least the important ones with him. He isn't doing this to keep you out of the picture or blow you off. It's just men communicate with very few words. When we have an issue with them they may listen, then go out and have a drink and have a good time. SUPER ANNOYING, because we think okay so he is not listening or doesn't take this serious. It's not that though. They are processing what we are saying, they just don't want to make an issue out of it. The bottom line is that when your upset don't expect to him react or push him too. Believe me seeing the fury in your eyes he gets the message. If he doesn't change then ask yourself is this something i can get used too? The more important thing is to remember since the relationship maybe confusing to him because his feelings are coming in different then yours. Ours maybe instant while theirs maybe gradual. Don't push for too much. THAT WILL PUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR. Just try to remain the cool level headed chick he can hang out with and everything will be fine. If your not willing to accept his behavior then walk away because if he really cares he will not let you get away and respect that you stand your ground.

IF YOUR A GUY READ THIS SECTION: So this woman your seeing or have an interest in has completely did a 360. Instead of just having really good sex, she wants to be in your private space and mind. ANNOYING. You pretty much have shown her that you care so why does she always want more? Why does she nag about little things? She has already falling for you and submitted her love in admission by taking the steps to enter into your life onto a personal level. It's time to decide if this is the one or not. Tell her that you want to slow things down because the arguments is affecting your thinking. She may nag for information but just say that let it be because the more info you give the more it may come out wrong. Then see how she reacts and make the call. If she steams for a bit then gives you time to think then she is worth making the next step. If she continues to nag, nag, push, nag then you may want to decide how she will handle things later on. Just communicate to her in simple word you need time.

When this looks like the sum of your relationship..
When this looks like the sum of your relationship..

Always Warring

You know when your at this point because this happens almost everyday and sums up most of the time you spend together. The sparks in the bedroom have become a fizzle while the arguments are always full blaze.

IF YOUR A FEMALE READ THIS SECTION: So you just hit the ceiling of just being fed up. Before you walk away from this here is some advice. Take one day no matter what happened in the past and put it behind you. Just focus on having a good time, no catting at him, and then have sex with him like you never have before. WHY? This will slow the tension down and remind you why you was so attracted to him. Don't fake it. Take what you need sexually. Then after just relax and cuddle with him. Bring up the good times you had. AGAIN DON'T TALK ABOUT THE BAD TIMES. If the conversation is headed that way end it with a kiss. Then in the morning ask yourself is the drama more important or your relationship? Can you give it a second chance? Do you still love him? Let the answers speak for themselves.

IF YOUR A MALE READ THIS SECTION: You don't even really want to be with her anymore and you don't know why you haven't walked away yet. Before you walk out the door try this instead. Before she goes into attack mode bring her a small gift, then silence her doubt with declaring the night to be hers. Tell her that you are listening and will hear her without her screaming. Then listen. Don't defend just listen. When she has had her say push the pride aside and show her passion. Tell her that you love her. Tell her you will make an effort. Then in the morning if nothing has changed and she tossed away the night you gave her then find the exit. If she hasn't then build on your relationship from that moment on and do everything you did before differently.

Love is priceless
Love is priceless

In conclusion

Yes, like they say all can be fair in love&war. Although you have to determine when its always war and try to get back to the love. Sometimes it can't be done because their is to much bad water over the bridge between the both of you. No one should remain in unhealthy relationship because this is what leaves the most scars on your heart. If your relationship has found the tide of war and can be changed by learning to understand each other then all is fair. If you have to make a stand do it. Just always remember what your fighting for LOVE. To live peacefully along side each other. Relationships are so hard because its about understanding, communication, trust, and effort. These very simply words are so hard because they are require a lot from both parties. So in the end if your relationship is built on war and you can't get to love you have to do what you need to do. If your relationship is built on being so in love that you go to war with each other because you have high expectations of each other then all can be fair in the end if you know how to adjust. When in doubt ask someone who has been married or in committed relationship for years. They always have the best advice. :)

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