- Gender and Relationships
Make Yourself More Appealing Within Your Relationship
How you treat others is as important as how you treat yourself. Making yourself more appealing within your relationship has to do with both your mental and physical self. Simply having an interest in making yourself more appealing can be a positive sign that you highly value your relationship and want to contribute to and receive happiness from your relationship.
The old adage applies well here, "actions speak louder than words." Whether acknowledged or not, our actions and in-actions within a relationship can be easily noticed by the other. For those in relationships where their love appears to want to spend little time together, this should be viewed as a red flag. Those who seemingly always have an excuse not to get together usually don't want to be...period.
Other relationship red flags include frequent disagreements and arguments. This is a signal that you both aren't on the same wavelength, possibly due to miscommunication or a larger problem such as incompatibility. We humans have a seemingly innate ability to point the finger at others but before doing so, it's important to take a look at ourselves to see if we are contributing to any problems.
When you are able to deal with stress effectively and in a positive manner you will likely find that you attract more people to you than when you are in a negative mindset. Your own relatives probably do not like being around you when you allow life's stresses to negatively affect them, so how could the love of your life enjoy this as well? Finding positive ways to cope with stress rather than pass it on to others is a must no matter how stressful your life is. Some good ways to reduce stress include:
- Vigorous exercise
- Reducing/eliminating procrastination
- Tai Chi
- Speaking with a counselor, Pastor, therapist, etc.
- Relaxing in solitude
- Taking a vacation
- Soaking in a bath or hot tub
- Reducing the time spent on stressful projects or at stressful jobs
- Spending time petting or walking a pet
- Enjoying your hobbies
While the above are just a few options, there are many more. When you can take the curveballs and stressors that life throws your way, you will be happier and those around you will be also.
Personal Maintenance And Improvement
When people are on the prowl for love they often make the effort or even go to the extreme in trying to look physically attractive to potential mates and to those who could introduce them to a potential mate. This includes working out, eating clean or at least eating well enough to not gain a noticeable amount of weight, frequent hairstylist or barber appointments, shopping for clothes, shoes, and accessories to look their best, and more. Once they've gotten comfortable or have gotten married, many people begin to let themselves go. The jock may turn into a cubicle and couch jockey and the yoga gal may trade in her small sized Lululemon wear for extra large Hanes sweats.
Some choose to save money on self maintenance and self improvement such as trips to the barber or hairstylist but will spend these same savings on things that can have negative effects on their body such as going out to eat, smoking, alcohol, drugs, and buying unhealthy foods. The person that truly loves us will love us no matter what we look like and no matter what mistakes we make but physical attractiveness makes it easier. Showing that we value and are caring for ourselves and are attempting to look and feel good are important steps to maintaining or improving any romantic relationship. In a sense it can be said that once you begin letting yourself go, you may well be letting go of romance as well. At a minimum, maintenance is a must. Attempting to improve without going to extremes is better.
Show Attention And Affection
Many people are afraid to show affection or simply taper off from the level of affection they displayed during the courtship phase of their relationship. When this happens, it's often a signal of a deep level of comfort with one another but in some cases it can also signal that the relationship is in trouble. It is not uncommon for affection to ebb and flow but if there is a long term downward trend, this is not a good development. Hugs, caresses, and kisses are examples of important non-verbal communication within a romantic relationship. Where these things cease to exist, so has the romance and possibly the relationship. How would you feel if you went from experiencing lots of affection and sex and then went to half or even nothing? It does not matter if the change happened gradually or abruptly, it's a change that is not very good. Showing attention and affection is a great way to show how you feel without saying a word. It often doesn't take much effort and can speak volumes about how you truly feel. So speak up!
Tread With Care
Being yourself is important but being selfish or unaware of other people's feelings is not. Striking a balance will serve you well and imbalances in this regard will drive people away from you quicker than having bad breath. If your love asks your opinion of an idea for work or business, being honest and tactful will serve them and you best. If they ask the dreaded "am I fat" question or something along similar lines, only you can choose whether or not to answer but be sure to tread with caution while being honest and loving.
Do not attempt to be overly nice to the point where you are not yourself or do not express your true opinion, particularly on important topics. This sends an incorrect idea of how you feel and can mislead others into thinking that some things are not important to you when they truly are and vice versa. Doing this leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. It can also end a relationship before it has a chance to blossom. Being respectful and moderately assertive will earn you more respect and understanding in the end. And you want to find someone who really "gets" you, right? If so, make sure they see the real you, not what you (possibly erroneously) think they would like to see.
This one can be very trying, particularly for those at completely opposite ends of the relationship spectrum such as those who are used to being alone but in a new relationship and for those who have been in the same relationship for years or decades. Those who are used to being alone may have gotten into their own rhythm and must suddenly find a rhythm with their love. People who have been in relationships for years or decades often have their patience tried daily because they are recirculating old conversations and arguments.
Nevertheless, patience can be learned and displayed with effort, preferably from both parties and even after it has been lost. It is much easier to exhibit patience in a relationship when both parties fully engage in attempting to resolve issues and misunderstandings. Where one or both parties disengage or show a complete lack of effort on a particular issue or chore, it can lead to anger or resentment and an argument by the other party. When a lack of patience is consistently shown, this can signal a lack of respect. In some cases a lack of patience can actually signal a lack of desire for the relationship. Only you can decide whether the relationship is right for you, but pay attention to the level of patience that you give and receive for clues.