- Gender and Relationships
You Have to Love the Beautiful YOU
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies -Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive
Yes, i believe in 'narcissism'. It upsets me when i see a beautiful and talented woman who lacks self-esteem. To me that is a real tragedy, a self-inflicted one. When someone is constantly having problems establishing relationships, it's not because the world has run out of people to connect with. It is a love problem, Love of self. Until we get acquainted with who we are, discover our true value and amazingness, we will always need validation. And more often than not, we get disappointed. No one can love you more than you! Since God already loves everyone He created. we owe it to Him to second the motion!
Loving one's self has nothing to do with being beautiful. Nada! It's not about our weight, height, shape, hair-type or skin color. It's everything about beauty from within that reflects a self-loving personality, and behavior. It's what we exude, how we carry ourselves and the way we interact with other people. I sincerely want women to love themselves. I believe in 'healthy narcissism', helpful to a woman's well-being. When a woman is happy and secure, she makes for a better friend, wife, mother, sister, partner, and ally. I would like to see more women falling in love. And i mean, falling in love with herself, because i believe that's where it all begins.
In one of her interviews, Motivational speaker, writer, Lola Adesioye was asked questions about why it was difficult for women to love themselves. The following is what she had to say::"Even though we are supposedly equal to men, there are still so many messages that undermine who we are as women – messages about how we are supposed to look and how tall we should be or how thin we should be. Nowhere do I see the message that says ‘you are perfect as you are’. Self-confidence is ultimately about accepting yourself as you are, and I think in general in our world, that perspective is lacking. The main one I find seems to be “I’m not good enough.” I don’t know if I’ve ever met a woman who is totally at peace with who she is and how she is right now...there’s just this constant dissatisfaction with oneself. It’s very pervasive though and is almost seen as normal".
A confident woman is attractive
A woman who loves herself is attractive to men. Like it or not, men set their own standard on the quality of woman they will take seriously. One male blogger put it out there what he was looking for and i thought he had it right. He begun by saying, he wanted a girl who could inspire him to want to be 'together forever', someone who had feminine grace, and one he could respect. Then he added, she must be fun, playful, had boundaries and does not badger nor nag to get what she needs out of a relationship. She must be a woman who knows her value, and the a man can act accordingly. In conclusion he said, women men want to marry are usually the ones that don't work overtime to catch a husband. They are strong, spirited women who stand up for themselves. She does not compromise herself. She has a mind of her own, and a man can't walk all over her like a linoleum.
Lola Adesioye gives women some advise on how to deal with low self worth. She said,"itrequires us to develop a knowledge of who we are in our essence. Too many of us believe that we are our job or our looks or some external thing. This provokes fear because anything external is also changeable. Your looks will change, your body will change, your hair will change, your job will change, your relationship will change. We have to come to know ourselves beyond our [external] identity because none of those things are who we are. Those are things we have. This means [we have] to tap into who we are in our essence, to start ask some soul-searching questions like “who am I really?” Who we all really are goes way beyond the physical or the external or even the visible, and when we tap into that – when we know that we are a life force – and that our bodies/appearance/jobs/cars e.t.c. are all just physical manifestations and vessels for the expression of that life force, [much of our insecurities] can start to fall away.
Here's a checklist of the characteristics of healthy narcissism:
- High outward self-confidence in line with reality
- May enjoy power
- Has real concern for others and their ideas
- Does not exploit or devalue others
- The ability to follow a consistent path
- Has values
- Follows through on plans
- Healthy childhood with support for self-esteem and appropriate limits on behaviour towards others
“There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.” -Nathaniel Branden