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Make Yourself More Appealing Within Your Relationship

Updated on May 12, 2013
A romantic walk on the beach is a popular activity for couples.
A romantic walk on the beach is a popular activity for couples. | Source

How you treat others is as important as how you treat yourself. Making yourself more appealing within your relationship has to do with both your mental and physical self. Simply having an interest in making yourself more appealing can be a positive sign that you highly value your relationship and want to contribute to and receive happiness from your relationship.

The old adage applies well here, "actions speak louder than words." Whether acknowledged or not, our actions and in-actions within a relationship can be easily noticed by the other. For those in relationships where their love appears to want to spend little time together, this should be viewed as a red flag. Those who seemingly always have an excuse not to get together usually don't want to be...period.

Other relationship red flags include frequent disagreements and arguments. This is a signal that you both aren't on the same wavelength, possibly due to miscommunication or a larger problem such as incompatibility. We humans have a seemingly innate ability to point the finger at others but before doing so, it's important to take a look at ourselves to see if we are contributing to any problems.

A public embrace.
A public embrace. | Source

Stress Less

When you are able to deal with stress effectively and in a positive manner you will likely find that you attract more people to you than when you are in a negative mindset. Your own relatives probably do not like being around you when you allow life's stresses to negatively affect them, so how could the love of your life enjoy this as well? Finding positive ways to cope with stress rather than pass it on to others is a must no matter how stressful your life is. Some good ways to reduce stress include:

  • Vigorous exercise
  • Reducing/eliminating procrastination
  • Tai Chi
  • Speaking with a counselor, Pastor, therapist, etc.
  • Relaxing in solitude
  • Taking a vacation
  • Soaking in a bath or hot tub
  • Reducing the time spent on stressful projects or at stressful jobs
  • Spending time petting or walking a pet
  • Enjoying your hobbies

While the above are just a few options, there are many more. When you can take the curveballs and stressors that life throws your way, you will be happier and those around you will be also.

In the mood for a kiss.
In the mood for a kiss. | Source

Personal Maintenance And Improvement

When people are on the prowl for love they often make the effort or even go to the extreme in trying to look physically attractive to potential mates and to those who could introduce them to a potential mate. This includes working out, eating clean or at least eating well enough to not gain a noticeable amount of weight, frequent hairstylist or barber appointments, shopping for clothes, shoes, and accessories to look their best, and more. Once they've gotten comfortable or have gotten married, many people begin to let themselves go. The jock may turn into a cubicle and couch jockey and the yoga gal may trade in her small sized Lululemon wear for extra large Hanes sweats.

Some choose to save money on self maintenance and self improvement such as trips to the barber or hairstylist but will spend these same savings on things that can have negative effects on their body such as going out to eat, smoking, alcohol, drugs, and buying unhealthy foods. The person that truly loves us will love us no matter what we look like and no matter what mistakes we make but physical attractiveness makes it easier. Showing that we value and are caring for ourselves and are attempting to look and feel good are important steps to maintaining or improving any romantic relationship. In a sense it can be said that once you begin letting yourself go, you may well be letting go of romance as well. At a minimum, maintenance is a must. Attempting to improve without going to extremes is better.

Even elephants can show affection.
Even elephants can show affection. | Source

Show Attention And Affection

Many people are afraid to show affection or simply taper off from the level of affection they displayed during the courtship phase of their relationship. When this happens, it's often a signal of a deep level of comfort with one another but in some cases it can also signal that the relationship is in trouble. It is not uncommon for affection to ebb and flow but if there is a long term downward trend, this is not a good development. Hugs, caresses, and kisses are examples of important non-verbal communication within a romantic relationship. Where these things cease to exist, so has the romance and possibly the relationship. How would you feel if you went from experiencing lots of affection and sex and then went to half or even nothing? It does not matter if the change happened gradually or abruptly, it's a change that is not very good. Showing attention and affection is a great way to show how you feel without saying a word. It often doesn't take much effort and can speak volumes about how you truly feel. So speak up!

Tread With Care

Being yourself is important but being selfish or unaware of other people's feelings is not. Striking a balance will serve you well and imbalances in this regard will drive people away from you quicker than having bad breath. If your love asks your opinion of an idea for work or business, being honest and tactful will serve them and you best. If they ask the dreaded "am I fat" question or something along similar lines, only you can choose whether or not to answer but be sure to tread with caution while being honest and loving.

Do not attempt to be overly nice to the point where you are not yourself or do not express your true opinion, particularly on important topics. This sends an incorrect idea of how you feel and can mislead others into thinking that some things are not important to you when they truly are and vice versa. Doing this leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. It can also end a relationship before it has a chance to blossom. Being respectful and moderately assertive will earn you more respect and understanding in the end. And you want to find someone who really "gets" you, right? If so, make sure they see the real you, not what you (possibly erroneously) think they would like to see.



This one can be very trying, particularly for those at completely opposite ends of the relationship spectrum such as those who are used to being alone but in a new relationship and for those who have been in the same relationship for years or decades. Those who are used to being alone may have gotten into their own rhythm and must suddenly find a rhythm with their love. People who have been in relationships for years or decades often have their patience tried daily because they are recirculating old conversations and arguments.

Nevertheless, patience can be learned and displayed with effort, preferably from both parties and even after it has been lost. It is much easier to exhibit patience in a relationship when both parties fully engage in attempting to resolve issues and misunderstandings. Where one or both parties disengage or show a complete lack of effort on a particular issue or chore, it can lead to anger or resentment and an argument by the other party. When a lack of patience is consistently shown, this can signal a lack of respect. In some cases a lack of patience can actually signal a lack of desire for the relationship. Only you can decide whether the relationship is right for you, but pay attention to the level of patience that you give and receive for clues.


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    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      You read my mind, there is a double standard that beer bellied men want Barbie Doll or trophy wife types yet they pay little attention to themselves. I absolutely cannot stand that nonsense.

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      As the saying goes, "it takes two." Thank you for reading and commenting.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      A very good hub. I came back to revisit. I agree, we should never let ourselves go just because we are in a relationship or married. This happens a lot more with women than men at least in my opinion when they start to feel comfortable like you mentioned. However, there is also that double standard that women are supposed to look like Barbie Dolls while men can get away with being overweight and having that beer belly. Of course, these men would definitely be out of my league. lol. Good point you stated here. I agree. "For those in relationships where their love appears to want to spend little time together, this should be viewed as a red flag." What's the point of being in a relationship if you're always too busy for the other person? And then you wonder why some women have affairs. Nothing needy or clingy about wanting to spend time with the one you love. These are great ways to reduce stress. And yes, whether you are single or married, you should always try to look your very best.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      These are excellent suggestions. I think you make a great point. Sometimes when relationships fail we blame the other person. These are proactive suggestions to own your own part in the relationship. Excellent!

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      FullOfLoveSites I agree. Ben Affleck recently caught a lot of flack for his honesty about his relationship being a lot of work but it's the truth. No work = no sparks.

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      Hi Tonipet :) Letting oneself go is common and often is soon after accompanied by insecurity and other detrimental behaviors. Often it is the first step onto a slippery slope that is best left alone.

    • FullOfLoveSites profile image

      FullOfLoveSites 4 years ago from United States

      A relationship is not something that is what called "a match made in heaven". Well not most of the time. It requires hard work and working out. Keeping yourself fit and the keeping interests that glued you together for the first time as well as opening your eyes to doing something new together will create sparks in your relationship. Thanks for your hub. Up and useful. :)

    • Tonipet profile image

      Tonette Fornillos 4 years ago from The City of Generals

      I agree with Frank - people seem to let themselves go when they find the one. I believe all efforts to make appealing to each other will also make all things around even more appealing... and yes, healthy. I like this above all - Attempting to improve without going to extremes is better. To me, it makes all things possible to work well together.

      Thank you for this.:=) Loved the photos but missed that thing, lol. Great hub... Best wishes. :=)Tonette

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      A very good hub. Keeping yourself fit and healthy is a plus. It will make your sex life more exciting. Frank does make a good point. voted up++++

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      Thanks Frank. I have a friend from high school that was less than a hundred pounds before getting married but soon started gaining weight and is at least twice that size now. Relationships don't have to equate to this, I am continually surprised that so many feel that it does.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

      you know what I like about this hub... it's the truth.. people seem to let themselves go when they find the one.. but you must make yourself more appealing in your own relationship.. great hub express10 and love the pics you used ti illustrate points :)