- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Sex or Love? Love without sex? Sex without love?
Hunnybunny783 posted a series of questions at the gender & relationships forum. I picked a couple of them because they are related and I found them worthy of being discussed.They are Love and Sex.
I believe the best approach is to start with a definition of each term separately. I shall commence by the most mundane: Sex.
“Vaginal sexual intercourse, also called coitus, is the human form of copulation. While its natural purpose and result is reproduction, it is often performed entirely for pleasure and/or as an expression of love and emotional intimacy.
Sexual intercourse typically plays a powerful bonding role; in many societies it is normal for couples to have frequent intercourse while using birth control,sharingpleasure and strengthening their emotional bond through sex even though they are deliberately avoiding pregnancy.“
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Sex becomes mundane when obsessive, nymphomaniac or narcissistic behaviors are the driving force. There is no doubt that sex can be very pleasurable either heterosexual or homosexual. My point here is not to judge sexual preferences, but to analyze to what extent it can be harmful when it is overly performed.
An addiction to sex can be as deteriorating as alcoholism or drug addiction. Why?
Because the driving force has no other purpose than mere pleasure or escapism.
Apart from prostitution or enforcement of power domination through sex, indiscriminate sex for the sake of sex itself can be draining spiritually and lead astray the true purpose of living.
A male or a female who constantly seeks having intercourse or other forms of sexual pleasure with the same partner, or worse, promiscuously, has lost the sense of purpose. Even within the animal kingdom, sex is aimed at reproduction
for the perpetuation of the species and only during mating season.
Sex becomes truly meaningful when love is bonded to that sacred act. I am not talking about self-righteousness here, my friends. Males tend to experiment sexual pleasure with any woman if the time and environment is adequate, whereas women, in their vast majority, need to feel an honest attraction and experiment true feelings before they commit themselves to have intercourse.
So, Hunnybunny783, your friend “Peggy” is suffering from low self-esteem. She needs to begin to care much more for herself, love herself more and understand that sex is not the reason why we are here on this planet. She may take on any constructive endeavor, something that will help her find her own true values as a human being.
Nonetheless, the only thing you can do for her is to support her emotionally and try to get her engaged into a constructive activity. Never force her. She must be persuaded, not fooled. She has to take onto that behavior on her own accord; otherwise, she will fail miserably over and over again.
“Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.
Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.
Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.”
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Is Sex true love?
When people fail once or repeatedly in relationships, the very first thought is that love is overrated,that it is a myth and probably there isn’t any real love anywhere. You must dissect this concept.
If you mean human love as an attraction between two beings who share common preferences, enjoy each other`s company and feel some kind of dependency, sexual intercourse included or not, It does exist! If by love you mean a broader sense of feeling, caring, protectiveness and admiration, known as universal love, it also exists.
For both types of love there are conditions that must be respected if it is to last and grow. People love out of spontaneity. True love is never imposed! Love is bound to several virtues that without them it loses its genuine condition. Trust,respect, individuality, times to be alone with yourself, appreciation of the partner’s likes, regardless of disliking them personally, admiration for the partner’s achievements as if they were your own.
This applies to human or universal love. True love is complex because it implies accepting a friend or a companion regardless of race, skin color, religious belief and status quo, and education level, recent or distant past and financial condition.
To be able to truly love and be loved, you have to begin by accepting yourself, by loving yourself, by considering yourself worthy of all the good things there are because this is a universal truth. What makes you lose or maintain that right? Choice. When you choose, you must accept the consequences and responsibilities of your choice. Blaming others is a comfortable position to avoid facing your own mistakes.
After many years of exploration, Diana Richardson found that the ancient practice of Tantra, with its unique, intelligent approach to sex, had the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love. Here she has adapted Tantra for modern Western lovers in a practical, sympathetic way. Tantric Sex can transform your experience into a more sensual, loving and fulfilling one.
This book helped me to enjoy my love life more than I ever thought I could. I'm a religious woman who finds most sex books either offensive or not helpful. Ecstatic Lovemaking really touched me because it showed me that a great sex life with my husband is perfectly consistent with having the deep faith I have and know I always will have. The chapter on how "Sexuality and Spirituality Do Go Together" said it all.I also used to feel that my husband had no clue what really turned me on. Now he understands that I need to feel emotionally and spiritually close to him before I want to be sexually close to him. I think it was worth getting the book just for that, but my husband says the best part is that now I seem to want to make love with him as much as he wants to with me.
What woman hasn't taken a look at her man and decided he could use some improvement? There are some things we can change and some things we can't. Rick Johnson helps women identify the strengths in their men and the things that hold them back. He shows women how they can use their considerable influence in positive ways--without nagging or laying on the guilt trips. A man whisperer is a woman who can use her subtle powers of persuasion to help her man become his very best. With humor and plainspoken common sense, Johnson helps women deal creatively with those annoying little habits while focusing on building his strong points. He also shows women why some tactics just don't work. Any woman who wants her marriage to be stronger will benefit from this enlightening book.
IT'S NOT JUST SEX. IT'S NOT JUST LOVE. IT'S SOMETHING MORE....
But what could be better than sex? How about lovemaking that sweeps people into new realities, producing altered states of consciousness a thousand times more powerful than the most earth-shattering orgasm? Lovemaking so spectacular that it truly is a religious experience?
Transcendent Sex is not about the "Tantric method." It is about the best-kept secret in human history: that ordinary people, with no special training, can find themselves in different spiritual realms when making love -- an experience so profound that nothing will ever be the same. It is about sex that triggers episodes identical to the highest spiritual states -- as described in the annals of shamanism, yoga, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam -- including visions, channeling, reliving past lives, transcending the laws of physics, and seeing the face of God.
"The most important thing in life is the feeling of love inside and around you". But we are all bound to face problems from time to time in a committed relationship. Theorists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, reveal what saps vitality from long-term relationships and what you can do to make vitality surge again.
Building a strong and Godly marriage does not happen automatically; nor does it happen overnight. A successful marriage requires careful, deliberate planning, unwavering commitment, and hard work. The logical place to begin building a strong "marriage house" is within its foundation . . . Covenant, Trust, Forgiveness, Love and Friendship. In his book, "Before Love Dies", Larry Russell will candidly share with you the Five Foundation Stones that are essential to a successful marriage. No marriage can afford to be without them.
So to wrap it up, you can conclude that:
· Love without sex is possible and true. Is that what you are after?
· Sex without love is more commonplace than people may think. Is that what you wish to find?
· There is a difference between having sex and making love. Do you want a crazy sex night ora lasting feeling channeled through love making?
· When you feel heart-broken or have gotten hurt, is your partner to blame, or was your choice in a hurry which got you into trouble?
· All relationships face risks, just like businesses, travels, experiments. If you keep yourself inside of your “protective bubble”, nothing will ever happen. Good or bad, and you will not grow as a human being.
· To find truelove, learn to let things flow. If you chase it, you’ll never find the real thing. Enjoy the experiences as they come. Disregard them if they seem harmful,otherwise, just let them take their natural course.
· Learn to be detached. Your partner is an individual. It isn’t your property!
Ifyou are overly possessive, you will not last enough to get to know the person.
· Apart from avoiding a potential venereal disease or other sexually related infections, do not let the spur of the moment cloud your judgment, you may regret it later.
· You want love,honest and loving intercourse, true friendship, companionship? Give first! Give without second intentions and I promise you shall be rewarded with equal or much better feelings than the ones you have freely and spontaneously given away.
I hope this clarifies a bit your questions and helps others not so daring to ask for themselves.
To your Success,
Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,
Copyright ©Alberto J.Alvarez G.®2010