- Gender and Relationships»
3 Ways to Find Friends that You Deserve
Everybody wants to belong and fit in. But it doesn't mean that you have to lose yourself. As you go to different places, you will meet different people with different cultures and beliefs. At first, you might enjoy the company of those new found friends. As you get along, there would be circumstances which will show you who matter and who never was. In trying to make friends, here are some tips you should keep in mind
1. Test the water.
You should try to observe the way they behave towards you or others. Your gauge is your own beliefs and values. This is to say that you should know yourself well. See if what you believe in matches with them.
For example, you were invited for lunch and had a small chitchat. You realized that every little thing you do, they make fun of. You voiced out your opinion but they ridicule you and made you feel your opinion is wrong. You will often hear them say in your succeeding conversations these statements:
- Oh, I don't believe in that...
- You should have.....
- That's not the way you do that...
- What you believe in is wrong...
At first, you can forgive those because disagreements are natural. But, if you look from within, your self-esteem is also affected. You are definitely looking for friends that will uplift you. We'll, saying goodbye is never easy. That is why at first you must have boundaries. You must learn to trust them with little things. Confide problems that are not too personal. If you see them making you feel stupid, rather than helping you out then you should definitely find a way out. In the long run, they are no longer worth your trust and time. You should distance yourself from them. The boundary you set beforehand is important to make a healthy kind of friendship with others. It will be easier to break the bond and attachment if you establish good boundaries during the initial stages of your friendship.
2. Trust yourself.
In making decisions, there will be times that you will question yourself if it is right not to make friends with those people. Questions like: Am I just expecting too much from them? Am I sensitive? Am I looking for a perfect person? But, remember your "inner voice" reflects the real you. You cannot silence that voice. Sooner or later, you will find yourself lost in trying to fit in to other people's beliefs and standards. Most of the time, that inner voice tells you what is right. Whether it is right or wrong, it is still you who has to make things right when you made the wrong decision. We all make mistakes and we learn from them. But, you cannot blame other people for not helping you become a better person. It is your own decision to follow and be with them and be gone astray. Your life is in your hands. It is yours alone. You can only trust yourself in every challenges in life. Others may help you build the life you want but it is you who have to create it. In creating it, you must find the people, the right ones, who will help you be a better person.
3. Keep moving forward.
Say you made a mistake in making friends with people who just led you astray. Just keep moving forward. Keep trusting yourself. Say goodbye to friends who do not lead you to the right path. It would be hard but there is really no easy road taken in trying to get things right. In fact, it would be much more difficult to stay on a wrong path. Once you decide to let go of those negative people, you begin to feel so much freedom, peace and happiness.
I wish you good luck as you find the right friends who will be a good influence in your life. Remember, you are not alone in this search. Just keep your faith, be the positive person that you want to be and then you will finally attract the right friends for you.