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Loving Your Mail Order Bride

Updated on March 13, 2011
Older brides will try much harder to make the marriage work
Older brides will try much harder to make the marriage work
Will they love you or your money?
Will they love you or your money?

Win Her Heart

Many guys marry a oriental bride looking for love and companionship. I was one of them. Many of us ended up brokenhearted and miserable. I observed many of these relationships and observed common threads amongst those that succeeded and those that failed.

Being autistic and a computer nerd, I rarely had a girlfriend in high school and I never had one in college. I never even understood the concept of flirting till I was about forty. Being autistic doesn't mean we aren't interested in love, it just makes us incompetent. Just before I graduated from college, I discovered mail order brides. I ordered a catalog and wrote a few girls. A few short letters later and one agreed to marry me. I went to the Philippines, married her, and brought her back to America expecting to live happily ever after. Wow, was I ever wrong.

Here is the problem in a nutshell. When men marry an Asian gal they are primarily looking for a sex toy. When an Asian gal gets married, she is primarily looking for money. Worse is that both of them are often in denial about their reasons for marrying each other. Admit it, do you think she would marry you if you were a poor Filipino? And would you have married her, if she was an old fat American? I am not saying that a marriage primarily based on an exchange of sex for money will fail, but you MUST be aware of what the foundation is.

I saw a lot of these relationships break up and in every single one of them, the guy treated her like an object. And then he would complain that she only married him to come to America. Guess what? You were no better. Your primary reason for marrying her, was to have a sex slave and unpaid housekeeper. It shouldn't surprise you that the person you treated like an object decided to treat you like an object.

Here is the deal. You married the girl without a real courtship. Those letters you received in broken english just don't count. Her culture was alien to you. Those letters that you wrote to her, she read them, but didn't understand them. Even if she understood the words, she didn't understand their context. Neither one of you really knows each other. There is no firm foundation to this marriage. There is no emotional relationship or friendship.

There is some good news though. Once we get out of denial and admit to the real problem, we can find a solution. The solution in this case is to start building a real relationship to replace the weak foundation. Like any other relationship, this done by spending time together. So start doing things with her. Get away from the computer and watch TV with her, take her to the movies, show her the sights in America. Buy her a nice gifts. Surprise her with flowers. She may be living with you, but You must win her heart.


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  • thaivalentine profile image

    thaivalentine 6 years ago from Thailand

    I applaud the personal nature of your post. As the president of a mail order bride agency in Thailand, I have a couple of thoughts. First of all, people need to find an ethical agency before they begin talking to anyone. In most cases, the agencies are scamming men out of their money by charging for phone calls, emails, pictures, gifts, etc. The worst part, the women likely don't exist.

    Second, men need to have the have the right expectations. Just because you pay for an agency does not entitle you to a girlfriend, wife, etc. In addition, it doesn't matter where you meet someone, if you rush into a marriage your playing with fire. Common sense often gets thrown out the window.

    Lastly, many men need to love themselves before they can love someone else. I noticed you stated being autistic makes you "incompetent" which is not true. A common trait among men of low self confidence is that they rush to get married as they are afraid the woman will say "No" if they wait.

    Feel free to visit us at and drop me a line.

  • RachaelLefler profile image

    Rachael Lefler 6 years ago from Illinois

    Interesting. I've always been interested in how mail-order bride relationships work, ... or don't, as you said a lot of them don't work out. I wish men weren't afraid to take their chances with "feminist" American women. An American girl can be of any race and have ancestry from any country, plus she knows your culture and language already! Take a chance guys! And I've got news, not every American girl is fat or ugly and certainly not all of them are the masculine pseudo-lesbian man-haters those men think 'feminists' are.

  • QudsiaP1 profile image

    QudsiaP1 7 years ago

    Well written.