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Making a Lasting Commitment: How to Know When It's the Real Deal and Not Pretend

Updated on December 9, 2012
Young Adult Poster
Young Adult Poster
Indiscreet Poster
Indiscreet Poster
Charade Poster
Charade Poster
Robin and Marian Poster
Robin and Marian Poster
Last Chance Harvey Poster
Last Chance Harvey Poster
Notorious Poster
Notorious Poster

What is commitment? Okay, that's probably a silly question everyone knows what making a commitment means in that it's a serious decision that has lasting consequences for everyone involved and can't be taken lightly. In terms of relationships, making the same lifelong commitment to just one partner can make some literally weak in the knees and give them the worst cold feet imaginable. That's often why some marriages fold after a certain number of years and some painful mistakes that often tainted future relationships to come.

If you're looking to a make a lifelong merger with your partner, it's best to see if they're ready, willing and able before the wedding takes place. Here are three signs to determine whether your current partner is marriage material or something else entirely different. Read on to decide if your relationship can stand the test of time or will fold under the mildest of personal storms.

-They stand by you when you're at your worst and don't run from fear. If your partner doesn't run after hearing about your cancer diagnosis, they're definitely a keeper, even if they don't want to put a ring on your finger. Well, not every relationship is set to be tested in a hospital setting, but it's always best to see if your partner will stay with you when you're going the worst of times. Some milder examples of those times are the films Charade and Notorious which mixed romantic comedy and murder mystery type danger. Charade followed a Widow (Audrey Hepburn) being chased by some goons who want something her late husband had and the other half wondering if her partner (Cary Grant) had an ulterior motive. The true test came at the end when the killer was revealed and his true colors were genuinely shown.

In Notorious, Devlin (Cary Grant) flirted with the mysterious Alicia (Ingrid Bergman) in an effort to get her to spy for the government. All she had to do was cozy up to a very dangerous man in an effort to get information at all costs. Could Devlin risk his heart breaking or Alicia's life being put in grave danger? It's a cliche, but women like the idea of the White Knight rescuing them or simply holding their hand while waiting in the Doctor's office. A little support isn't too much to ask for. Relationships are a give and take partnership that always flips depending on the situation. The next day might be your turn or theirs when the support is needed once again. Embrace doing the giving and the receiving, because you never know when you're going to need either.

-Your relationship is based on the past and is starting over again. Is it really possible to get back together with a former flame and actually rekindle the spark? Usually, it's not the case. Look at the new movie Young Adult where Mavis (Charlize Theron) is going to outlandish lengths to win back her married ex when her true soulmate was right under her cynical nose the whole time. She believed that she couldn't be truly happy unless she relived her high school glory days. Well, she was half right, but not in the way that she planned it. When looking to rekindle a past relationship, it's best to gauge whether they're truly interested or actually available for instance. Now, that would be a great start. In Robin and Marian, former lovers Robin (Sean Connery) and Marian (Audrey Hepburn) have spent years separated by time and circumstance. Can they forget the time they spent apart long enough to reconnect for good? Only they could decide that. Wheh it comes to relationships, the best rule is always the simplest. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, move on to someone else before you waste too much time stuck in a deadend past.

- Age is only a number. Love ultimately doesn't have a time limit, whether you're 21 or 121. If you can find someone to spend your days at any age, count yourself lucky. Most single people would be desperate to be in your place. Embrace it no matter what. Look at middle aged lovebirds Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman in Last Chance Harvey. They met by chance and they seemed to form a genuine relationship based on their common misfit personas. They doubted their feelings at first and weren't true happy until they embraced it. Another example would the movie Indiscreet where playboy Cary Grant is romancing the strong willed Ingrid Bergman who realized that she wanted a genuine relationship without any pretense. Will she get it? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell, or what she makes of it. Don't put a time limit on love, because it lasts as long as you're still alive and breathing.

In the end, making a lasting commitment doesn't come down to circumstances and timing. It's simply about two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together in whatever fashion they'd prefer, whether it's throught marriage or otherwise. Traditional people would obviously prefer the former, but the rebels would rather burn a wedding dress than wear one. You just ultimately have to find a middle ground between the two extremes and learn to sacrifice that your happily ever after is not going to read just like a fairy tale. Actually, it'll be better because it's the real deal and not a story you read to a child at bedtime. Accept the reality and save the fantasy for bedtime.


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