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Abuse In A Relationship

Updated on April 24, 2017

When you have been abused.

When you have been abuse in a marriage or a relationship before your confidence becomes very low not only in your self but in every one around you. When you have been abused you begin to believe that others will treat you the same way. When you have been raped, beat and abused by the same man in a relationship for many years you begin to believe that it is done because you deserve it.

When it is done over and over for many years your self confidence begins to fade away within yourself. it begins to disappear and become non existent. You begin to think that you did something to deserve the the abuse that you are receiving. You begin to wonder why this is happening to you.

You begin to wonder who the person is that you married or that you are dating. You begin to wonder why he became this way when he was so nice when you first met him. When you are trapped in this type of relationship you begin to wonder how you are going to get out or if you will ever get out.

Some never find a way out.

I had a personal experience in this.

I married my first husband when I was 21 and 7 months pregnant with our first daughter, On my 21st birthday and before I had ever married him he pushed me down the front stairs of our home I was pregnant when our daughter at the time and did not know it at the time. I should have left and didn't. I married him that following January instead. He hit me numerous times after that and I should have left and didn't cause he kept telling me that I wouldn't find anyone that would take me and a baby on. I needed to keep our family together.

He kept telling me that our baby didn't need to grow up like me. She didn't need to grow up without a father. So I stayed. I stayed and continued to be abused physically and mentally. Later I got pregnant with a little boy. My husband pushed me into a cabinet and a lot of other things and I like an idiot continued to stay.

The last daughter was conceived by my husband raping me.and I still stayed for yet another year till I finally got up the courage to stay with the help of a really good friend I finally escaped and I have finally been out of that abusive relationship now for 9 years and I am now remarried to a man who never hits me and he knows everything I went through and he helps me daily to get through the mental pain that I go through.

He tells me daily that I am beautiful and that he loves me and that I mean the world to him and that I am strong and that I can do anything I set my mind to do. Before him I was a single mother for 7 years. I learn to provide for me and my children on my own and I learned to be independent. My children's father who swore that my children didn't need to grew up like me without a father is doing just that they are growing up without their biological father not because I will not let them see him but because he refuses to see them.

But you see my children have a wonderful step father who loves them in my husband. So in the end there is a happy ending for all.

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    • Victoria Watts profile image
      Author

      Victoria Watts 3 months ago from Juliette, Ga

      @Yves Thank you that is actually the reason I felt compelled to share it cause I know how hard it is to get out and I know there are others out there fighting the same fight and I want them to know it is possible to get out and be happy. :)

    • savvydating profile image

      savvydating 3 months ago

      Good point regarding their "power" over you. But now you are free. Enjoy your life. You've learned from your experience and you've come out the other side. I imagine your life story can help other women who are struggling. Best wishes, nice lady. ;)

    • Victoria Watts profile image
      Author

      Victoria Watts 3 months ago from Juliette, Ga

      @Yves thank you. Yes you are right that it is right it is hard getting out of this type of situation. Especially when the abuser holds such power over you.

    • savvydating profile image

      savvydating 3 months ago

      Congratulations on finally getting out of the abusive relationship. People always ask....even I have asked, "Why doesn't she just leave?" But from what I have read, it's complicated. Fear is a big factor, his threats to kill you if you leave, then there is the brainwashing, the shame, the confusion, no money....so many things. The important thing is that you are out and now you are believing in yourself again. Don't let anyone tell you what happened to you is your fault.

    • Victoria Watts profile image
      Author

      Victoria Watts 3 months ago from Juliette, Ga

      @DashingScorpio actually when you are someone who comes from a broken home yourselve it is hard to think of your child growing up without both parents. It is something you would whether not imagine. Also getting up the courage to leave someone who is being abusive toward you is harder than you would think unless you have actually been in a situation of this sort you can not possibly understand what it is like to like in this type of environment.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 months ago

      "When you have been raped, beat and abused by the same man in a relationship for many years you begin to believe that it is done because you deserve it." No, It's because you stayed!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us gets to have our own "deal breakers" & boundaries.

      Anyone who is in an unhappy relationship/marriage and (chooses) to stay is in effect (choosing) to be unhappy.

      A child would rather be from a "broken home" than live in one!

      Anyone with a children should want to avoid them witnessing an abusive marriage because they're likely to believe it's normal.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone is verbally/physically abusive to you they clearly don't think you're all that "special". Move on!

      There are over (7 Billion) other people on the planet!

      Surly one has to believe they can do better!